Erectile Dysfunction: It's Harder Than It Looks!

Hello. I am: still not comfortable with it so I'm going anon, but I may accidentally give myself away while talking, so if you're a follower and happen to realize it's me: please don't mention it okay? Thanks.

Erectile Dysfunction:

Why you have it

ED can be caused by several different factors. It could be psychosematic, meaning it's all in your head (the top one); it could be caused by a medical condition such as diabetes, heart disease, or prostate cancer; or it could be, as in my case, caused by either continued use of alcohol, or medication perscribed for other reasons, such as (for me) SSRI anti-depressants.

What it does

If you have ED it can be anywhere from difficult to basically impossible to get and hold an erection, no matter how sexually stimulated you are.

Maybe you can mostly get an erection, and it's hard enough for penetration most of the time, and it stays hard through intercourse most of the time. Well, you might have ED but it doesn't effect you very much it seems. That could be normal.

On the other end, maybe you can almost never get an erection, and when you do Mana to it's almost never hard enough for penetration, and even when you manage that, it almost never manages to stay hard throughout intercourse! That is major ED, and it is definitely not normal. This severe of ED can have very bad effects on you mentally as well.

But what if you just sometimes get an erection, and it sometimes is hard enough for penetration, and sometimes makes it the whole time? You know this isn't normal, but you can still manage, and although it can also effect you mentally in bad ways, it's not as bad as the extreme at least...

How to fix it

There are several treatments that seem to help with ED, at least the physical aspect of it. If it is purely psychosomatic then therapy usually helps to set this straight. In this case it is usually stress or anxiety, and that can be worked through without any medical interventions. It may only take a week or two, or months, depending.

If it's caused by something else, then fixing the cause is the main issue. If you have prostate cancer then you work with that to fix it, and do what's needed to alieviate that symptom of the disease. Same thing with any other disease causing your ED.

If it is caused by medication, however, then there are basically three options: stop, change, or add your medication. If it's not needed long term, then stop it. If it is, but a different medicine could also work, then change it. If neither of these are an option, as in my case, you just have to take pills to get an erection such as Viagra.

My ED: it's harder than it looks

(Pun not intended. That was a happy accident.)

I started taking SSRI antidepressants when I was a young teenager-- before I even really knew about ED-- right before I started dating, coincidentally. I noticed the symptoms when I was 15 and masturbating was kind of difficult, to be honest. I didn't know what it meant or why it was happening, but unfortunately this hit just about when I first started to date my first and only girlfriend, now ex.

Given the situation, both of us assumed it was just my anxiety. She knew about ED and that's when I first realized I had it, but unfortunately that didn't help it get any better. I didn't know it was the medicine. And when I lost my virginity to her it only got worse.

She didn't seem to mind as much as I did, but it was obviously not very satisfying for her so I started doing oral. I actually am pretty good at that and that helped take some of the pressure off, which let me relax more and the ED did get a little less, which leads me to believe it was partly my anxiety.

Unfortunately, at 17 my sister's husband was killed during a burglary, my father was diagnosed with a heart disease, and my best friend started to go bad, basically ditching me and pushing me to start drinking and doing drugs. I only smoked once. I drank though, consistently, too much.

This quickly rocketed my depression and anxiety, and plummeted my self-confidence and preformance in bed. Besides increased ED from added perscriptions, I also had it from alcohol, at 17.

At this point is when my girlfriend of two years now started to turn toxic... she started to put me down for having ED and slowly killing off what was left of my self-esteem until I was convinced no one else would want me besides her, even though she barely seemed interested... Needless to say depression medicine did not stop, and neither did the symptoms.

By the time we had been dating 4 years, and I was 19 and living on my own, with a definite alcohol problem, it was to the point I couldn't even get an erection basically at all anymore, and I finally admitted it to my doctor and asked for help. The first thing I did when he told me more about it was to cut back on drinking, a lot. But that didn't seem to help. I was basically threatened a breakup by my girlfriend at this point if I didn't fix it, so I was barely willing to check for prostate cancer at the doctor's insistence. Nothing.

Finally we figured out it could be the medication for my depression, but, with everything going on the doctor insisted I couldn't just cut it off. I switched to a non-SSRI medication at 20, but even though that kind is less likely to cause ED, it still managed to do it for me. Because I'm just that lucky.

Then my best friend comes back. I make another friend from a program working with the juvi in town. My best friend makes a friend at college and we all get along great. Now my girlfriend starts to be really nice again as I'm getting more comfortable with my life as a whole and don't take her breakup threats as hard. My sister has twins, and my dad is doing great. Things look better.

I am barely drinking, no longer getting drunk at all, and my doctor (doesn't know about the drinking obviously) allows me to cut back on the anti-depressants, and taper off of them! Of course now I'm much more confident and my anxiety is barely noticeable, and my stress is down a lot too.

But...

For some reason my ED does not change. After two months of this even after zero drinking, and no progress, everything starts to reverse. Nothing works.

My inability to get better leads to a fall back to anxiety, depression, and shattered confidence and self-esteem. I start to cut myself off from my friends, since they all have girlfriends and are happy and it makes me feel inferior, like there's something wrong with me, because I still have ED. I start drinking even more to try and keep my mind off it. My girlfriend notices the decent but instead of trying to reverse it she only steepens it by reinforcing my behavior and attitude.

