Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
After a long needed hiatus, I have returned to you G@G, and not without the take that I promised. If you all recall, I wrote a racy take titled A PSA About P*ssy that detailed some facts, myths, and general opinions on the wondrous female anatomy. Well today I have decided that dicks need a little more love; from tallywackers to pork swords, chodes to horse cocks – today they all need a little attention and a little bit of a voice to dispel some of the fuckery myths and misconceptions about them, while sharing a few fun and helpful facts about them as well.
So without further adieu, allow me to educate you on the sorely under valued member of the male anatomy club: the male member!
See what I did there? Did you? Did you see it? It was a shitty joke in case it wasn’t obvious.
Now I won’t be doing this in the exact same format as I did in the other take as I don’t like to limit myself to any structure in particular, so if you find that the two don’t entirely coincide, don’t worry: I know. Some will be facts, some will be opinions, some will be nothing but me coming up with new ways to say yogurt swinger, peepee, Peter, baby arm, ham roll….
*Cough* I got carried away. Sorry, legit: without further adieu let’s talk about peckers. But first, cock cake,
What is a penis?
Call it a lollipop from 50’s candy shop if you will, but the truth of the matter is that peenors rarely contain a tootsie roll center. ~ RJ 2016
As a matter of fact, the male schlong consists of three kinds of tissue material: two corpora cavernosa (super epic special muscle pieces) and then corpus spongiosum, which is literally spongey material that sits between the corpora cavernosa. Indeed, while we like to call em’ boners, the penis doesn’t have any bones in it at all. Actually, the love shaft becomes hard typically upon either sexual arousal or other forms of stimulation (we’ll cover this later) which is a process in which blood rushes into the shafty-shoot and causes Mr. Winky to bulk up. By that I mean it gets longer, harder, and generally thicker.
Of course, we all know that no skin flute is complete without a set of balls, which is where they keep the baby gravy. Who is getting uncomfortable now? Anybody? Anybody at all?
**I sincerely hope that my mother never finds this take. Then again I somehow doubt she’d be too surprised…
You have to be aroused to have an erection
False. Ladies, think about this for a second: how many of us have had a day where we got drenching wet for NO REASON? Contrary to popular belief, men don’t have to be thinking of porn scenarios in their mind in order to get an erection. Erections can happen during sleep (with no stimulation) or by other various forms of stimulation, intentional or not. This is how male rape exists ladies and gentlemen – yes, a man can be raped FYI, that’s another fact I’d like to put out there. The body will respond to stimulation, this goes for women as well; if you stimulate something enough there’s a chance of getting results. But I won’t get too far into the heavy stuff here for the sake of keeping this take light hearted, I just had to get my two-cents about that issue in. More on that subject later.
There are gents with tiddly-bits that can stand to attention at the slightest breeze and there are dudes who simply wake up with their penetrator looking up towards the stars; the phenomenon of morning wood is actually more neurological in nature than what one would expect. Scientists actually believe that it’s caused when the neurotransmitter Norepinephrine basically causes vasoconstriction in the blood vessels that exist in the whang. What does that translate to you might ask? It means that you won’t piss yourself in the night actually in a lot of cases. The erection restricts the urethra and can prevent bed-wetting, which has psychological benefits to say the least. Hurray for not soaking the sheets!
Appreciate your morning glory.
Penises are UGLY!!!
Okay, let’s take a moment to be serious here: I am the first person to say that penises are a lot like being best friends with Shrek; you love and appreciate them but they smell and you don’t want to look at them too hard. But my opinion on the matter began to change after a rather inspiring video submitted by YouTube icon Shane Dawson on the matter of penis shaming. Naturally I’ll provide you with a link below if you feel inclined to watch it.
You all know I addressed the issue of women being ashamed or shamed about the appearance of their vaginas, but if we really want to compare the two, one-eyed-anacondas not only get that same shame tenfold, they’re typically treated as a joke. I mean come on, cockles are basically the pinnacle of cheap, crude humor and we all love to poke fun at how ugly they are or how they cause men to make situational and bad decisions.
