Abusive ex. should I tell my current boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

m ex boyfriend was very abusive. I have a scar above my eye from where he pushed me through a glass door. he used to hit me kick me spit on me and he even raped me. this all happened about a year ago and a half ago and now I have been able to open up a bit and allow another man into my life. we have been dating for about 6 months. I feel like I act distant and unsure around him sometimes and he notices it too. I want to tell him why and I want to tell him about my past. I'm just unsure of how he will react. What would you advise me to do?

[ThirtyThree]

A problem shared is a problem halved! If he's a good man he'll be happy that you feel confident enough to trust him with this news. But you've also got to ask yourself if you think telling him will help you psychologically, or perhaps negatively impact him somehow. It could upset him greatly, or make him aggressive towards your ex if you still live near him or something like that.

Advice would be to suggest you and your boyfriend talk about it, but take care not to unload pressure on him. If he's a solid guy he'll be willing to do that of his own free accord once you've shared this with him.

[MrOracle]

I would say this:

If he does not know who your ex is, do NOT tell him. Many guys will want to confront the guy who abused their girlfriend, but this usually will not end well for anyone.

Other than that, yes, you need to tell him. It will explain many things for him, and will help both of you get past the things that happened to you before.

You must NEVER tolerate abuse again.

[queenofpeen]

I say tell him, especially because not telling him is negatively affecting your relationship.

How he reacts will depend on his personality, but I think most loving boyfriends would comfort you and definitely appreciate you opening up. Your boyfriend isn't just the guy you're dating, he's hopefully also your really good friend, and friends are there for each other.

[stercor]

By all means tell him.

It will either make you closer or more distant.

Each has its advantages.