About Oral sex......?

[Anonymous]

I have never had sex before. I want to know if you are making out with a guy, and he stops kissing you and starts to bite you {Gently not hard} down from your neck to your stomach - is it likely he is going to keep going or would he stop and do something else,if he did not know how you felt at that time?... If I am in a situation, where I think the guy is going to go for oral or maybe full sex how should I stop it without being too awkward. I mean I am not against sex, but I want some warning, or discussion - - not when we are already intimate. I want to know what the signs are that someone is going to try oral or fingering BEFORE they get there. How would you intervene casually so they do not feel teased or offended{Sometimes communication gets messed up right?} Is it reasonable to assume that if a guy starts with his hands he will continue with his hands, and if he starts with his tongue he will continue? I.e 1. If he is massaging your body from top to bottom he will end up fingering you IF it goes that far. 2. If he starts kissing or biting you from top to bottom he will end up doing oral IF it goes that far. Guys , how would you like a girl to let you know she WANTS oral or fingering? How would you like her to let you know she does NOT WANT oral or fingering... Would you be so dissapointed you would stop everything? I am not trying to tease... I do not mind experimenting... I do not want to be taken by surprise for now, since I am new at all of this - Oh, and I trust the person I am with... I just want to be able to communicate in ways, so we do not have to stop and talk, everything does not get confused beyond the point of comfort. Also people can change their minds while ind while in the act ...So what if something was not covered while talking? I do not want to break the mood, or trust ... Any advice or shared experience would be great!

[Allegory]

That's a lot of area to cover lol :) I would say this in short:

1. How a girl might let a guy know that oral is ok?

1A. If you take just talking out of the equation which is always best I find sucking on my fingers and moving them down your stomach while still wet is the clearest non verbal green light for me that I have had. In the end guys choose whether it's tongue or not depending on the guy. I could be wrong but I think most guys that are game always start tongue and guys that are not game at all start finger but I could be wrong on that. I couldn't imagine starting finger first but just me.

2. Does kissing or biting downward mean he will do oral if it goes that far?

2A. Honestly no, some will do all that and never do oral & some will go straight for oral before doing that. It's all on the guy and the percieved sense of relaxation and connection with the girl. Mood changes everything.

3. Oral/Fingering for the first time?

3A. In my experience oral/fingering is not something you slide into without some discussion since it is very personal and invading if the other person isn't clearly game. It's a risk for guys, girls can give oral with much less concern for negative response then guys can. So most guys will not go there unless they have had sex first or seen the girl nude or had their hand pushed downwards in some way. It's not the next logical step for many guys since many girls are protective or nervous in that way.

4. How would you like her to let you know she does NOT WANT oral or fingering?

4A.The best way to say you don't like oral/fingering for me is if that is being discussed just say your not ready for that and proceed to kiss the guy and reward for the thought. Non-verbally I would say just pull the guy back up and kiss face to face with a smile.

The key with me and I think many guys is to remember it is our job to push & move the dance along, yours to limit the speed and correct the direction.

So anything you don't want to do guys are cool with just say no with a smile and reward with energy in some area that is already established. Say no to oral? Smile and say yes to French kissing. Say no to French Kissing? Smile and proceed to kiss his neck. Say no to kissing? Smile and entwine his fingers with your while rubbing them. Get the idea? With guys if you kill the progress just redirect the energy into areas that are ok.

The worst thing you can do to a guy is shoot them down and give the idea that there is not any open door for them to keep dancing through. You shoot a guy down hard and cold and he will either become hyper aware of your lead or ignore it completely both of which I have never known a girl to like.

[Asker]

A guy was biting me , and I accidentally hit him because I was not expecting to be bitten... He became more distant after that and I ended up stopping things cause it seemed like he was mad. But I thought he was kind of mad in the first place, like maybe that is why he was biting me... NOt that people bite when they are mad, but if they are, iust seems a reasonable way to show it. I say this because of how moody he seemed in general plus that he started biting instead of kissing. .. IDK

[Allegory]

Well I can say that in my experience biting is never associated with being angry. In fact the more angry I am the less likely I am to bite. For me biting is getting as close to primal sex as I let myself get with most girls and think that's true for many (not all guys). I am willing to bet the issue with him isn't so much what happened that night and more how something that night was yet "one more example" of something that happened earlier.

[Allegory]

Most guys don't let one issue in one night of making out, often it's a series of things that kill our mood. Not saying you did anything wrong but ask the guy it is prob something stupid that has been festering for a while?

[Asker]

I still do not get the 'comment box' Anyways this is in response to the biting not when angry......So you do not think he would bite me because he was mad even if he WAS mad.... I guess I would like that to be true- I mean I like him I would not want to think he would express his anger during a time when I would want trust- I'd rather he talk about it....... Do you think a guy would stop kissing you, and bite instead if he WAS mad? You said it was primal.. Is that important to you? Why?

[Allegory]

I can't speak for all guys but I hold back during sex so I don't hurt the girl or move to fast. If I really like or trust a girl and know they can handle a little more physicality or pain I loosen up a bit and can find myself softly biting or griping arms & forcing her around more. For me that is not possible to do when I have anything on my mind especially being angry. It comes from being in the moment and enthralled in the woman I am with, not angry but just me

[Allegory]

If I was mad I would not bite, and not kiss and either stop (which is more likely) or just focus on getting what I want from the girl and forget her wants (less likely but possible). Not that all guys are alike but more guys are alike then girls are like girls so I would say he didn't bite you to punish. But you were there and might have a better idea.

[ryanontario]

if your fooling around with the guy you should know if he wants sex or not . and once he starts kissing you in certain places you should by then have an idea where its headed , it sounds to me like he's trying some " foreplay " on you as they say which is intended to lead to the main event .