Exploring the Asexual Movement and Its Importance

Exploring the Asexual Movement and Its Importance

It wasn't that you couldn't get the girl, it was that you couldn't even get her in your own head. You never even wanted to "get her", but since you're a guy and you don't like guys you wonder what you need to do to be happy. Your reproductive system works fine, but for some reason you can't successfully imagine a sexual situation; sex is naturally uninteresting to you. When you're young you think you will grow out of it. When you're a young man, you think you are defective. Sex is huge part of normative masculinity; male virginity is mocked, sex is considered to be part of what it means to be a "successful man".

So you bury your secret, you bury it so deep that your whole identity is crafted to protect your shame. You bury it in hopes, that one day it will change, or maybe one day you can maintain a relationship in spite of it. Eventually you find yourself wearing a mask, where even your loved ones can't know you. You feel a clock ticking in your head, feeling that the longer the "problem" persists the lest likely you are going find a "solution". You feel like your life will certainly end in your suicide. You think that this "problem" is uniquely yours, no one shares it, no one had ever experienced it. You feel like you are broken, you feel like you are alone.

Exploring the Asexual Movement and Its Importance

It has been two and a half years since I found out I am asexual. An asexual person is simply someone who does not desire partnered sex. Much like straight people desire partnered sex with the opposite gender, and gay people desire partnered sex with the same gender. It's an orientation, or it's the lack of one; either way, it fulfills the same aspects of our identities as it does with other orientations.

Since I have found out about my asexuality, I have tried mightily to bring awareness to this invisible orientation. In that time I have learned a lot about the world. The challenge that the asexual community faces is pretty simple. People have to know the asexuality exists, this is the only way that we can come to know ourselves. Even if people don't believe us, they have to be aware that we claim to exist at the very least.

Exploring the Asexual Movement and Its Importance

Despite the simplicity of the solution, the problem still exists. Why? Well, that has been one of the lessons I have learned. Society is destined to change, but designed not to. With that said, their are several reasons as to why this still an issue. First of all, the responsibility of making sure that the asexual movement succeeds is ultimately up to asexual people. Privacy is our enemy, yet many choose to stay closeted even after finding out, or only telling potential partners and those close to us. No one should be coerced into coming out, but our community has to be literally visible.

Number two, the media has to cover the story. What story? Well, the story that was described in the opening paragraph. That is only one individual perspective, but research suggests that about 1% of people are asexual. This is a social issue and it's one the media collectively has the power to solve. In this case, the story literally solves the issue which is the story. Asexual character representation will also go a long way in normalizing asexual people.

Third, sex education must become comprehensive. Now that we know that asexuality is valid, there has yet to be study that suggests otherwise, so kids should not be walking out of Sex Ed with no knowledge of asexuality and sexual and gender identities for the matter. Queer people need Sex Ed during their confusing adolescences too. These three things are a must if the asexual movement is to succeed.

Exploring the Asexual Movement and Its Importance

So what is the asexual movement exactly? Well, on the surface, it's the effort to ensure that people know that not everyone desires partner sex, and that is perfectly okay. But what if I was to tell you that is also the unfinished business of the sexual revolution? Only a few decades ago, it was unheard of to even refer to sex in media; speaking openly about sexuality was taboo especially for women. Queer people were marginalized in every sense of the word. It's a different world today.

Usually the conversation surrounding sexuality revolves around an increasing saturation of sex into society and differences in gender preference. The asexuality movement is bringing long-ignored issues into the conversation. Asexuality deals with the other axis of sexual diversity if you will. The axis that deals with experiencing a lot of sexual attraction vs experiencing none, as opposed to the axis that deals with gender preference. Not only is this beneficial to asexual people, but could also help address the stigma surrounding "hyper sexuality". Sex is an important part of the human experience, as long as it is consensual and of age.

It should not be shameful, it should not be regarded as something that is always a great experience like the media often portrays, it should not be used to exert power over others, it should not bring shame to a woman while bringing praise to a man, it should not bring you scorn due to the gender of your partner, and it should not be seen as a requirement for a happy and health life. Asexual people are fine without it, and this asexual person wants to see the day when asexual people don't have to feel broken and alone, and everyone can feel comfortable with their given sexuality.

