Boyfriend refuses to touch my p****?

[Anonymous]

He won't touch it. And he gets annoyed when I try to talk to him about it. All he'll tell me is that he's bad at fingering/giving oral so he refuses to try. He's never touched me, and it makes me feel bad. I keep it clean. I keep it shaved. Sure, it's not what I'd describe as a "pretty", but it isn't hideously disgusting, either. I don't understand. What should I do?

[Red_Arrow]

If I understand what you have said - He refuses to perform any foreplay on you, manual or oral. You have been having sex for a while now. Men do not need foreplay, they can just start screwing and go till they cum. Women generally need foreplay to get things going, and to provide lubrication. So apparently the two of you have sex without ANY foreplay, or you have sex after you perform foreplay on him without any in return. He will come quicker than you, so you must be getting "left in the dust".

If he REALLY is bad at foreplay, it would possibly still be better than none at all. Yet he won't do it. And I doubt his statement is true, anyway, although if forced to prove it he would intentionally make it bad.

So you have a "boyfriend" that is getting sexual satisfaction from you without giving it in return. Not a normal or healthy relationship. HE IS USING YOU! Leave him and find someone who cares for you.

Now, about how you characterize your vulva: you keep it clean and you keep it shaved. Should be pretty nice (unless the guy is one who really prefers hairy). But you say it is not what you would describe as "pretty". Many women have seen some pictures which lead them to believe there is a "correct" look. From what is often published in p*rn and the like, that "ideal" is usually what is called an "innie". Since you think your vulva is not that hot, I am assuming you have and "outie". Actually, good for you. Many men prefer that. In fact, from what I have seen here, most men prefer at least a little sticking out. It is kind of like some of the sexy "good stuff" that is hidden on some women, is peeking out and able to get attention, which can be very arousing.

Regardless of whether that is your case, or something else bothers you, what you have causes a sexual response in straight males. It does what it is intended to do. Whether what you have is "exactly" what a guy wants or not, it is still good enough to make him very happy.

Find a guy who will treat you right!

[kheserthorpe]

Dump him.

Yeah, he's selfish. That alone is a bad sign - not just for sex, but in general. So you could punish him by withholding to try to make him do stuff, since he's not caring enough to do it himself.

But the second reason is ... why be with someone where you have to -make- them touch you. Most guys would be desperate to touch you, kiss you, lick you all over. No convincing, no begging, no 'talking to them about it'. They will be -excited- to.

You deserve that.

[kheserthorpe]

re: update. Couple options 1) Dump him. People will say that's awful. You know what? You can be his friend, but you do not HAVE to have a monogamous relationship with someone who has trauma. You don't owe anyone that. 2) tell him you are wiling to work with him. He can either start gradually getting comfortable with it, or get a therapist to coach him on it. You'll work with him to work through this slowly, but he has to be TRYING consistently. 3) if he won't try, leave

[Asker]

Knowing that it makes him so uncomfortable makes me not even want him to do it at all. I don't want him to do it, and feel miserable the whole time. But I don't want to break up with him, either.

[kheserthorpe]

Time will not fix this. He is missing out in a piece if life. He needs to slowly but steadily work through it. You can support him, but if he doesn't want to try, you should move on.

[NoOneListens21]

while he doing something like playing a game or just watching t.v. or whatever. I'd just be like WHAT THE F***!? really loud. and he'd be like what the f*** ? or what is it? and be like mi p****s angry! srry its kinda late and you say some things that you normally wouldn't say...well..okay..normally wouldn't say to someone who you don't know and you're trying to give em advice but this advice gets serious after...this...s...sss...okay. so point is you should tell him that if he's really not good how do you get better? you practice. At first I was going to say get a new boyfriend because this guy..yeah...no but he's your first so you're going to want to work it out. right? okay so no I don't think these next parts will help you...maybe it would get him angry...or lead to a break up...lets see...he's not inexperienced either?

f***. I'd be like why? You probably did it to your other ex gfs (might want to talk to them) how hard is it to play with the clit? yeah fingering sucks but you do it if she likes it. sounds like he's lazy in the bedroom. tsk-tsk. be like, so mi first time sucked so if I stay with you it's going to be just like that forever? well I don't know if it sucked but you are HIGHLY disappointed..is he getting you off? this is really long

-_-; I should stop. anyways I'd talk to him or get someone to do what he won't or get him a book and tell him to read it or maybe a video to instruct him. hope it helps.

[Jojoballoo]

He is being extremely rude and selfish. A boy like him doesn't deserve your time of day, you sound like you have given him time and have been very nice about the whole subject, but with him acting like this all the time I would break up with him if I was in your shoes.

[bel42]

You should stop touching and playing with his d***. Tell him the same thing he tells you. If he continues with the same crap, then you're definitely better off with someone who isn't afraid or disgusted to touch you.

[MrOracle]

Your boyfriend is defective. Take him back for an exchange/refund. You were sold shoddy goods.

[MrOracle]

Okay, so not only is he defective, but he's also selfish. That's BAD. And it's not your fault in any way; notice no one here is suggesting that you are the problem. I would dump this guy, because if he's selfish in bed, he's gonna be selfish in other ways too.

[CrystalHarley]

Lol

[TheUglyOne]

That is weird. I usually have to be led by my wife, but once she puts my hand on her p****, that's all the cue I need and start fingering and fondling away. Indeed, I learn to trust myself and take the initiative. I simply find it hard for a normal, straight guy to NOT want to touch a woman's vagina. Even if it's not the most aesthetic looking p****.

