Do a man respect WOMEN when there is no easy SEX?

Does a man respect you more when you don't give a up the goods? EXAMPLE Even if he finds out you are virgin and not interested after he finds out because he knows he can't get any sex, Does he still respect you more? Why or Why not?
Updates:
+1 y
I was scared of getting pregnant and he may dumped me when we finally had sex.
+1 y
Sorry, but he dumped me. But he gets upset about other guys I maybe seeing or gets mad when I don't answer his questions. But he dumped me. I haven't spoken to him in months.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • What an ambiguously and vaguely phrased question.

    Q: Do I (lose) respect for a girl who puts out on the first date?

    A: Generally, yes. Absent some extreme or unusual circumstances where there's this sweeping powerful connection between the two of us (on the first date), I lose respect for a girl if anything involving our genetalia happens on the first date.

    Q: Do I (lose) respect for a girl who puts out on the second date?

    A: No. <-- Did you notice the PERIOD?

    Q: Do I (gain) respect for a girl who "isn't easy, is difficult, doesn't have sex?"

    A: No. I gain respect for people who DO things, not for people who DON'T do things. Do you gain respect for guys who DON'T ask you out, pay for a date, make a move? Well, if you do, I guess we just have different standards when it comes to how easily we gain respect for people.

    Q: Do I start to (lose) respect for a girl who I'm dating and doesn't have sex?

    A: Yes. We're not buying a house, planning on moving to a different country, or deciding between med school or law school. We're dating someone; we either like him or we don't, and it really doesn't take that long to know.

    Let's phrase it differently so hopefully you can understand. If a guy is IN A RELATIONSHIP with you for 17 years, are you content? Are you in a relationship, having sex with this man for 17 years, because you have nothing better to do? What if one day, he told you that it's not working out? How would you feel wasting 17 years of your life with him? Now, the better question is, to prevent that from ever being the case, how long would you be in a relationship with a man who has yet to ask you to marry him, until you end the relationship? 20 years? 15 years? 10 years? This isn't sex we're talking about; it's marriage!

    Well, when a guy is DATING a girl, he pays for it. It's not because he has nothing better to spend his money on; it's because he wants to get to know her. Now, after he DOES get to know her, and determines that he likes her and wants to have sex with him, but she's not ready yet; it's still on his money. This wouldn't be an issue if the girl turned around and told the guy, "hey, I know you're ready, but I'm not yet, so until I am, let me pay; I don't want you to feel like I'm wasting your time or money." But since that never happens, the question that guys ask is; "how long do I keep dating this girl, without having sex with her, until it's time to leave?" 3 months? 2 months? 1 month? 2 weeks?

    The same way that it's DISRESPECTFUL for a guy to be in a relationship with a girl for so long if he's not planning on ever marrying her, is the same way it's DISRESPECTFUL for a girl to be dating a guy she never plans on having sex with. Guys and girls don't WAIT to find out! They LEAVE & PROTECT themselves BEFORE they have to find out & waste their time!

    So after a point, a guy's interest and respect towards the girl goes down.

    • You went off diff tangents but whatever. I think a guy today doesn't want to pay for a date today whether or not if he is having sex with her or not. Anyways, I think a guy should pay for a date for a girl that is loving, caring, and loyal. Same thing are you gonna pay for a date that girl is cheating on you all the time and does care about you? But she is having sex with you so it make it okay.

    • "In life, we need to have our ears ready, willing and able to listen to the answers; especially to those questions which we ourselves have posed." - Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black

    • "all our struggles in relationships, stem from caring so much about what's important to us, that we ignore what's important to our partner; even when they're telling us." - Dr. Phil he actually gave you an answer to everything you could possibly want to know; whether you want to listen to it is an other story; why ask for what guys think, if you're not going to listen to them anyway?

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  • Difficult question. I think women have a lot of very misguided ideas about the relationship between "respect" and "giving up the goods."

    Here's the way I see it. Sometimes (many times) a guy is just horny and wants to get laid, so this guy will lie to a girl and say all sorts of nice things to her in order to have sex with her. Then once he has gotten laid he is satisfied and un-cermoniously dumps the girl. In this situation it APPEARS that the guy "lost respect for her because she slept with him." However this guy NEVER respected her to begin with, he was just lying because he was a loser and he thought she would not have sex with him if he told her the truth. I consider such men pathetic.

    Other times the exact opposite situation occurs. I guy genuinely does like a girl and wants some kind of relationship, but she is afraid if she has sex with him he will lose respect for her (probably cause she just got lied to by the first guy) so the girl is stand offish, the guy eventually gets angry and feels betrayed, and he loses interest, and respect for her, because he feels like she is playing games with him.

