Are threesomes cheating and do they ruin relationships?

I heard a question on the radio the other morning and I wanted to get your opinions... Married couple after 10 years, husband suggests threesome. Do you consider that cheating and do you believe is is almost a guarantee that they will end in divorce? Just curious?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't consider it cheating, because cheating is something you hide by its very nature. It's something you do behind someone's back. A threesome is something that both of you would have to agree on before you did it, so that's not cheating.

    That doesn't mean that it won't cause problems, because it usually does when it's brought into a committed relationship where feelings are involved. IMO, threesomes are fine for one-night-stands or non-serious "FWB" type relationships, but committed, emotional relationships rarely survive them.

    What usually happens is that one of the people in the couple start to get jealous or feel left out or "replaced". And believe it or not, it isn't always the woman! I've talked to a number of guys on this website and a few others who set up a threesome with their reluctant girlfriend/wife, only to find the wife/GF got really into it, and kind of "forgot" about the guy for a while, and even though it was his idea and his fantasy, he got hurt and angry about it.

    It's better to get this kind of thing out of your system before you get married, because most couples already have problems communicating openly and honestly to begin with, and then adding something like this is too much for the relationship to bear. There ARE couples strong enough to survive it, but they will be the ones where open and honest communication have long been part of that relationship, and both people are accepting of the others' wants and desires.

  • I've been in a 3some 5 times, though in all occasions I was the 3rd person and 3 of it were with a married couple.

    1st one they were quite seasoned with this as it was more of an older guy who got off seeing a young guy do his wife. They are still married.

    2nd, this one was a couple who were both 38 and married for 18 years, the wife only had been with her husband and suddenly they decided it was time for her to try a different guy, She enjoyed it but the husband got jealous when he asked her who she enjoyed more, they divorced within 4 months of it happening.

    3rd, this one was more of a cuckold type thing, she wanted me to do her while her husband watched, it somewhat involved some belittling where the wife told the husband how she preferred me over him. They are still married despite it being over 5 years since that happened.

    I don't consider it as cheating but if it is done for the wrong reasons and without a strong element of trust it is bound to bring forth a nasty divorce.

    • Excellent outlook thanks.

Most Helpful Girls

  • if both people agree to it in the relationship, then how can it be cheating? that doesn't make any sense. cheating is breaking the rules, by definition. every relationship has different rules and what both will allow. some relationships are more than two people - polyamory, open relationships, etc. there's no one set of rules that applies to every relationship - you both decide what they are like mature adults.

    i don't think a threesome in itself will ruin the relationship. I don't think any singular sex act can ruin anything, but it can amplify problems that were already there to begin with. but if you both have the ideal mentalities and outlooks on your relationship, on sex, and on the emotional connection you have, and where you want to be in life, then you'll be fine.

    no I don't believe threesomes will guarantee a divorce. even if it did, have you seen the divorce rates lately? a lot of things lead to divorce. I don't think a threesome is one of those major things. it may be catalyst to complicating an already doomed relationship, but its not going to create new problems if you both talk about how you feel about this, what you're expecting from it, etc. communication is really important in anything in a relationship.

    • *its not going to create new problems out of the blue where everything was actually completely in sync. there are a lot of really sex positive, outgoing couples who have threesomes. you really have to exceptionally trusting of your partner and be on the same page. and analyze yourself so you will be prepared and anticipate how you will feel after. if you're both very sex positive and outgoing and you also love each other and want to go on that journey together, then I think you'll be fine.

  • I don't believe it's cheating if both people agree to it and genuinely want to do it. More often though, the threesome is suggested by the man, and the only option is to add in another woman. Some girls are cool with this, I would personally feel very insulted and think he just wanted to get some with a new girl. So for me, even if my man pushed for one it would ruin our relationship. But then again, I'm not into threesomes. Some people are and see it as an addition to their marriage. I think it depends, but things are bound to get messy when you start adding other people in to a monogamous relationship. Does it then make it easier for either one to hook up with the "third" on their own? Who knows.

    • A couple I knew and really liked very much...graduated from the Police Academy with Him... ended in her suicide...we don't know the exact reason, but can pretty much understand why

    • huh?

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 6
  • It depends on what an individual considers "cheating". To me, cheating is doing something that is reserved for a romantic partner with someone who is not your partner and without their approval. So, by this definition, asking for a threesome would not be considered cheating.

  • I didn't like him ejaculating in my wife...but that was just on the first ocassion. Eventually it caused jealousy, resentment...and the fear of splitting our marriage

    It did.

    • Sorry to hear that Bruce. The jealousy and resentment you had caused the split? You feared she would go back to him? Were you both agreeing to the threesome? If you don't want to answer that is fine, totally understood. I am just trying to understand what people think about it is all.

    • We both agreed to it. The problem arose when I felt that she was more interested in him and also began to get more involved in his personal life...wife, kids, etc and he in hers/ours. I think I began to resent the fact of watching her orgasm, while he was F*&^%$# her. Sounds gross, I know, but seeing his semen in her caused me some resentment...plus the fact that they got "closer" than I felt comfortable with. Crazy, I know

  • It isn't cheating if you aren't being lied to. No one is doing something behind your back.

    There are no guarantees in life.

    How suggestions should automatically lead to divorce I do not understand. But I know the fastest way to get there: assumptions.

  • It is not cheating if his spouse wants to do it...but I do think that there is a real danger of ruining relationships...o.O

    • agreed

    • <3

  • I would consider it cheating because either your partner could know about or not and they’d still consider it cheating

  • Not cheating but it feels like it, even if both agree to it or don't talk much about rules beforehand (but this was not planned). Had one for the first time with my husband of 13 years recently. He has never experienced one before, and my female friend was coming on to me very strong. I gave in to it, but saw a level of excitement and arousal from my husband that I had never seen before. He did not put "it" in her, but did other things. Along with things he said about her vagina, made me feel very insecure. It literally broke me. Ruined my friendship with her. He is the most remorseful person rn and has literally been the perfect husband bc it hurt me so much, it's crazy.

  • No not if the people wanted it

  • Assuming the husband and wife (boyfriend and girlfriend) are both involved in the threesome, it wouldn't be cheating. To me, it would be offensive to bring up and I would not be into it, so there's that.

    Threesomes sometimes end relationships or cause problems for them, but some couples can handle it and everything will be fine. It really depends on them.

  • I think the answer is different for everyone, but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone after a threesome. To me sex is very personal and something I only do with someone I love. I assume that I would feel like something were broken in our relationship if a third person became involved.

  • To me it would be cheating, and if he even asked it would most likely end our relationship.