Boyfriend wants me to do things with other guys while he watches?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We have a baby together and I love him very much. BUT, For the last year or so, he has made comments to me about wanting to watch me do things with other men while he watches. The other night we both had too much to drink and I woke up with a random guy in my bed trying to touch me. Apparently, my boyfriend had placed an ad on craigs list and this random guy came over. I freaked out and haven't been able to stop thinking about this since. My boyfriend said I agreed to this, but I don't remember because I had too much to drink. I know this is a fantasy of his, but I don't get why he can't leave it as a fantasy and stop expecting me to actually do this. I'm not sure what to do from here. It is complicated with our daugther and we live together. Any advise?
Updates:
+1 y
I wanted to make it clear that our daughter was not at home for any of this. I don't need parenting advise as my daughter is always my number one priority. I was looking for advise on how to deal with his fantasies.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Honey it sounds like he's either homosexual or bisexual if he wants to see you with another man. He probably isn't watching you...but he's watching the guy. And for him to have a strange guy in your house touching on you when you woke up is ridiculous. I say take you little girl and move out. Go somewhere else because if he respected you he wouldn't put craigslist ads up making you seem like a common hooker. No offense but if you do stay you are crazy. It's a dangerous game and with all these diseases running around you could easily catch one. Not only that but you have a daughter to think about. If some strange guy wakes up in your bed and you don't know how he got there, who is to say while you were knocked out he didn't go and molest her?Absolutely not. Leave that guy. He's a nut!

  • i had an ex boyfriend who had a fantasy of me giving another guy head while he f*cked me from behind. I told him that that would never ever happen for a few reaons. 1- our sex life would NEVER be the same...he wouldn't be as turned on with just me and him and would always need something kinky like that. and 2- I'm not a pornstar. I wanted to be with him and only him. let him no that you're not going to hook up with some random guy and you can explore other things but not going THAT far. ask him about other things he's wanted to try before and see if you can fulfill any of that. also, maybe (if you're not against it) you could watch a porn next time you're getting it on. one that he picks. that is if you're comfortable to do that. just be honest and firm with him.

  • Omg you're kidding, wtf is wrong with him? He took advantage of you.He had no business dong that while you were drunk. I couldn't imagne waking up with a strange man next to me in my bed trying to touch me. And for the guy in you bed also, wtf was wrong with him?getting into your bed while your passed out. What kind of man would do that?

Most Helpful Guys

  • First step when dealing with personnal or partner's fantasies is reallllllll simple and logical : talk about it! Ask questions, express your concers, your desires, your fears.
    Second step : set some clear boundaries! If you're not into having another guy, then say it clearly! If you would like to have a word to say when choosing a guy, let your boyfriend know!
    Third step : Go through many fantasies / fetichism, and see which you both have, and start with them!

    If those three steps are not possible for you, then forget about all those kinky stuff!
    All you might endup with, is a broken relationship :/

    If you would like to talk more about it, feel free to message me (I have various experiences in the fantasies department) ;)

  • What he has done is wrong to expose you to this type of situation.

    It is time for you to evaluate if he brings anything to the relationship of tangible value and consider severing your ties. With this act he has crossed the line of trust with you in placing his sexual desires ahead of you in the relationship.

    This type of trust breach in a relationship is very difficult to forgive and overcome. The difficulty is not worth the effort if what he brings to the relationship is not worth fighting to save.

    As for him trying to convience you to involve yourself with another man for his sexual pleasure. Explain to him it is wrong and nothing good can come from it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You might put the child up for adoption. That would probably be best for her. Her mother drinks so heavily that she can't remember things she has done. Her father invites strange men into the house to attack his unconscious girl friend. Who is the responsible party watching out for this girl while you an boyfriend are involved in this drunken debauchery?

    The welfare of this child should be your first concern and you are obviously irresponsible. Get her out of that environment as quickly as possible.

    • Our daughter obviously wasn't home...i don't drink much or go out much which is why I was in that state...thanks for taking the time to post such an ignorant comment...and for thinking you are so perfect that you have the right to judge a complete stranger...

    • You may be stranger, but you are nowhere near complete.:)

    • You really are clever...did you spend a lot of time coming up with that one???

  • I'll admit to having a fantasy like this every now and then, but I would NEVER act on it. It is probably a hard one to define but I would guess it has something to do with seeing how you react to another person, and what kind of pleasure you get from it. I HIGHLY doubt it has anything to do with him being gay.

    • It's good 2 hear as I am not sure what is going on. I appreciate your honesty. Can you tell me more about what this sort of fantasy actually means 2 u? Even though you said you would never act on this, what is the point? I would think if you really loved someone, you would want them only for yourself...what are the reasons you would want 2 share your girlfriend with s/o else? Cause at this point all he made me feeI like was an escort...I appreciate your comment.

    • I think to a degree, its kinda like a more cautious version of voyeurism mixed with the "thrill" ( I guess you could call it that) of seeing something that you do with her from a different perspective. I hope that's a little more descriptive.

  • Maybe he wants to join you and another dude...Maybe he is a little gay:-)

    • Does it mean he is gay because he wants me to do this? If it's just an excuse for him to be able to touch the guy, I don't think I could handle that. I have no problem with people's sexuality, but I don't think I could ever get that image out of my head.

  • Honestly I would break it off because that is plain wrong and especially if you did not want to ,or were unaware..

  • Wow, that is really creepy. I would sit down and a serious talk with him about it.