While it is all intended to be fun and games, men can feel the affects of genital shaming just the same as a woman can when she’s told her pootie-tang looks like a viral plant monster from Resident Evil Outbreak that has to be destroyed with acid to advance in the game.
I mean how many size questions have you seen on G@G? There’s a reason for that you know; people poke way too much fun at the size of guy’s ding-dongs like if you can’t rock at least an 8 incher your life is fucking over. But that’ll be the next segment’s issue.
So before you go shitting on the spiddle-stick, keep in mind that it’s not okay to shame something somebody can’t change and keep the jokes light-hearted and to a minimal. You wouldn’t like it if somebody called your cooch a swamp monster so don’t tell a guy that his joystick is ugly just for being a joystick; if anything, you should appreciate the tube steak. After all, it gives women a lot of benefits: children, pleasure, an increase in endorphins that can help fight pain and even depression … you get the gist.
Size matters, doesn’t matter, is important, isn’t important…
Here’s a new rule: don’t bitch about size unless you want someone to bitch about tightness. That’s right: I’m leveling the playing field! No one is allowed to complain unless they are ready to have their genitals taken into question and ridiculed. Sound fair?
In all seriousness though, size is such a big (no pun intended) issue when it comes to talking about nature’s ham-hocks, so much so that the G@G feed is ever plugged up with size questions that stem from insecure men who have been made to feel that if you aren’t 8”+ that they’ll NEVER be able to satisfy a woman.
I’m going out on a limb here and I am going to say NAH. That’s not true.
First of all: length doesn’t necessarily improve sex unless you are capable of hitting the g-spot, which doesn’t require you to have a 10” lightsaber. In fact, the g-spot is often located only inches from the vaginal opening and is stimulated easiest if the shaft has a slight curvature. Even then, g-spot orgasms are so rare and elusive for 70% of women that the easiest bet for her to achieve sexual satisfaction is through either a mixture of foreplay and intercourse or by just plain ol’ clitoral stimulation. That’s right: that means a chubby-chode could very well be just as satisfying as a 6” dick, if you know how to use it. I'm not an expert on the matter but all I'll say is the women I questioned came to a similar if not identical consensus.
Of course, that doesn’t mean there aren’t women out there who won’t be turned off if you have a micropenis, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to accept the worst possible scenario. All I can say is to be a good and attentive lover and you can make your martini mixer work in a pinch. If you can’t, well, there’s always the alternative:
**I didn't put this picture as an insult, it just made me fucking laugh.
Alright that's my time ladies and gents, as always feel free to leave your comments and feedback below and be sure to include the hashtage #sexedwithrj if you want to see more takes like this. I hope this made your Monday a little bit better and you got a kick out of it because I know I did.
Keep it classy.
What Girls & Guys Said
11 24Martini mixer?
... Ok, whatevs
Bravo! An excellent take on the finer nuances of the Infamous Meathammer.
i actually learned something. didn't know epinephrine was involved in morning wood. live and learn thanks! #sexedwithrj
Tube steak... I've got some new lingo to try out.
You're welcome.
nice job, well done.
Nice :) media.giphy.com/media/7RFVTKDnnqG7C/giphy.gif
My cock is 3 inches hard, is it small? I sometimes feel like I should just out my pinky finger in so chicks feel like my dick is big.
The only kind of penis shamimg/hating I do is with dickpics. Why do guys send dickpics who don't want them? That is gross, because it is a dick I don't want from a guy I don't want on a time I don't want it. So please guys, enlighten me, why?
Besides in all honesty, I love what all kinds of genitals can do and what they can feel like, but I just dont feel they look pretty. Pussy as well as dicks. That's okay, I still love touching them and making them happy if I like the person attached :p just please don't send me pictures because the sight alone is not attractive.
I agree with everything except you missed something. Girls have an A-Spot , not just a G-Spot. The A - Spot is deeper in the vagina. When she gets arroused her vagina tents and expands, the whole area at the deepest part of the vagina is the A-Spot (not the cervix). If you know how to angle it when you thrust you can give her orgasms that way, but if you just go in and out you'll probabaly hit her cervix, so they angles have to be right so that doesn't happen. Your dick has to be long enough to teach it. Unnarroused the vagina averages 3-5 inches depending on the girl and can expand twice as much when she's arroused, how much depends on the girl.
