Any Girl Who Will Use Sex as a Weapon Does Not Love You

[Anonymous]

Any girl who will threaten you by trying to "withhold sex" until you do something does not love you. She wouldn't treat you like that if she cared about you. I mean if she don't want to have sex, then don't! But don't like try to "Cut off" the guy to improve your bargaining position or something, as some kind of threat. The moment a girl uses sex as a weapon is the moment that I realize I probably she not be with her. Any girl that is greedy and self centered enough to think that way... she's probably not girlfriend material anyways. She would treat me like sh*t. Why would I want to be with some one who doesn't care about me? A girl would not treat a guy that way if she really loved him. Agree or Disagree?

[virgin_eyes911]

i disagree...

I haven't even had sex yet with my boyfriend and once he pissed me off by doing something he told me he wouldn't do. Which pissed me off...if a guy does something that he knows he shouldn't and you still end up giving him a bj or hj then that tells him well "I don't give a sh*t about what I told you and it doesn't matter what you say in the end you'll give me what I want anyway" Its like if a girl cheats on you with another guy and you find out but you keep taking her back she's obviously going to keep on cheating on you.

Anyway my boyfriend can boo hoo about his blue balls or how I cut him off all he wants. But if you do something stupid or say something and don't follow through don't expect me to follow through. Its that simple. You cut yourself off.

Its not a threat...i don't know what you mean by barganing position either

but if the above is what you mean by using sex as a weapon then maybe your just not boyfriend material and therefore ofcourse you would think that kind of girl isn't girlfriend material.

If you know you do something wrong don't expect the girl to be excited and forget so quick...and if you do and still expect, something is definitely wrong with that boy or girl.

In my opinion if a girl/guy awards his signifcant other after he or she does something stupid or sh*tty then that person is always going to get the gift of stupid and sh*tty.

If a guy ever said oh you don't love me because you totally cut me off just because I did this or that or didn't do this or that...there better be a good explanation.

[Asker]

1. If a girl cheated on me I would DUMP her. If a relationship has a serious issue like that, the couple should just break up.

[Asker]

2. I must point out that you just said: "Anyway my boyfriend can boo hoo about his blue balls or how I cut him off all he wants" YOU are the type of girl I am taking about. YOU do not love your boyfriend. You do not care about his feelings. You do not appreciate him. He should leave you. You deserve it.

[virgin_eyes911]

no the type of girl you seem to be talking about is not I. The type of girl you seem to be talking about is one that disagree's with you over I don't know we can use religion as an example. If a girl tells you she's buhdist and your catholic and that its wrong to be catholic so just come to the buhdist side and you say no I have strong beliefs in that...then you get to wanting to do something sexaul and she doens't want to do it because you didn't take her side ( religion) then that's a problem.

[Asker]

3. By your reasoning, any time you are pissed at our boyfriend, you start witholding things? Cause I can withhold things. Girls like it when I take them out to dinner, but I could withold that if they p*ss me off. Girls like it when I kiss them and give them compliments. But I can withhold that. They like it when I say nice things to them and make them happy. But I can withhold that. They like massages. I can withhold. etc...

[Asker]

Again, if a girl wanted to CHANGE MY ENTIRE RELIGION, then I would not want to be with her. If a girl needs a guy in a certain religion she should go find a guy who is ALREADY that religion. Do not try to change me. Love me as I am or leave me be. :-)

[virgin_eyes911]

If you p*ss your girlfriend off or tell her your going to do something or stop doing something of importance say I don't know stop smoking pot. and you do it anyway (you get caught)...you still would expect her to give you sex just because your horny and don't want to be cut off and if were mad you wld still be all oh I deserve to break up with you boo hoo whine whine whine... I think if your just going to do all that whining crap...its pitful and unattratctive no one gets there way all the time.

[virgin_eyes911]

lol no ones withholding anything from you... its not a toy, a treasure box or a peice of candy. It doesn't belong to you. The religion thing goes with your barganing because I don't understand what you mean by it was an example...I think you just can't take when you have blue balls so the first thing you want to do when a girl doesn't want to have sex is break up with them...is that what your in a relationship for "if "that is.

[Asker]

Sex is not something you give! It is something we share! You just don't seem to get it. Looking at sex as a bargaining chip or as a reward you give for certain behavior is IMMATURE!