    Finally there is a third (best) option, in which a guy and girl are bothe horny, they both want sex. So they communicate that they will have and enjoy sex, with out needing it to lead into some kind of long term relationship, and they will just enjoy each other and not obsess over what it "means." This is (hopefully) getting more and more common.

    So getting back to your situation. There is no one answer. I don't think he is likely to respect you more because you don't want to have sex. if anything, he is probably a little insulted that you don't think he is good enough to be your first. At this point he might

    1.just lose interest,

    2, he might decided to be friends with you and have sex with other girls, or

    3. He might decide to hang around you and try to convince you to have sex with him or

    4. He might pretend he just wants to be your friend and spend months or even years hanging around you, just wishing you'd have sex with him, but never actually make a move. let us hope this does not happen, but it is VERY common.

    ...It all depends on what kind of guy he is.

    Anyways, here is just a quick word of advice. Do not withhold sex from guys because you think it will them respect you. In the long run, it never works. Sure maybe you can get a guy to jump through your hoops for a while by dangling the prize in front of him, but it will not be a healthy relationship, and eventually it will fall apart whether you have sex or not.

    A guy either respects you or he doesn't. When you have sex with him won't change that.

    • You said this. he just wants to be your friend and spend months or even years hanging around you, just wishing you'd have sex with him, but never actually make a move. let us hope this does not happen, but it is VERY common. My ex I dated for over a year dumped me because of sex but never admitted when I asked him. He did do a lot for me, I did the same. But since its over. I feel like he never cared about and just wanted sex because he doesn't show he at least cared for me. What do you think?

    • In the end he just said I am not what he wants... I asked was the sex the reason...He never answered. He just said our relationship was unhealthy. I wanted to have sex with him but I was scared. I loved him...its too late....I am hurting.

    • Wait, are you saying you "dated" a guy for over a year and you never had sex? If so, the guy would be CRAZY to stay with you. A year is way too long. It is perfectly natural for a guy (and a girl) to want and enjoy sex. Just because a guys wants to have sex with you does not mean he ONLY wants sex, he might genuinely care for you as a person and want a serious relationship, he merely wants sex as well. That's normal. Sex is a healthy part of a relationship.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I love the whole sex and paying for dates analogy that someone here raised.

    How would you feel about a guy who had "issues" about paying for dates? His reasons and justifications are infinite and very logical. How would you feel, going out with a guy, but having to pay for everything yourself?

    Better question, do you think he enjoys it? Do you think he loves the idea of going to work 9-5 and spending that money on you? That's money he's never going to see back. That's money that's actually lost; forever. The time he traded to get that money has been wasted. By him spending money on you, he's literally lost a part of himself (a quantifiable part of himself).

    But he quits b*tching about it and does it anyway; do you know why? Because it's important to girls. And no matter how important to him not paying for dates might be, because it's more important to girls that he does pay, unless he pays, he's going to be single.

    Same goes for sex.

    As important as you think these ideas about virginity are, which they're not, guys value sex. And because it's important to guys, girls who have issues with it are going to be single.

    (Single, as in effectively single, even if not technically single. A guy who is dating a 60 year-old woman who doesn't mind that he's not paying for dates would be an idiot if he says "aha! see, I'm not paying for dates and I'm not single!" Likewise, a girl who is dating a guy that not too many other girls would want to be with would be an idiot if she says "aha! see, I'm not having sex, I'm a virgin, but I'm not single!")

    Guys have respect for themselves too; and that's something you're going to have to accept and learn to deal with. There are other people outside this universe you live in which is yourself. And other people have respect for themselves too. So you can't just be a "taker" in life, and demand that everyone else around you be a "giver."

    If you have issues with sex, that's fine. Life is a hard teacher, but a very effective one. One day, you'll quit complaining about all the guys you want to be with, but how they won't be with you because you have issues with sex. You'll start to realize that they're not the bad guy, that maybe it's just you; and your issues with sex that were the problem.

    Is a guy a horrible person for not wanting to date a girl with bi-polar or schizophrenia? Is he a bad person for not wanting to date a girl who doesn't like having sex? Is he a bad person for not wanting to date a girl who doesn't have sex? Is he a bad person for wanting to have sex?

    So sooner or later, life is going to teach you that the guys you're vilifying in order to delay admitting and coping with your issues, were not bad people or at fault all along; you have the issue here, not them.

    Same thing I told my little brother so he would stop feeling "used" when he payed for a date.

    • You have the issue...I see you like to let anyone between your legs. Get a life hooker.

