Edge of Virginity: True Story

[Anonymous]

For 23 years, I saved my first kiss and did not let any girl touch me romantically despite the countless opportunities to involve myself with them. This was for my commitment to remain single until I found the girl I can share everything with including my VIRGINITY because:

1. I can only expect her to be a virgin if I am a virgin too.

2. It is what I believe is right.

3. I want to make her happy.

Truly, I lived what I believed in. I defended my beliefs and protected those who have the same. For I know wrong is wrong and right is right.

But, a few months ago, I met an 18 year old girl who is NOT a virgin, she had sex before. But that is after we dated for a month that I found out this defining information.

I wanted to leave.

She cried regret and pain. She felt undeserving and shameful.

She said she was fooled, tricked, manipulated, used, and taken advantage of these boys. They said words of "love" but never really have done it.

I... stayed because I love her.

She said she lost something very precious to her so I gave her somethin very precious for me too.

My first kiss.

I gave her my first kiss because I don't want to save it for selfish reasons. What is a gift if the reason for you to give it is lost? My future wife will understand, if this girl is not her.

I helped her for months become a better person and she greatly thanked me for it.

But hearts fell deeper and we were in inseperable for 8 months more. So we did it, except the intercourse itself.

I have stepped on the twilight zone. One foot on the light and one foot in the dark.

I see both worlds but not too close that I lose the other. I no longer know where I am.

But one thing I know, is I love her.

Once dark, now I see love.

One foot on the light and one foot on love.

I chose a little bit more of love.

We did it more and more. As we do, our love for each other grew. She felt love for the first time as it is for me too.

But I do not know if I am still a virgin.

All the technicalities and the absolutes. I don't already know.

The people I once protected is burying me to my grave. Giving me no other choice but to accept my non-virgin status.

Now I see...

They are still right and I do not hold anything against them, as I wish them the best. But they forget purity is not only of sexual purity, but also purity of the heart.

I may possibly be a non-virgin, or still I am, I do not know. But I do not care either way, in between both sides, in the middle are a group of people who are lost and are seeking love. I want to understand them.

Now, I seek purity of the heart.

Now, in the edge of my virginity, I found...

a gap.

That I did not know was there. A missing piece.

A piece now I call,

Heart

Or I sometimes call,

Jenny