[virgin_eyes911]

and alright I get what your saying about withholding things...yeah you could take us to dinner...yeah you could give us compliments but only the stupid ones think they deserve those things when they do something to p*ss there significant other off...i mean it'll pass if you work through it "which you don't seem to care about, you seem to just care about sex" but a lot of sex comes from emotional aspects in a girl they don't want to give it up if they feel you don't care.

[Asker]

What do you mean "I just care about sex"? I like JUST NOW listed a ton of other things I like to do with women. :-)

[virgin_eyes911]

lol well your going to think what you want to think...and I'm going to think what I want...this conversation isn't going anywhere because your not getting anything of what I'm saying. I don't bargain. Yeah sex is to be given but to someone who respects and loves you or who can wait til your ready. "angry sex" uhmmmm whatever that dude would be a dead man when I was through with him...better off just waitng til things are resolved or cooldown. any man that can't control his urge isn't a man.

[virgin_eyes911]

whoops I meant any man who can wait because he has the urge isn't a man...lol. Peaces good luck with your blue balls

[Asker]

I got all of what you are saying. Are you under the impression I did not understand you? I was listening. And I repeat. Sex is not something we give as a reward for good behavior! That is IMMATURE! Sex is something we share and enjoy AS EQUALS.

[Asker]

And really you sound like a terrible girlfriend. I would NEVER want to be with a girl who would talk to me the way you have been talking to me. Does anyone here disagree with me? Guys would you want to be with this girl? Ladies would you want to be with a lover who kept threatening you with "blue balls?" You do not sound like a nice person.

[virgin_eyes911]

wth dude I never threatend you with blue balls crazy I said good luck with them... and again typo any man who cannot wait because he has the urge is not a man...there you go. but same for you I would not want to date a guy who makes me mad and then still expects me to be in the mood to have sex with him. that's pretty selfish...im a very nice person when I'm not pissed off. 8) again goodluck.

[Asker]

Angry sex is the best sex there is. :-)

[udolipixie]

@QA To you it is.

[Asker]

I find that most people who bash on angry sex have simply never had it. :-)

[sebbyhillian1991]

You so blatantly use sex as a weapon... and don't try to make out that its only something that pleasures a guy. It pleasures both of you! You really are a hypocrite aren't you? Sex is something 2 people share its not something you 'give'. You can't both have sex unless your BOTH horny. It doesn't matter what shitty situation your in with your boyfriend coz relationship is about sacrifice... that is the only way it can work out. Hands down a girl does NOT love you if she uses sex as a weapon or anything as a weapon coz thats selfish behaviour... sex is a form of intimacy and its used to heal BOTH of you. I've been messed around by quite a few women before (yes im a guy you surprised?) because my libido wosen't strong enough for them so trust me i know it happens on both sides and trust me when a girl uses anything as a weapon on you she is being selfish and does not love you... grow up

[Ruffruffs]

I think people are interpreting this question in different ways. There is a HUGE difference between not wanting sex while having relationship problems (when you're angry at someone your first thought is usually not oh let's have sex!) and not denying sex to manipulate (ex: get him to buy you something). The first is understandable and acceptable while the second is vile.

[Ruffruffs]

I meant to say "and denying sex" :P

[Asker]

I agree, but I worded the Question SPECIFICALLY and carefully to make it clear what I am saying. I think the people who "do not understand it" did not actually read it to begin with. I made it clear, if a girl does not want to have sex, then she shouldn't! Period. I am in no way pressuring a girl to have sex if she does not want. But if she stops having sex to "punish" her boyfriend and uses sex as a weapon, then she clearly does not love him.

[Asker]

Besides, angry sex is great sex! I think tons of people would agree with me, that it is very common to want to have sex with some one you are angry at, if you find that some one attractive.

[Minxxe]

i think it's more a case of when there is serious discord in your relationship the last thing you want to do is have sex with the person who's upsetting you, it's got nothing to do with being treated like sh*t.

i'd never offer up my body for my man to use if we were having problems - what sign does that send out to him.