But, it's not the first time I heard a guy doing this.

[TheUglyOne]

in response to your update - he sounds like a selfish lover. Do what he does then, and if he complains, tell him you're taking his lead.

[TheUglyOne]

Well that is different and puts the matter in a whole new light. If so, he needs to deal with his past abuse.

[Asker]

Oh really? He needs to deal with it? Oooh OK, lol.

[Noodlenoodle]

Tell him to stop being a pansy.

[Red_Arrow]

"Actually he's completely against all forms of foreplay. Unless it involves me doing something to him."

"Apparently he's traumatized from past sexual abuse."

Something does not make sense here. Usually being abused means having something done to you (there are variations). But he not only does not mind you doing things to him, he apparently likes it. So how does him being abused cause him to not like ALL foreplay done by him for you, yet he likes you doing him? I suppose that there could be some real goofy, off the wall situation that could cause this, but highly unlikely.

The woman needs foreplay more than the man. If he is unwilling to do his part, you will have a very unsatisfactory sex life. He needs to do whatever to get over it. Specifically counseling. If he refuses, you would be wise to move on to someone who is willing to bring you the same pleasure that he expects from you.

[Asker]

It's not far "highly unlikely". It wouldn't have to be some "goofy, off the wall situation". There are tons of ways to sexually abuse a child. I know a couple of guys who were sexually abused by women as kids. Neither of them were touched, but made to touch their abusers. Maybe the same thing could've happened to him. Or maybe even something worse. He seems genuinely distressed. I believe him.

[Red_Arrow]

Though I know that there is a small chance that something might cause this situation, I still highly doubt it. In any case, my last paragraph stands by itself. You cannot enjoy a sex life with a man who refuses to do what is necessary for you. He needs to get counseling and get over it, or you will not be happy with him, as you have already made clear. Still wish you the best even after the down arrow.

[Asker]

: ) lol... thanks

[WoIIie]

Force him to watch another man treat you right.

[sweet_18]

best answer!

[papercut2]

Get a straight boyfriend is the first thing you should do

[G_GTom]

Bad at fingering? Tell him to use his finger with the same level of confidence when someone cuts him off in traffic.

[Scoliosis-Smith]

He sounds like a keeper... ugh... If he doesn't want to talk about it I highly doubt he'll change his mind and you shouldn't expect that he will change.

[Scoliosis-Smith]

@ update. You are correct to be disappointed. A lot of guys do not share this guy's ideas on foreplay. He sounds quite selfish and inconsiderate to me, it may be time to move on.

[rotinaj10]

Perhaps find another boyfriend. This is something that really shouldn't be an issue. Especially if you keep it shaved.

[rotinaj10]

To your update... This is exactly why I don't believe in waiting till marriage to have sex. Why would you want to be married to someone you're not sexually compatible with? Please tell me you aren't giving this guy blow jobs?

[Asker]

Not anymore, I'm not.

[rotinaj10]

Good for you. Now tell him to stop being a bitch and get work on uit vagina.

[sweet_18]

He's a bad boyfriend. Get rid of his ass

[espo77]

i say dump him. when I'm with a girl I do everything to her cause she's my girl. She tell me she is in to some crazy stuff and id try it cause it what she enjoys. If he is not willing to even try he is just plain lazy and only cares about himself. Plus you're fully shaved so there's no excuse, my girl only trims and not only do I do it, but it drives me wild

[91tyler]

that does seem really weird. I mean not everyone is into oral, but every freakin guy in the the word should want to put their finger(s) up your pu$$y... I mean that's pretty damn normal if you ask me. its not like that's super dangerous or bad ass. have you ever just tried asking him why, just flat out.

[Asker]

Yes, I have asked him what his deal is flat out. He won't talk about it with me. All he says is that he's bad at it, and he shuts down every time I try to talk about it with him. He just says that he doesn't want to.

[91tyler]

if you really want to get him good say something like. well I have sexual needs and it is your job to attend to them properly. Do you want to pleasure me? (yes) then lets work on this together.

[Anonymous]

put a guilt trip on him and simultaneously test him. tell him that his unwillingness to touch you and engage in foreplay doesn't make you feel desirable and that you feel like you're only there to give him pleasure while you don't get much in return. and that it makes you wonder if there's something wrong with you during sex and doesn't allow you to enjoy it.

The test is if he doesn't change his ways and isn't sensitive to your needs, then he's probably just with you for sex not because he cares about you and how you feel. In which case it's time to get a new bf.

[Anonymous]

So okay. "I'm bad at it" is either an excuse or truly what he believes about himself. If it's an excuse, I don't know what his problem is.

But if he thinks he's bad at it, maybe because of a bad experience or complete INexperience, you need to give him a way to be more confident that he'll know what he's doing. If he's inexperienced, the concept of him going in there with no instruction is probably scary, haha. Ask him if he'd like to watch you masturbate. Doing that can help him see what he's supposed to do.

If that fails, I don't even know but I can imagine how frustrating it is...

[Opinion Owner]

@update: Yeah he's just a d*** then...

[Anonymous]

That's too bad. Going down on my girlfriend is my favorite thing to do.

[Anonymous]

refused to touch his d*ck until he touches your coochie or just don't give him any until he'll touch it.

[Jojoballoo]

Amen