    • Get a boyfriend you miserable prude. Stop calling every girl who has sex a hooker, just because she's not still living in Disney World like you.

    • I like the answerer's comment

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  • I don't really think a man would respect a woman more if you don't "give a up the goods." But he would see that your not going to give yourself to any guy and that if it'll be that hard to get with you himself then he'll know that you won't be flaunting yourself around other men when while in a relationship with him. And that he would respect you for.

    If the man doesn't respect your decision not to have sex early in a relationship then the guy is not worth the time. If a guy finds out your a virgin and loses interest it's probably because he knows he can't get in your pants right away, and isn't willing to wait around that long to have sex with you. His lost if he would rather an easy promiscuous girl instead, because that will only burn him in the ass later.

    But yes it is reasonable if a guy loses interest later in the relationship if you make them wait for an extremely long amount of time. No guy wants to wait forever if they think the chance will never come. You can't be mad at them for that.

    • You kind of have a point

  • Oh well, his lost hun! Forget about the jerk. You'll eventually find someone who loves you for everything you are no matter if your a virgin or not. And will respect you for it. Might take awhile to weed through all the losers, but there are still some nice, kind, and respectful guys out there :)

    • Thanks! I hope so...I have been on bad streak with guys lately.

    • There are :). Trust me I have too haha. Just got to get up and move on. And when a good guy comes along it will just make it that much more worth it :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I don't think your boyfriend would mind if he knew you were a virgin.if he truly loves you then yes, he will respect you and your values. If not then you would know that he is just using you and that he only wanted to have a good time.

  • Me, more. Because I don't find "free prostitutes" attractive.

  • If sex is not his primary need from you then he would definitely respect you for that.

    Men don't usually respect those girls who ruch quickly for sex.

    Also men hate those who gives in the begining and withhold after some times. The sees this as some manipulative tactics or they feel that you are chating on them.

    • I agree with the second part, withhold sex is manipulation. I disagree with the first part.

  • Uhm... I don't really respect people more or less just because they haven't had sex, or because I can't get easy sex from someone. Everyone is different - some people have no problem giving it up easy, while others prefer to put up a fight.

    What it all comes down to is mentality. It doesn't matter if you give up the goods or not, so long as you have a REASON to do it. If a girl likes to have sex and does it on the first date, I'm not gonna lose respect for her. WTF? It's her choice - so why should I give her a hard time for doing something she chose to do? Just because she slept with me too soon doesn't mean I should put her below other girls who wait months before having sex. It's just sex!

    Other girls like to hold on on the sex. Again, it's their choice. But that doesn't mean I respect them more for doing it. I'm a virgin myself, but I don't consider myself any more special than the plenty of guys who have already have sex before.

    A girl who puts out too easy, vs. a girl who doesn't put out at all, to me isn't that much different. What's more important is the reasons why they chose to be that way, and that's all I'm interested.

    • In a way I agree with you, but then I dont. Yeah its there choice but because they want to do it doesn't mean its right. And its not just sex, Having sex within a relationship not marraige can cause complications. Let say you fell for this girl really hard and you love her, yeah its your choice but you need to think does she feel the same way about me. If yall did it and she doesn't then you WILL be hurt. Same thing goes for girls. So sex isn't just something to do,

    • If I just met the girl, then there's no way I fell for her yet. Thus if I DO end up sleeping with her on the first night, it will be just that - sex. Nothing more. Now, if I really DO like her, and we end up going on a date, there is no way I would be sleeping with her. What I meant was that just because she sleeps with me on the first date, doesn't mean I'll immediately lose respect for her and not want to pursue a relationship anymore.

  • Depends on the guy. Your garden variety horn-dog will not respect you. A guy who's on the same page as you (not giving it away to every person who asks), will definitely respect you, or possibly be looking for girls specifically like you. It depends what kind of guy you're looking for.

  • There are guys out there who love when a woman is a virgin but they are the ones who usually want you to lose it to them and then they are gone...very few who will respect you for it and try nothing with you, 1 in a million who will want you physically, mentally and emotionally forever like that!

  • if a guy loves you so much, he should respect you. Being a virgin is an indicator of your self worth. If he doesn't respect you because of that then leave him. Why? Sex is not the only thing that will make you hold on in a relationship. If you love the person, you'll love everything in him/her.

    if ever you're giving up your virginity, give it up to someone special. Someone who deserves you and you know that will never leave after he gets what he wants. Give it up for a man, not a guy.