[Asker]

what on earth are you talking about? Angry sex is like the best sex there is! And afterward whatever you fought about seems unimportant. :-)

[Minxxe]

maybe for you it is, it's just my personal take on things we don't do "angry" or "make up" sex we tend to discuss things until we reach a compromise that might work. when we're not getting along with one another I can't think of anything appealing or attractive about either one of us. lol

[Asker]

Anyways, you know what I'm talking about! I'm talking about when a couple has a fight and the girl REFUSES to have sex until the guy apologizes. She wants to do it, but she refuses to because she wants to win the fight more, and like "punish" the guy. Any girl who would do that does not really love or appreciate her guy.

[Asker]

And often times this type of threat will be used in many other situations as well. Not just holding out in order to win a fight and make him say he was wrong (i.e. an apology).

[Asker]

I'll tell you what worries me Minxxe is that you describe sex as "offering up your body for a man to use" that right there has me worried. Sex is not about being used, sex is about giving and receiving pleasure.

[Minxxe]

that all sounds like child's play to me, once you and your lady have matured properly, this sort of thing won't happen. it just sounds like a waste of energy to me, on both parts. personally I would like to slap any girls that do this to their men vindictively because it gives the rest of us a bad name, that's what I call a pricktease, one of my pet hates of the female species.

[Asker]

except for those people who enjoy feeling "used" every now and then. Also known as rough sex. lol. I know I like to feel "used" by my partner sometimes. I like to know that they want me so bad... But that is still in the context of giving and receiving pleasure. :-)

[Asker]

:-) our conversation got crossed.

[Minxxe]

"i'd never offer up my body for my man to use if we were having problems - what sign does that send out to him" this is different to what you quote me. what else can I call it except what it is, if my mind is upset then so is my body, they are one and the same and my pleasure and stimulation all starts in my brain not in the arousal of my genitals as it does with men. I don't know if that's a good way to describe it to you, but I'm programmed to react as differently to my man as he is to me xx

[Asker]

I was talking about describing sex as "offering up ones body to be used." That is not a healthy way to look at sex. That is an unhealthy way to look at it right there. If that is what you are programed to do, you need to re-program in some new attitudes that will not cause you pain and misery and self-loathing.

[Minxxe]

LOL yeah I thik we got crossed for a minute. don't get me wrong how we deal with problems is not indicative of the type of sex we have! I love it rough and he can use me that's fine within the confines of a happy stable relationship, but where there is substance to the argument...let's just say we don't live together so it's not a problem ;0)

[Minxxe]

sh*t, one of my comments got lost! Lol, yeh we got crossed. you're misunderstanding me, I cannot separate my body from my mind. the point of "offering" I can't explain any better than that, I do not withold sex because if we are mad at each other, it does not even feature in the relationship, I will not get it from him and he will not ger from me. how we deal with discord is not indicative of the type of sex we have, I too like it very very rough ;0)

[Asker]

I find it truly difficult to believe you have never wanted to have sex with some one you are angry with. Really? It is a very common thing.

[KarKingJack]

I didn't read all the comments but in regards to your answer; that's not what QA is talking about. QA is talking about when a girl wants something from her boyfriend, be it an apology, money, to be 'treated better', whatever it is, on fair grounds or not, and she says 'I'm not going to have sex with you until you do this for me'. Obviously they wouldn't have sex in that time, if they're going through a period of futility, but the point is she's using that as a weapon, right?

[Asker]

Anyways Minxxe, I am glad you have great sex! :-)

[KarKingJack]

Lol, I think that point already got made actually I should have read the comments, hahaha

[Minxxe]

i HAVE wanted it from him when he's mad at me, the difference being I don't treat sex as my birth right even within a relationship, no matter his feelings it has to be right for me too. anyway this'll be our 9th year, given we've always had mind-blowing sex comes from communication and compromise so nothing there that's unhealthy or self-loathing about it. I realize now, this question doesn't apply to me, lol!

[Asker]

haha, Minxxe, it does not sound like this applies to you at all. it applies to the person above you, "Virgin Eyes 911" :-)

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I really hate when women use that as a weapon. It's so f***ing immature "oh, I'm gonna have it my way or we're not having sex anymore" is usually what it comes down to. F***ing pisses me off.

But ya, this would sound more like deeper problems in the relationship so ya... I'd probably be like "f*** then, we're done, I'm not gonna be bullied so you have it your way."

