Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
"Why didn't you run?"
It's very simple to say this to a sexual abuse survivor if you have not been in their shoes. You don't know the circumstances they were in while being abused. You don't know if they were threatened or how young they were or any other circumstance. Most sexual abuse survivors freeze, are very young, are held down, drugged, scared for their life, don't know how to escape, and/or are unconscious. There is no way to magically get out of an abuse situation.
"Why didn't you report them?"
There are many reasons why sexual abuse survivors don't report their abuse. Age can factor into this. If you are a child or even a teen and an adult threatens your life you will most likely believe them. They may be a parent or relative and you have no idea how to handle it. You may not even know the assailant. You may not even realize it happened in enough time to report it (if you were drugged). You may think you did something wrong. And not to mention a trial is lengthy and makes the healing process much worse. How would you feel if you have to be in front of a crowd of people through a trial and have someone pick apart who you are as a person?
"So you aren't a virgin anymore?"
I'm still a virgin. It does not matter what happened against my will when I was a child. I have never had sex willing, so yes, I am a virgin. Being raped or molested does not make you any less "pure" sexually as any other person. You didn't want it, it does not count.
"You were so young, are you sure it wasn't a dream?"
This does not apply to some people who have experienced sexual abuse, but it does to me so I want to include it. Why would a three year old dream of such a thing? How would a little girl who was five even know about something like this? Why would a little kid know what a penis looked like? Ask yourself that, that answers your question.
"It's over though, why does it still bother you?"
For many of those who suffer sexual abuse, it will NEVER be over. Does not matter if it happened yesterday or 50 years ago, it still happened and it changes you forever. It is like getting a tattoo and wondering why it is still on your skin years later. In my experience, I have tried to get over it, but it can still come in horrible waves back to me.
"So you're gay because you were assaulted?"
I don't struggle with this, but I know other do. You do not magically become a different sexuality because someone assaulted you. You are born with your sexuality and it is completely ignorant and rude to assume that someone is a certain sexuality because of what happened to them.
"You're a man, why didn't you act like one?"
Obviously, I have never been asked this, but I know that sometimes men have to go through this. ANYONE can be raped. Just because you are a man does not mean you are immune. We live in such a society in which men are supposed to be "manly men," but getting raped or assaulted in any way does not make you any less of a man. If anything the person who did that to you is a monster and less of a man (if they were a man).
"Well you dressed like a slut, what do you expect?"
You could be dressed as a nun and still be raped. You are a horrible person if you blame someone for being raped by their choice of clothing. Women should be allowed to wear what they want and live their lives without the fear of being raped. I know rape still happens and will always happen, but you should in no way blame it on clothing.
"But it's just like if I had a bunch of diamonds on and I walked through a bad neighborhood, so it's kinda your fault, you know that right?"
Oh I'm sorry? Was I supposed to remove my vagina and put on a strapon?? I should not be shamed for just being a woman. What the actual fuck? What if I have a late shift and am just trying to walk home? What if a man breaks into my house? What if I'm minding my own business and jogging?
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR RAPE. PERIOD.
Life After Sexual Assault:
It can be hard as hell. I've had my highs and lows and it has definitely affected me sexually. Sometimes when I think about sex I get disgusted and want to never think about it again. I go through periods in which I don't think about it at all and periods where it haunts me. I've attempted suicide multiple times and tried to numb myself with pills. But for those of you who are reading this that have suffered from abuse, I want you to know that there is hope. Even though it sometimes is a dark cloud in my life, I am still happy. I'm focused and determined on my future. I'm focused on defining myself as more than a sexual abuse survivor with a shitty past. Through the years I have discovered that I'm not an object to be abused and I can take control of my life. And I want to let whoever is in the depths of this hell know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
If any of you who have suffered from this want to chat, feel free to message me :)
National Sexual Abuse Hotline: Call 1-800-656-4673
What Girls & Guys Said
24 22I was molested by a female family friend from ages 6 to 11. I never really spoke about it because I was so afraid to be judged. I developed crippling anxiety and depression around age 12 because I couldn't deal with the guilt of not telling my parents what happened. I also developed a fear of men, which took me several years to get over. I still burst into tears at the mention of her name, but I am getting better.
Damn... I hope that you're able to feel "safe" again.
I'm glad you are getting better, I know first hand how difficult it is when a family member does this to you. No one can judge you for something you have no control over. All I "judge" you for is being a very strong person who is getting through a very hard time in their life
I've never told anyone I know irl what happened to me because I'm so afraid they won't take me seriously or blame me. Even on here I've had plenty of users call me a liar/attention whore who just made that up and blame me especially for not reporting him saying things like "it's your fault if he rapes another girl" and it probably is. I can't really describe my feelings when I hear those things I just feel kind of numb about it all and decided that it's better to keep it to myself.
Sometimes it's "easier" to tell anonymous people on the internet about your struggle. I hope that you're able to one day tell someone that loves you unconditionally about it as a sort of "release." *hugs*
It is in no way your fault what or if he does something else to another girl. you're not a liar or attention whore! The people who say that have some serious mental issues. I understand feeling numb, but just know if you ever need to talk you can message me
Thank you <3
Hey great take - the "why can't you just get over it" (like its a choice) is the worst for me and causes secondary wounding, as every step I've taken has been to better myself and haul myself through the horrors I've endured! -to live a good life even though it still haunts me, I still find the strength to fight it everyday and live albeit some days are harder than others.
Good luck and strength on your journey!
I remember a girl in my grade tell me she was raped, out of the blue. I don't even think that we were talking about people who were raped. I was speechless, and I didn't say anything. When I gained enough confidence I asked her if she has told anyone, and she said she told one other girl, who is a close friend or something like that. She said the reason she was in our school, was because the police was try to hid her from the man. I didn't care much about sexual, and I knew very little about it, until she told me, and felts so bad. I didn't even know what to think. I think they later caught the guy, but I am not sure. She use to skip school, a lot. I am so glad I didn't say any of those 9 things. 😞