Dumped after losing my virginity

[georgeous-but-lonely]

I met someone I really clicked with this summer. The first week that we met we hang out quite often and at the end of the week after a party he initiated sex. Being a virgin, I frieked out and turned him down even though I wanted him. I was also concerned he was a couple of years younger than me, I'm 25. I just told him I couldn't do it because we'd just met. After this situation I saw him less often, but the attraction was still there, a few weeks later he dropped by one night and we just did it. I told him I was a virgin while we were naked in my bed. I guess he must have been shocked, he did not say anything. We were together for a week, then I left for a month abroad. I know I could not expect him to wait for me, but I guess I was hoping he will. I never said anything though, I was afraid he will think I'm clingy. After I got back, however, he was difficult to get hold of, a couple of days later he e-mailed to tell me he met a girl while I was gone and was seeing her. I am not sure if he got scared of the whole virginity thing, if he was not looking for a committed relationship or he just clicked better with this woman.she's even older than me. lol. It's been really hard for me to move on. Was it wrong that I held out for so long or that I gave it away while we were not in a relationship?

[ilovelegs]

Try not to feel bad because there probably was a combination of factors but I'm sure it wasn't because you held out so long. More so because you gave him your virginity just like that, then it made him feel like he should be committed to you but he didn't actually know you that well nor have commitment to you in mind at that point. Also, don't forget that you left for a month without probably having a nice talk about having a relationship when you got back so he might have been confused about where you stood on that. You were right to turn him down because he sounds to me to just be like a guy that expects to be able to have sex with every girls he meets after only knowing her for a short time. like he did with you. I'm pretty sure if you had held off until you returned from your trip and then met up with him again and tried to have some kind of good relationship where having sex would have meant something other than just a fun quick thing, you and him might have had time to work things out and then really clicked together. However, based on just the information you gave in your story, his history might have been that he already had multiple partners and if that was true, you're much better off that it turned out the way it did. You should have not hesitated to say something before you left because when a person doesn't say the things they should be saying, the other person has to guess what the other person is thinking, and most times that thinking will be wrong. But you may still run into him and he might be an ok guy but try not to stay hurt over this. Try to learn from your experience.

[georgeous-but-lonely]

Thank you! I wanted to talk about it before leaving but he went away for a few days for business so I really did not have the opportunity to see him before that and I thought I will. there were reasons to think that he cared about me as well as red flags that I was blind to see.

[ilovelegs]

You're welcome. I think this will prove to be a good experience for you to learn from. Like you said.. "there were reasons for you to think he cared for you and reasons why the red flags were up". Just keep thinking positive about yourself.

[dakadan]

Welcome to life. I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did, however, at the same time you have a great new experience of life. Everybody has their own reason for having sex the first time. Many believe they must be in love even though they don't know what love really is.

One of the biggest lessons to learn is about communication and many people suck at it. You could always ask him what happened. Instead of asking us what why he did what he did, ask him. He is the only one who truly knows. He may have been freaked out that you were a virgin, but my guess is he was just to scared himself since he probably isn't that experienced sexually either. He just didn't know how to handle the information or know what to do with it.

In the future I would have a pre-sex discussion(PSD) with any potential sexual partners. Find out what he wants in a relationship and let him know what it is you want. Find out what will happen to your relationship if you do have sex. I think a lot of guys don't quite know how to handle the intimacy that begins to develop after a sexual encounter, which causes them to become less available, but you can always ask what is going on. Just remember they man not be able to answer because they aren't taught how to have those conversations either. You may have to read between the lines a little bit, but by initiating that type of conversation you begin to have a freedom that many don't.

[georgeous-but-lonely]

Thank you for your advice! I know communicating better might have helped. The guy is very experienced in my opinion, he's confident and attractive. He told me - in an e-mail, which upset me a lot (not bothering to say it in person), that he met some girl and he's been seeing her. Apparently if he can fall for someone else that quickly, he did not really care about me.

[janelov]

I feel you girl. one thing you have to get straight is that it was not wrong that you held it for that long! and as for giving it away while not being in a relationship. ummm can't help you on that. It depends how virginity was impportant to you. Like for me, even if I were not in a serious relationship with someone, if this someone was special for me and I liked him I would have gving it to him. but that's just me.there are many reasons why people hold on to their virginity so think about your reasons.

Back to ur story, to me it seemed like the guy just wanted casual sex and not a committed relationship . just think about it. the first time you rejected him, you saw him less and later dropped off just for sex . it sounds to me that he just wanted some fun. there is not too much detail so it 's difficult to say anything.

I think that if it was important for you your virginity since you kept it for that long, you should have waited to be in a relationship. the first time is always hard, and it's going to be difficult to move on but you can do it. I am kinda in your same situation because I have not moved on but I am trying . so hang on girl .

[georgeous-but-lonely]

It was important to me to the extent that I wanted my first time to be with someone special. I was really into this guy so I have no regrets being with him, the only regret being that he apparently was not looking for anything serious.

[martyfellow]

I don't know about 'wrong', but it wasn't smart. Having sex with someone you barely know is not generally smart, as you can see from this experience.

[dasouthernicon]

this suxs. are you okay with how it went down? And doya see this cat every now and then? All I can say is . ouch! Hate to say it- move on. Just forget this guy. He just wanted sex. It's a shame this happened.

[georgeous-but-lonely]

It's a shame that I fell for him...i'm not ok, but I have no choice and move on. thank you for replying

[dasouthernicon]

Ur welcome, hun... hope ya grow from this