I mean, I spoil a girl quite a bit when we're together (I like to make her happy), but if we're having an argument it's because something I believe in or have a principle towards/against is something she's not quite getting or whatever and if she's gonna try and use sex to bend me away from my principles? F***that...

[virgin_eyes911]

well that would be f***ed up...

[Asker]

Exactly, I love to make women happy! I love to treat them well. But if a girl is going to treat me badly, then I am GONE. Its better to be with some one who appreciates you. :-)

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Yep, I can't stand unappreciative people :\

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

@update problem: close the window, re-open it. It still has reply on cache so it's sending submits to the server. Gotta close it down (the site) and then reload it.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

everytime you refresh if you leave this open it's sending submits. Stop refreshing after you update, gotta leave the page entirely/close it and come back to the question.

[Asker]

Thanks that's good to know.

[Anonymous]

That's the first time I've seen this... all the guys agree, all the girls disagree.

I think that illustrates very clearly a difference in perception between the sexes. These girls think using sex as a weapon, does not mean she does not love you.

Personally, I think any girl that uses a weapon against you, REGARDLESS of what that weapon is, doesn't love you.

This has never been a problem for me, because I've always been upfront and honest with any girl I've dated. If she decides to use sex as a weapon, I'll get sex elsewhere. It's the nuclear option. Trying to use sex as a weapon, destroys the relationship instantly. No ifs, ands, buts, maybes, or take-backs.

[Asker]

I agree. Sex should never be a weapon. That is an alarm bell that this is going to be a bad girl who will treat me badly and I should get out now.

[udolipixie]

I agree.

For girls any guy who can't wait until you're ready, doesn't understand you're not in the mood(headache, sad, tired) or doesn't get that when you're angry at him you don't want sex with him does not love you.

[taster]

Not my Down Arrow Pixie...I agree with your statement..but you changed the question...didn't u?

[Asker]

@udolipixie. :-) did you even read the question or just the title? lol. Because I CLEARLY stated in the question that that was not what I meant. If a girl has a headache, then I would not want to have sex, I'd just roll over and go to sleep. I am talking about when a girl has a fight or something with her boyfriend and in order to win the fight, she refuses to have sex until he apologizes (whether or not he was wrong). I am talking about using sex as a weapon to control others.

[udolipixie]

I did read the question. I just added my own advice for girls. Seriously get over this obsession using sex as a weapon is what most girls do & using sex as a game (pump & dump, pua, players) is what a few guys do & most guys wish they had the skill or looks to do.

[taster]

For the record: I cannot remember any girl having ever done this to me in my lifetime...but I have observed it around me on occasion...I repeat...it is not wise behavior to signal to the male that the most important thing you have to offer him is sex...

[udolipixie]

It doesn't have to be signaled most guys already think that.

[taster]

Since you said "most" ..I will not hang you in effigy

[Asker]

@udolphie "obsession" this discussion thread is about girls using sex as a weapon, lol. That is the subject of the question! That is what everyone came hear to talk about. At first I thought you did not read the question, now I see you were just trying to change the subject. If you want to talk about headaches etc... just start your own question. Don't accuse me of having an "obsession" just because I am sticking to the subject of my own question, lol. Chill out.

[udolipixie]

It's an obsession because you keep repeating the same things you're not discussing anything you're just repeating, attacking those you view as unappreciative/not loving if they don't share your views on sex calling them terrible girlfriends, and dismissing those who don't want angry sex. Change the subject? Nope. I agreed & gave advice to girls about sex. I stuck to the subject & didn't expand or promote my advice.

[taster]

QA...u may as well give up..doesn't matter whether you like Pixie or not (I do) or whether you agree..u will not win..but I had one the other day where some a$$hole bashed my main fetish...I have been indulging my fetish for 35 years..the idiot (19 years old) said that people like me were mentally ill...he has not been on the planet long enuf to know if he is mentally ill or not..if you don't believe me let me know and I will paste our post to u...

[udolipixie]

Aww that's sad.

[virgin_eyes911]

I like her too...people who have common sense I seem to like

[taster]

Pixie! Some days you are just Sinister...but I think that maybe...just maybe,u have more sympathy for me than you outwardly exhibit...and that is a VERY bold statement for me...considering that I NEVER look for sympathy from females...that is a lesson I learned ? how long? keep in mind that I am well into Dinosaurhood...

