Boyfriend not interested in sex?!?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We only see each other on the weekend since we live in separate cities and I go to school and he works during the week. He rarely initiates having sex anymore. I'm finding that most of the time when I initiate it he turns me away saying that he's not in the mood because he is stressed or too tired. I try to get him going but nothing seems to work anymore. Sometimes he says he's horny but just doesn't do anything about it...We probably have sex three times a month. I'm not a conceded person and I don't want to come off as though I am, but I have been told that I am a very attractive person from different guys. I don't understand why he is never really in the mood to have sex, or why he never initiates it. Every other aspect of our relationship is amazing which is why I don't want to end it over sex. Does anyone have any advice to how I can talk to him about this once again? or how to deal with this?

[MrOracle]

Okay, let me straighten you out here.

This is NOT NOT NOT about YOU, or how attracted he is about you, or how he feels about you. The problem is HIM. And he's TELLING you what's wrong, but you aren't listening to him, or aren't accepting what he's telling you.

He is TIRED AND STRESSED! When people are tired and/or stressed, they have no energy left to be sexual, even if they'd like to be. I'm as big a horndog as you're likely to find, but when I'm really tired, or really stressed out, I'm useless for sex. And it's because of ME, not because of the girl that I'm with. The only way to "fix" it is for me to get rest, or to resolve whatever it is that is stressing me out so that I can relax. Once that happens, everything is back to normal.

And no about of my girl sexing me up, or trying new things, or any of that, is going to make a difference, because my sex responses are "switched off." So, if you want to help him, figure out how to help him resolve being tired and stressed. Not wanting sex is a SYMPTOM, which will go away automatically if you fix the ROOT CAUSE, which is the stress and exhaustion.

[coolbeans01]

It's probably not your fault. I know its cliche but its not you its him. Just try talking to him about it. Say something like "you seem to want sex less lately..." or something along those lines.

It may be that he really wants to but is just so tired he is afraid he can't perform as well and doesn't want the sex to be bad. He may rather want to have sex less frequently to avoid having bad sex.

Just talk to him about it.

[uber069]

he has another girl in the other city

[makip]

He's cheating on you hun

[lv4lv]

Believe it or not - Sex isn't everything to some guys. Shocking, I know.

[Anonymous]

He's bored. Try some new things in bed.

[Opinion Owner]

Ask him what some of his favorite fantasies are and his most secret sexual fantasies and see if you can make any come true. If you do that you can't judge him negatively or make fun him for anything he says though. If you think it's too weird, gross, or funny for you to do then just say you're sorry you can't see yourself doing that and move on to the next fantasy.