A PSA about P*ssy

[RJGraveyTrain]

That’s right: I wrote a whole take about vaginas; hoohas, pussies, vajayjays, clams, honey pots, FANNIES. Whatever you call it, it’s all attached to the same sacred body part of the wondrous female: the genitals. Now you may be wondering: RJ, why in the hell are you writing about vaginas? You creepy pervert!

Pervert I am not, creepy perhaps a touch. But I have a real, well-meaning intention behind writing this take, and it is to provide a public service announcement to all ages of men and women regarding some of the ridiculous ideas, standards, and myths about the clam pot.

I can’t go through one day of scrolling through the G@G feed without some young woman worrying about how her vagina looks and smells, and sometimes I even find young boys and grown men complaining about the same things.

Girls:

"He wants to eat me out, but I’m afraid of the smell. What do I do?"

"My labias stick out, is that disgusting?"

"There’s discolouration around my vagina … am I gross?"

Guys:

"Why doesn’t she just shave? Pussy hair is gross, bleeehhhh!"

"Her vagina smells bad, how can I make her wash it?"

"Her labias are unattractive and I want her to get surgery, does that make me a bad person?" (This was a legitimate question at one point)

When I see all of these questions pop up, I think only one thing: you are all so uneducated about the love kitten. So ladies and gentlemen I hope you aren’t the awkward types because here is some insight on the rare and elusive vagina, from facts, myths, and general information … or … should I say … GENITAL … information. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. See what I did there? Did you? Okay … moving on:

Fact: Vaginas have a scent

Wait, what? Vaginas don’t smell like roses? Or birthday cake? They smell like … vaginas!? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!? AHHH!!!

Okay, clearly I am over exaggerating, but I am so very tired of hearing people obsess over the fact that the vagina has a scent, because … well, let’s be honest: vaginas don’t smell good in general. Sell the whole “if you eat a ton of fruit you’ll smell sweet” crap all you want but no honey dew melon is going to make a vagina lose its inherent: I’m a freaking vagina smell. Take it from a 70% herbivore: no fruit has made my lady bits smell sweet, and I eat a ridiculous amount of fruit. It still smells like a vagina.

Of course, if you don’t wash out the clam pot it’ll start to smell perhaps a bit extra clammy, but no amount of feminine wash, soap or spray will ever take away that hint of pussy that your lady bits are SUPPOSED TO HAVE. Yes, your vagina is supposed to smell like a vagina, and shoving all kinds of soap in it isn’t actually good for it. As a matter of fact, people don’t realize that the vagina is basically a self-cleaning model and it doesn’t require much fuss or muss outside of warm water. Ask any gyno and they’ll tell you that using standard soaps can mess with your feminine pH levels, which should ideally remain between 3.5-4.5 in order to prevent unhealthy bacteria from forming down there. Using too much soap can cause irritation, infection and even INCREASE the likelihood of you forming foul odors.

Instead, you should regularly only use water to clean your girlfriend, and if you really struggle with scent then dermatologists recommend you use a feminine-hygiene specific wash or cleansing cloth. There is no need to abuse these products however, they should be used as per their recommended daily use indicates.

Embrace the aroma of the cooter!

Fact: Vaginas don’t all look the same

Vaginas are like snowflakes: no two are the same, and they get wet when you make them hot, especially if you put your tongue on them. ~ RJ 2016

Am I making you uncomfortable yet? Good, good.

Riske humor aside, I am being quite serious when I say that not all vaginas belong to a slab of dough that’s intended to be molded by a perfect cookie-cutter that makes it a pristine, perfectly packaged puss. Some have no visible labias, some have dangling labias; some have discolouration while some may be accompanied by foopas. Whatever the case may be, if your vagina functions normally, then it looks exactly how it was meant to.

Generally speaking as well as specifically speaking, we put way too much unfair pressure on ourselves and one another with this ridiculous concept of we are all “supposed” to look a certain way. Really, if you take that statement alone and really think about it for a moment, you will immediately catch the flaws in its logic. First of all: if we were all meant to have perfectly bald baby vajeejoos that have all of the bits well and tucked up inside of themselves like a proper lady then we all WOULD. But, not everybody does.

I won’t lie, I never knew that there were women who had labias that hung outside of the vagina until a few years ago when a good friend of mine voiced her concerns about it; before then, I didn’t know belittling terms like “meat curtains” even existed. I just remember thinking to myself: how sad that people judge the look of a vagina when it’s worth its weight in gold. I hope they never get laid.

So to those of you with coarse pubic hair, discolouration, “meat curtains”, foopas, or whatever else, know that your punani is not abnormal, or gross, or weird. Just like your finger print, your vajeen is unique to you and it certainly doesn’t make you more or less attractive. If that doesn’t make you feel better, then consider this: once you open that sucker up, they all look like they’re a few teeth away from looking like a monster out of Silent Hill. Or the predator's mouth.

Myth: Shaving pubic hair is easy and no big deal

Screw you. If you only understood the plight!

For those of you who have ever bitched about a girl having pubic hair, let me educate you really quick: the vagina is sensitive, inside and out. Have you ever had razor burn on your face? You know … those itchy, irritated red bumps? Imagine getting those on your two-eggs-and-a-hanky for a second and tell me that shaving my vagina is no big deal.

The skin on the vagina is quite sensitive, so shaving almost always promises little pimple-like rashes and even boils (yes, boils, puss filled boils, imagine it, never forget it) to form, typically as a result of razor burn or ingrown hairs. That’s right: that perfectly naked look lasts for a day maximum before the barrage of irritation can start. That means that if we shave down there, we have to take a lot of measures to make sure we don’t break out into looking like we have some kind of STD.

