Boyfriend loses erection during sex. Is it my fault?

Lately when my boyfriend and I have sex, he loses his erection during it. I try switching positions, touching him, anything I can but sometimes it's no use. He sometimes even loses his erection during oral, which is very frustrating. It makes me feel horrible, and makes me feel less confident. I feel as though he isn't attracted to me, or I don't excite him anymore. I mainly feel like maybe I just suck in bed, considering my boyfriend can't keep it up during intercourse. Sometimes I feel like I don't even want to have sex because of it. Am I the problem? What is going on here? Should I talk to him about it?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's definitely nothing to do with you.

    The problem is with him, but it could be one of several reasons:

    - He's taking medication that has this as a side-effect. Many meds do.

    - He's stressed and can't relax. Financial problems, family problems, something.

    - He's got a physical problem. Certain medical issues can have this as a symptom.

    - It's a mental issue. Some guys can develop a mental block that prevents them from performing. The trigger can be almost anything, but for some reason, it's tied to sex for him.

    In none of those cases does this have anything to do with you, nor is it a reflection on his attraction to you or your skills. If *he* was functioning normally, even if you were lousy (and I'm not in any way suggesting that's the case), his equipment would still work.

    You should definitely talk to him about it. It might help him to figure out what the root cause is (he may not even realize), and figure out ways to resolve the issue together. Even knowing he has your support can help.

    But don't take this personally, because it isn't you.

  • This happens to everybody sometimes. The best thing you can do is reassure him that it is OK, that it doesn't bother you, and what is really important is that you both are together. Sometimes you will be surprised that just getting him to relax that way will bring him back to life!

Most Helpful Girls

  • No it's not your fault. Maybe he is nervous, or tired, it could be any number of reasons. I'm sure he doesn't want that to keep happening so try to be patient with him. be supportive and make sure he knows you still love him and don't think any differently of him for this. But if it keeps happening, maybe he should see a doctor, it could be a medical condition (E.D etc.)

  • I used to have same problem with my ex.

    1.) When the subject of "sex" comes up how does he act?

    2.) do you ask him if he wants to have sex or does he ask you? (or does one ask more than the other)

    3.) Does he take medication for anything? (try looking up side effects if so)

    4.) When you address it what is his response?

  • The fact that you're feeling terrbile about yourself is making the problem worse. he knows you're not happy and that gives him more pressure and pressure can lead to losing an erection. I would just give sex a break and focus on other parts of your relationship. the sex part will work itself out.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 5
  • Its not you.

    Its him. It could be physical, could be stress.

    I'd talk to him and ask him what you can do if anything, ask him if he's gotten checked medically (it can be a sign of serious medical issues).

    In the meantime, have him give you oral, go ahead and give him oral. Don't worry about erection or orgasm, just ask him if it _feels good_. If it feels good, its good, the end.

    Good luck to both of you.

  • it's probably psychological... he might have performance anxiety.

  • You are NOT the problem I can almost guarantee that (just ask him if it's really bothering you). Sometimes it just happens for no reason what's so ever, we don't even know why. Just the body decides on it's own lol. It's like, wtf? When it does happen, don't draw attention to it or make it a big deal, just carry on, make out, him give you oral etc... it'll come back before long not to worry. :)

  • It's nobody's fault and he already knows that his penis isn't working right. Be patient and things will come around.

  • It's not your fault, but it's not his, either. A guy really can't control his penis. Don't act frustrated or to anxious to find a solution. I can guarantee you that he's much, much more upset/frustrated/worried about it than you are. Like Shaun said, he already knows it's not working. If you're going to approach the situation, do it tactfully and don't act like it's something urgent that needs to be fixed.

  • How old is he and how long have you been going out? Is he under a lot of stress lately? And what kind of shape is he in overall?