Luckily my sister and my friends, and even my doctor, also noticed the changes, and they helped keep me in check. I tried therapy instead of medication for my mental struggles, and I redid the tests confirming there was no underlying disease causing my ED. I stopped drinking altogether after a while, and I started taking Viagra before sex. This helped. I was able finally to get and keep a hard enough erection consistently.

(I dumped my ex shortly after, oddly enough...)

The Moral of the Story:

Erectile Dysfunction can be very difficult.

For a man not being able to preform sexually often leads to a low self-esteem and confidence level, and increased anxiety and stress if they cannot find out how to fix it or even why they have it. It is frustrating and it is especially hard in a relationship, when they cannot easily satisfy their partner sexually, and that's enough to make any man feel awful.

There are a lot of different ways ED can be treated, and hopefully it is rarely a lifelong struggle, but that is sometimes the case. 30 million men in America struggle with this unfortunate condition, as well as many more world-wide. Please don't make it any harder by making fun of or belittling those who have this problem. That never helps.

thanks for reading... I hope this helped clear up some things about erectile dysfunction. Have a nice day. :)

Erectile Dysfunction: It's Harder Than It Looks!
1 0

Most Helpful Guy

  • I find the reaction to this strange I had both my testicles removed after an accident and left my penis not working very well. I can achieve an erection and can get a orgasm but without anything coming out. My g,\f and I still have sex and the enjoys it...

    • Well that's not bad. I'm glad it worked out okay.

    • At first we used a strap on. Old one of the wife's. But with a lot of playing with it it could hold an eretion...

    • That's good.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Good mytake! Without a doubt your refreshing honesty can help a guy out there who is facing the same struggle. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

    • Thank you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I suffered with the same thing years ago. I've suffered with severe depression, anxiety, and the problems really started when I started to take anti-deppressants. I think I only took them for a couple of months until I decided to get rid of them.

    It took a while after that for me to get better and get back to normal. All of these things: depression, anxiety, ED, can be fixed naturally. I understand how embarassing it can be, and how it can cause you to feel completely inadequate as a man. But you know this problem is caused by the anti-depressants. It isn't you, it's the meds.

    Here's your main problem, and I hope you'll undestand this because it's important if you want to fix this issue: you trust your doctor too much. Doctors are often way too quick to turn to treating these things with medication, things that could be treated naturally. And people just go along with it without even thinking about this.

    When I was severely depressed there were many factors that led to that. I didn't sleep well, I wasn't getting enough good food, good exercise. At the time I was unemployed and struggling to find work. My best friends had moved away so I had no social life. My doctors had me fill out a questionnaire, decides that the cause was a chemical imbalance based on that (how could they possibly know that without some kind of test?) and they put me straight on the meds. How could meds fix all of that other stuff? Think about it.

    That's their answer to almost everything. "Here take these tablets they'll make everything better". No questions about lifestyle or anything like that.

    SSRIs should really be a last resort. They're terrible for you. The reason they cause ED is that they're endocrine disruptors, which basically means that they mess up your hormonal balance. As you probably know you need healthy testosterone levels in order to function properly, especially sexually. SSRIs tank your testosterone levels.

    The ED is most likely a side effect of having low testosterone levels. Do you know what else is a side effect of low testosterone? Depression and anxiety. So maybe the antidepressants work a little bit to lessen the depression and anxiety, but they give you other problems. And the doctors will either tell you to live with it or they'll say "here, take some more medsto fix the problem". Meds that will fuck with your hormonal balance further. This is why I don't trust them.

    So what I did was:
    1) quit the meds altogether
    2) started to exercise more, specifically lifting heavy weights and boxing, exercises that boost testosterone naturally
    3) went to bed earlier and slept more
    4) ate a testosterone boosting diet, basically just a healthy diet with plenty of vegetables, some meat/fish, slow carbs such as potatoes, avoiding sugar and alcohol

    When I do those things the anxiety and depression go, and I no longer suffer with ED. In fact sometimes maybe life gets in the way and I don't get enough sleep, maybe I slip back into bad habits and don't eat well. Then the next day the depressive symptoms come back - the ED does not. Then all I do is eat well, sleep well, and they go away within a day or too. Life is so much better this way.

    It just seems crazy to me that so many people put so much trust into doctors and those meds when there's so much proof of how bad they are for you, and when there are things you can do naturally to fix it. This is what I'd advise you to do. It's the only way to fix this other than being prescribed more and more meds.

  • SSRI side effects WILL go away the longer you’re on them. Funny you didn’t mention a porn addiction as a cause. It’s so addictive it can make it so a guy can’t perform with a normal woman at all. It’s called porn creep or porn induced erectile dysfunction

    • Hmm I've never heard of that cause. Also the effect either did not go away for me or it wasn't the real cause, which is definitely possible.

    • Keep in mind anytime you increase or go from one SSRI like from Prozac to Zoloft for example it starts all over again

    • Ya, that makes sense.

  • Wow thanks for sharing

  • Actually it's as soft as it looks

  • Thanks for a really good mytake. The horrible psychiatric effects of ED are rarely taken seriously enough.

  • Just 17 and I have this situation.
    2 years of depression. (Real depression not teen depression)
    It sucks.

    • Sounds like my situation.. hopefully you don't have to take the long way out like I did. I hope you can find a solution that works-- for both problems.