That means sharp, new razors, thick lather, and potentially more products to prevent bumps from forming; which, if you didn’t know, keeping your razor in practically NEW condition is pretty hard if you need to use it regularly. Then of course there’s the one-to-two-day stubble period which is even more fun. We can’t just shave back over the grain every time hair sprouts up, Chuck, unless we want to guarantee irritation.

So the easy solution is clearly to just get it waxed, right?

Bite me.

I’ve had a Brazilian before, and while it was effective, it was the most AWKWARD experience I have ever had in my entire life. Having some stranger rip hair out of your lady bits at every angle, crack-to-crack is not only extremely painful, but it’s mortifyingly embarrassing and weird. Not to mention you have to do a follow up appointment pretty much every week to two weeks depending on how fast your hair grows back – which yes, means you have to grow the hair back out before you can wax it again.

So if you have a girl that trims, shaves, or waxes, please be grateful and non-judgmental if she isn’t always perfectly plucked bald, would you?

Myth: The more sex a woman has, the looser her pussy gets

This is just silly.

People have this notion that only virgin vaginas or vaginas that are inexperienced are “tight” while an experienced one is “loose.” I don’t know if you all understand how the body words, but if you were to say, stretch your mouth like you were making a funny face … what do you think would happen? No matter what your mothers told you, it wouldn’t stay that way; it’d go back to normal. So unless she is trying to pry her vagina open for hours on end like she’s spacing her earlobes … you can drop that notion.

Yes, when you’ve never had a penis it might be a little bit tighter and difficult to insert yourself into the vagina, but that goes far beyond the simplistic idea of “tightness”, it’s actually a little more muscular than that. The vaginal muscles, when in a state of rest, are clenched tightly, which only increases with anxiety and lack of arousal. The more aroused and relaxed a woman is, the easier it is to insert. The more accustomed one becomes to having sex, the easier the process is. It’s that simple.

It doesn't mean your dick is doomed to unsatisfying sex for the rest of your relationship, dingbat.

That’s right; that means that just because a woman has had sex with multiple guys doesn’t mean she has a gaping hole down there. That also means that just because she’s had children doesn’t mean that her vagina is just this dangling slab of meat that is going to feel like a bucket of wet rags. Will she feel like a virgin? No, but if she keeps the muscles strong down there, you’re fine.

I think I've traumatized you all enough for one day. If you enjoyed this take and would like to see more like it on other sex-related topics, respond with the hashtage #sexedwithRJ. Depending on how well this does, I'll do a follow up take about penises. Yes: PENISES. I hope you all found this nonetheless comforting, enlightening, or at least laugh worthy, because while I made light of it, #vaginashame is a very real and unfortunate thing that I feel just does not need to exist. We're coming into a time where being ashamed of your body is something we are ever trying to eradicate, and what better way for me to contribute than by sharing some #pussylove with all of you today.

I hope you all have a great week and I look forward to your feedback.

[somanybugs]

They sell vagina soaps that helps maintain the right pH.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Yes I do mention that.

[zagor]

In the US a fanny is an ass. In Oz it means pussy. Didn't know it was the same in Canada.

[larry69]

This is awesome and dont forget periods.

[Trotters]

@RicanEyes will you make me a cake like this please?

[RicanEyes]

Lmao!!! You have me dying laughing. You want a cupcake like that? sure. :-)

[Skeye89]

#sexedwithRJ i'm assuming your vagina is extremely wide

[TheLoft]

Loved this!

[hotstuffSRD]

Hahaha 😂
Like seriously?
I was laughing all the time reading your myTake
You're funny
Single 😶?
Anyways it was an interesting and funny myTake 😊

[pewdiepie_]

I would like to eat that cupcake in front of my girlfriend. lol.

[pewdiepie_]

by the way Great article on Vagina.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Thank you very much poods.

[pewdiepie_]

Bro Fist! You are most Welcome :)

[truedee-sire]

You should do a take about penises next

[TwentySomething]

Who the hell doesn't know these things?

[lazermazer]

@shaving n waxing part... i m like. ehhhhaaaaa

[Noxifer626]

Nice take!
As a virgin guy I want to learn all I can, haha.

[FantasyGeek05]

Whoever complains about the smell is a pussy

Man up

Pussy.

[theegreat017]

I have never read something like this before, you should go create a bestseller.

[Alfieboy82]

Good points well made. I too am fed up of hearing of complaints about vaginas in all their forms. What happened to a girl entering womanhood without worrying she no longer has a crotch like a Barbie doll? And what happened to the elation a young man used to feel when ever he was allowed access?

[Mybeachlife88]

Ummmm... so I disagree 100% with the smell. Your pussy should not smell. I've been with many women, more than I'd like to admit... and 95% of them never smelled. If there's a "pussy" smell... then something is wrong. I feel like guys would know more about this than women (except maybe some lesbians). We are face to face with vaginas more than you think, while you deal with the same one every day.

[Hannah591]

They naturally have a smell, when you're up close, but I personally can't smell mine unless I need a shower. If they've had a shower but it still smells bad, they've either not washed properly or they've got some kind of infection.

[Mybeachlife88]

@Hannah591 I agree

[Red_Arrow]

@Hannah591 - Actually, there is not much washing to do to the area. The vagina is self cleaning, so just warm water used in the vulva should be enough. But when she is involved sexually, she will be putting out more and more of her natural lube, and that carries a smell (a very good one, imo). If there is no smell, she is not getting very wet.

[biguyct]

my favorite topic :P

[babu_001]

This made my day!

[Bitterpill]

Well I think we are all more well informed about the vagina now, thank you RJ.

[Careless_Whisper]

All this mytake does is feed the perverts on here.

[Hannah591]

It helps young women not feel insecure.