Sexual Health
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All he wants from me is oral, and nothing more?

Me and this guy had hooked up a few times and I gave him oral sex. A few months later, he got a girlfriend. They recently broke up after 2 years and I noticed he started calling me again to come hang out. Each time we hung out he asked me to give him oral... After a couple times of our hanging out, I realized he is just using me. Or is he? He writes me on Facebook and it seems like he is begging me to come over. I told him that I still have feelings for him, but he didn't say anything. Then the next day, ask for me to come to his house at like 12 midnight! I don't know what to do, cause I'm starting to realize, from writing this, that he doesn't like me at all. Just want my "services..." What can I do to tell him I'm not interested in his apparent "Friends with benefits" situation, politely? Or any other ways to get him back for treating me so horribly?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I feel like I always have to make this disclaimer now cause girls think I'm just being bitchy but I have spent my life in a predominately male environment, so I'm just saying this to try to tell you the other side of this.

    To a guy, what you guys are doing is kind of like an unspoken contract. You both agree to hook up & give him oral sex. That's how he is thinking. He doesn't have to force you to do it so he isn't thinking he is using you. He is thinking you are agreeing to it. Yes, he is being selfish as hell. But he isn't sitting at home thinking "Now how can I trick her into giving me another blowjob?" He assumes that when you come over, like you have come over in the past, you know it's going to end in him getting oral sex. Or maybe he is willing to have sex or give you oral but since you never ask, he is going to ask for oral.

    As women we think the more time we spend with a guy the more a relationship can grow. But guys don't think that way in cases like this. They are thinking the relationship the 2 of you have is just sex. He is keeping it just sex. He is showing you that by calling you late at night for sex. He is showing you that but not responded to you when you tell him you still have feelings. Cause, I am so sorry to say, he didn't have feelings to begin with. That's why he went off with another girl and became her boyfriend. I have seen this so many times with guys I worked with. They get a "friend with benefit", hook up a few times, while at the same time look for a girlfriend. Then when they get one, they cut off ties with the girl they are having sex with, only to contact her again if the relationship ends.

    I know that sounds so harsh but I don't want you to think he is thinking this is going anywhere. In his mind, you 2 are just people who hook up for sex. And he is probably looking for another girlfriend. That isn't a reflection on you. It's a reflection on the relationship he has with you.

    I would suggest stopping what you are doing cause you are not happy with it. If you agree to just have sex, then that's one thing. I would tell him I'm not just doing blowjob's, I want something too. But I think you want more than a late night hook up every blue moon. The polite way to end it is just to tell him that. You aren't at a stage where you want to be just having casual sex anymore. If he wants more, give you a call. Otherwise, ask him to please not call you.

    Also, if you do that, depending on how horny he is, he may kick up his attentions to you a little. But it won't be a lot. It will be just enough to make you feel a tiny bit special, but not enough to make you feel comfortable. He is doing that cause he still wants sex and it's easier to smooth talk the girl who is giving it to you, then to find a whole new girl. Only trust that he is interested when he spends a lot of time with you (on the phone, in person) and he isn't always asking for sex. That's how you'll know if he wants an actual relationship.

    • Thank you so much. That cleared up a lot of questions I had. I totally don't get guys, thus, in me joining this website. I like how you say 'unspoken contract' cause that is what he seems to think. I figured that eventually we would get together, so that's why I made myself so easy for him, but no. He was so infactuated by how I never gave oral to any other man before and I didn't think it was no big deal since I really liked him. But, he obviously doesn't like me at all except for what I do...

    • Beautifully written reply, "hisangel". What you described is exactly what I think is going on here too. I've been in this exact situation as she's in. Turns out I was just being used in the "meantime" for my sexually prowess. Her girlfriends started calling me after I ended it with her because I was so highly recommended. lol

    • You're very welcome. I'm glad it helped. And yeah, guys really do work off unspoken contracts is area. And they seriously don't get it when a woman gets mad and says "You were just using me for sex!" cause he is thinking "I thought we both were enjoying ourselves!" I hope you don't get too down on yourself and can just chalk it up to sex with a guy you found attractive rather than feeling so very used. Yeah he seems selfish but I don't get the impression he was trying to trick you.

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  • well I mean there's nothing wrong with just being in a sexual relationship. however I think its obvious that he knew you liked him but continued to use you. in all fairness, if you get on your knees more than once without him having to do nothing more than call you on the phone then I think you just need to come to grips with the fact that you are easy babe. nothing inherently wrong with that but you can't really get mad at him for it. It's a two way street. You think he is "treating you horribly" but honestly from what you wrote I think it was common sense from the get go that he didn't like you. You're on his d*** before he even had to say he was interested in you and continued hooking up with him right after he broke up with his girlfriend. That is what we call a rebound my love.

    I also think it's common sense that if a guy calls you up randomly past 10pm to come "hang out" and he hasn't showed ant signs of liking you as person or wanting conversation or anything then that is what we call a "booty call."

    He might be a jack ass who is using you, but you are giving him what he wants. He hasn't ever said he loves you, he hasn't actually declared you his gf, he hasn't given you roses or anything so I honestly don't think he is doing anything that would justify you saying he treats you oh so horribly. If he had done all this or actually responded positively to you admitting your feelings and continued to take advantage THEN he might be the "bad guy" in this picture. But he never even said he liked you and all he does is ask you to give him oral. I think you are the one who needs to take responsibility for your actions and accept that you put yourself in this situation.

  • I hate to put this bluntly, but he's using you. He was in a relationship for two years, making him capable of doing this with you. It's always a warning sign if someone asks you to come over at/after midnight. Guys will let you do this if you let them get away with it.

    I wouldn't give these types of people much thought. Don't waste your energy on revenge, when he probably won't care because he wasn't in love with you.

    Next time he contacts you, I would end it. There's no rhyme or reason to it. Just give him a quick explanation, but make sure to let him know he's in the wrong, and YOU shouldn't and won't tolerate it anymore. Stand up for yourself.

    • Yeah, I should have picked up on the warning signs...Thank you for your advice.

Most Helpful Guy

  • He is using you. You may try the honest approach and say I am looking for something more solid than midnight rendezvous. Tell him you expect more out of a relationship even if he does not.

    Unfortunately unless you are direct some guys will never get the meaning of what you are saying. Being direct does not have to mean being nasty to someone.

    • I agree and thank you for your advice.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Ignore everything anything from him, I knonits hard cus u like him but HE IS USING U & HE won't STOP UNTIL U STOP PLAYIN YO SELF.

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