So to hit that spot your penis has to be long enough, (or your vagina has to be short enough).
An interesting fact is that only 7 percent of the male population reaches 7 inches and only 1 percent reaches 8 inches. On the other hand 80 percent of internet posters are at least 7 inches.
I can urinate with an erection it is not impossible.
Not sure if that is what you said but there is a myth that you can't.
It's not impossible but it can sometimes be fairly difficult.
She didn't talk about this. But you're right.
Dicks look pretty good when i watch porn...
Because of the massive size of the porn stars?
expert
Message me for vids then ahem
Size and shape is more important to sexual satisfaction than you imply. I think it's ultimately better to have the whole truth insofar as it can be ascertained. It won't make the penilely disadvantaged happy but at least it will remove doubt and confusion.
I think you should bear this in mind in your planned take on size.
Not really
@CrazynKinky One thing this site has taught me is when it comes to sex people are like the six blind men of Hindoostan. Statistics don't tell the story either. Sexual statistics are some of the most shoddily compiled I have ever seen. They are even worse than political ones. Even the anatomy is not beyond dispute "A 2009 British study concluded that its (the G-spot) existence is unproven and subjective".
I'm gonna defend the g-spot here, not going to explain how but it exists friend. Lol.
I'm not disputing it, protest to the British people who did the study. Personally I have some experience of the A-spot. You have to be at least 7 inches to ride that ride. The most knowledgeable and experienced woman sexually I ever encountered had very define and well reasoned views on size and shape. It matters. It may be as Napoleon observed about battle "the (psychological) is to the physical as three is to one" but 1/4 is still a pretty substantial chunk.
It's even more important if the psychological end isn't functioning at 100%.
I do have a question how many men have you slept with? I'm not trying to be a bitch here but the only difference it really makes is how you do it. Different shape different size like she said you just have to know how to use it. There's great positions for all of them.
@CrazynKinky She kind of has a point.
You know the question which originally brought me to this site was reading elsewhere on the web the oft quoted statistic that only 1/4 of women have orgasms during penetration. It flabbergasted me because I've had 28 girlfriends and except for two who didn't have orgasms at all (pretty much in line with 5% of women who apparently can't orgasm) all of them did. Now I know women fake orgasms, though I never pressured any of my girlfriends to do so and a few of them might have possibly. that is to say there were a few where the orgasms they had were not exactly like the others in all respects. In the overwhelming majority of cases though, the woman would have to have astounding muscle control and the ability to secrete at will (not 'squirt, I've been with women who got very wet but never a 'squirter') if she were faking it. If you put a proportion of 3/4 white marbles to 1/4 red marbles in a jar the chances of drawing 26 red ones and only two white are well nigh astronomical.
So I was puzzled at how to reconcile my experience with the statistic. I credit myself with having a fairly clear headed idea about what I am and am not and remarkably skilled in the arts of love I am not. I'm considerate and attentive, I notice things, I'm thoughtful, I have good endurance and a really lousy refractory period. What I do have is a lot of personal qualities which make me attractive and according to the aforementioned very experienced older lover, an ideally sized and shaped penis. So I think it's only natural I draw the conclusion that it matters. You may have sensed a different part of the elephant.
It's possible to be soaking wet without an orgasm.
@CrazynKinky OK I'll go into detail, when a woman orgasms with your penis inside her there are a very distinct series of changes. There is some spasming but much more strangely things suddenly go loose and if you could feel the cervix (or the A-spot or whatever the semi-solid tissue is right at the back) it disappears. At the same time and despite there being less pressure you feel like you could orgasm in just a few thrusts delivered with the right timing. It's close to magical and I don't understand how it works. It's not like bringing yourself to orgasm in a woman who is not having an orgasm. So like said, I've got a lot of experience with orgasms during penetration and I think it would take a woman with a lot more study and skill than almost any of my girlfriends had to deceive me.