[Asker]

as I said Pixie... chill. And I am glad to hear you agree, although you have a funny way of showing it.

[martyfellow]

The fact that so many women do this to punish guys for not doing what the girl wants...is really an outrage.

[martyfellow]

And, as you see above, it's really a widespread attitude among US women.

[udolipixie]

Kind of like how guys belittle cheating by claiming it's just physical? Genders think differently.

[Asker]

@udolipixie, don't try to change the subject. :-) If you want to talk about cheating, start your own discussion for it. This is the place to talk about when women use sex as a weapon. But you are right, the genders do think different.

[udolipixie]

Not changing the subject showing an example to enforce how the genders think differently.

[KarKingJack]

I disagree on the grounds that its a personal thing. A girl could cut your d*** off and murder your family and still be madly in love with you. So its not that she doesn't love you, just that she's the kind of person who, as you say, uses sex as a weapon. But its certainly a very unhip thing to do, very very unhip.

I think the only people who do that are people who watch too many American Sitcoms, to be honest. And I've never met anyone who would do that, either, actually. So it could be another one of those 'Only in movies and america' things, ahaha.

[Belgie]

I think you have a f***ed up view of love, if you think a woman could do that and still love a guy. Bullsh*t. She might*say* she still loves the guy, but that's not love. Killing your family, is a pretty definite sign that someone doesn't love you. Is obsessed by you? Maybe. Loves you? F***right off.

[Asker]

Well... your point is interesting. I would argue that if some one cuts off your d*** it is not love, it is at best a sick twisted obsession.

[KarKingJack]

Haha, you think? I disagree. She'd have to be extremely mentally ill but I'm sure someone could do that in love

[KarKingJack]

Anyway your getting away from the point, that was just an extreme example. Hyperbole, right? What I meant was someone can be totally evil towards you and still love you, it happens a lot

[Belgie]

That's not love. Not by any sane definition anyway.

[KarKingJack]

I dunno, man. I think the most cruel, people only capable of interacting through cruelty, can love as much as you or I could. It transgresses morality and sanity. And who am I, to say their love is less than that? I wouldn't declassify dark, insane or malevolent love.

[Asker]

@KarKingJack Actually I think tis does still apply. I think we might have just learned something about you. (lol maybe not) Anyways. I would not want to be with a girl who would try to cut off my d***. I also do not tolerate it when she treats me badly in other smaller ways. It is about her appreciating me.

[KarKingJack]

Hahaha, well. And yeah, well, no, I wouldn't want to be with her. Just because a girl like that would love me doesn't mean I'd happily keep her around, love doesn't justify, I just mean unjust actions don't mean she's without love

[Blobb]

Is manipulation, manipulation sucks balls, hence the relationship will suck balls, hence grounds for breakup so that you can both find someone who really want to be with you for you.

This is in the case of witholding sex to get what she wants. If she genuinely does not feel like having sex because of a fight or whatnot that's a different story...

[taster]

I agree with Minxxe that when we are emotionally disconnected with someone we do not want to be close enuf for sex...when I am mad at someone I don't want to even look at them. That said, females do use that "no sex" thingummy a little too freely sometimes...and they want to be careful about that...because...the statement you are sending to your mate is that that is the most important thing you have to offer...I don't believe that that is usually true...but IF that is true...why then, you can be easliy be replaced...

[dwiller943]

Well if a respectful girl refuses to give herself up easily to a guy that she has yet to slowly develop a long-tern deep and serious relationship with just to make sure he doesn't leave the instant he gets sex from her, then no, it has NOTHING to do with whether or not she "loves" or "cares" about him. And some of us are the type of woman that deserve for a man to do something for us in order to give up our bodies to them sexually.

[Anonymous]

The important question is so what. Yes she doesn't love you. You're barely a human so who cares. Men should be denied sex to get what you want. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Women tend to think pussy runs the male species, and some weak guys believe that, but then you have guys like me who don't like being played around with and can go without sex. If a woman does that crap to me I'll tell em straight up hey I love sex but not enough to be somebody's bitch. Deuces. Sex as a weapon is the easiest way of running off a real man. Im a genuinely great guy but when I feel like I'm being used or taken advantage of because I'm nice, and actually care, you just ended a potentially great relationship