    • Are you saying people who are not virgins have lower self worth? As a not-virgin, I am offended. Virginity is not an indicator of self worth. it is a choice, like any other. Not intrinsically good or bad. You didn't ask for my advice, and you probably won't take it, but I'll give it anyway. Stop thinking of virginity and sex as something you "give up." People in love do not "trade" sex. They merely enjoy it. Sex is something we share. There is a word for women who trade sex for rewards

    • I hope you understand what I am trying to say here. Sorry for offending you. It's just that we have different views and opinions. We look at the same thing differently. However, other things that you thought of me with regards on my views on sex and virginity were wrong. Have a nice day =D

    • I just made that comment, because the asker asked whether the guy would RESPECT a girl whether she will have sex or not have sex with him. For me, of course he should. For me, a guy who will not respect her because of that isn’t serious about her at all. That's why I said it's an indicator of your self worth because for me, a guy who will not respect you for keeping it isn't worth it. He might not like you at all or lose his interest towards you because of that reason but respect should always b

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  • I have respect for a girl that can hold out. I'll tell you one thing, a guy won't make a girl who puts out on the first date his wife.

  • A guy should love you for you. Not what you can make his d*** feel. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with and if he doesn't get it then forget him.

  • Did he dump you after you had sex?

  • My wife was a virgin (so was I) when we started dating and we definitely respected each other more because of it. We weren't necessarily waiting for marriage to have sex but we definitely waited for the right time. I believe we were together about a year to a year and a half before we had sex. There was no rush. But once I got it... oh boy I was addicted (still am). She hates me for it but she agrees she created this monster =)

  • I respect a girl who is like that. I realize most girls aren't virgins, and it seems many are open to becoming physical quickly, and I don't judge them because I'm not perfect either. But I recently met a girl I really liked and it confirmed all of my suspicions about how I'd handle a girl who goes slowly. I respect that she respects herself and wouldn't push her to do anything uncomfortable. Whether or not she's a virgin or just being cautious, it wouldn't really matter.

    No, that being said, there are a few answers here about you using it as a game. Don't do that. Some a-hole guys assume girls all use this as a game, which isn't true, but do it because you're really not ready, not just to dangle it over his head.

  • a man should respect a woman no matter what so. unfortunately no, well usually not.

  • If she made me work for it, I'd respect her more. But a man should never lose respect regardless.

  • It depends on the guy I guess. If he's just into sex. Then of course he will f*** off if he can't get any action. And if he truly likes you, he will respect that you will wait for sex.

  • I'd most definitely respect her more! I look for respectable girls anyway... Attraction is not the only thing that matters, not by a long-shot.

    The REAL question is... can girls do the same? I'm a virgin and I'm waiting for sex. I'm a respectable guy, but do I get any attention for the girls I'd want? Nope... Neither does any other guy like me... They end up with the bad boy that turns them on, even if they're virgins and want to wait too I'm sure. Just because I'm not screaming "I want sex!" through my actions doesn't mean I'm suddenly not relationship material. It's not that hard to figure out.

    I wish girls could just take a chance and let things grow and allow things to get better. If you plan on waiting too girls, you shouldn't rule anyone, within reason, out...

    • I would rather date a virgin boy. That way I know they aren't just players. I totally respect it.

  • I don't respect anyone who uses sex as a tool to get what they want. I also wouldn't stay in a relationship with a woman who doesn't want sex.

    • Sounds like a best answer lol!

  • hmmmm let me clarify you what I think:

    When I am dating a girl and she doesn't give me sex easily while we dating I do have a lot of respect for her, because I know for a fact that she wants to first have a relationship and second she is not slutty and stuff like that.

    But if we are in a relationship and she hasn't give it to me lets say a month after we started to have a serious thing, then I do loose respect for her. Because its annoying that she wouldn't give it to me because she doesn't trust me enough to give it to me, its kind of offensive as well. I mean if she really is in love with me like she says, why is she still putting me in the same guy with the other guys that are complete strangers?.

    • So, you mean that any girl you date after one month and does not sleep with you is not worthy of you. then, maybe it is time that all girls do not sleep with guys soon. by the way, knowing someone for 1 month is really not knowing this person for real. there are hidden secrets that a girl will not know after 1 month.

    • After 1 month of no sex you loose respect for her? I wouldn't expect sex that soon from a woman that wants a serious relationship.

    • When I say one month is when we are in a relationship officially not when we are dating. By the time we are dating officially 4 or 5 months have passed by isn't that enough time?. I mean that is waaay too much already.

  • Yes. It's who you aren not what you do.

  • i know that a lot of people respect me for my decision not the have sex and the ones who don't aren't people that I would want to have anything to do with anyway. I'm 21.

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