Exploring the Asexual Movement and Its Importance
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I support you all. Someday you guys won't be "invisible" anymore.

    • Thanks dude! 😄

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  • A fellow asexual, here take some cake *offers cake*
    It would be great to have more awareness about asexuality, especially in what is a hyper-sexual society, I remember I had a period of feeling kinda out of place regarding the whole thing, because I just couldn't relate or imagine it or anything like that.
    Around last year I came across the term "asexual", I felt this described me and after a couple of weeks, I came to the conclusion that I'm asexual.
    The few people who know about it are nothing but supportive, even if they can't imagine it themselves, so I have been pretty lucky there

  • I'm no expert, but I would assume that if someone has no sex drive whatsoever, most likely they have some sort of hormonal imbalance. It seems to me that many of these LGBT people are creating these new sexualities that don't really exist. For example others such as sapiosexual (attraction to intelligent people) or demisexual (only being attracted to people you have a strong connection with) - do we really need separate sexualities to describe these kinds of people? I don't think so. The same goes for "asexuality" I think.

    • Well Sapio and Demi are considered under the asexual umbellia. Then are not sexualites in of themselves, but adverbs to your sexuality. As far the hormonal thing, the plumbing works fine. I could fill a sperm bank given time. However, I just don't find sex interesting. I have never had a naturally occurring sexual fantasy

  • In psychology i learned asexuality is a mental disorder and or hormonal imbalance.
    Lets push for the science of it not the personal feelings of it.

    • Quote the study. No seriously, there has yet to be s study that disproves. Kensley discussed in his studies in the 40s. The DSM listed it as a valid exception to HSDD or hypo sexual desire disorder. Many psychologists do not know this however, often times they make do us no favors by being out of touch with their own field

    • Kinsley? Has been disproven by neuroscience numerous times. The only people who take Kinsley serious are the ignorant. he based his theories off of no facts just theories. he never looked at the brain nor was he educated on it. Seriously just because the lgbt claims doesn't make it fact. You can easily pick up a neuroscience book

    • You still did not quote any evidence, also Kinsley study was not a psychological one but a sociological one, you are taking it out of context

  • I am glad that people are starting to feel more comfortable with themselves. I myself am a bisexual, so I guess I understand the troubles of identifying as pretty much anything but heterosexual these days. However, I could never wrap my finger around these 'parades' and 'movements' that include the word 'pride' or any other similar concept. This kind of exposure, or 'pride' should come as a result of an achievement from my point of view. Some sort of merit that one has for having achieved something. As with the case of being 'proud' to belong to a certain nationality or the other, I do not see the 'pride' in having this or that sexual orientation. I would feel very strange parading around town solely on the basis of being bisexual, for example. I mean, if it's to be treated normally, then I should not require extra attention because of it, should I? It is just who I am. You don't see heterosexuals parading around feeling proud of their heterosexuality because these aspects are objective elements belonging to someone's identity, not merits or free passes for special attention.

    • Well in my opinion, that is because everyday is straight pride day. Being the norm is always in style. Also, no offense, but keep in Mind that bisexual women are quite privileged when compared to other queer identities. Just think of trans women, you know?

    • No :)) I don't feel privileged, quite the contrary, you may find that bisexuals, whether they are men or women, are rejected by all other groups. Also, saying that everyday is straight pride day is (in my opinion) a bit much. Pride is one thing and carrying on with your life normally is another. We should fight for being treated normally, and I don't think that demanding for all this extra attention is the way to do it. But I will stop here cause I am aware that no one likes to hear that. Also I did not take offense :) it's all good.

    • Bi erasure is a problem, no doubt. Aces and bi more or less have that in common

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  • Asexuality is so rare... yet I feel like people are constantly claiming that they're asexual without any documented proof. It just seems like people in the "lgbt" crowd want to stand out and be unique. I remember telling people I was asexual when I was in high school because I felt awkward and ugly. After having sex for the first time and gaining more confidence, I realized I was just an awkward person, and desired sex just like most people.

    • We don't need proof anything. Do straight people need a same sex experience just to prove it? That's ridiculous

    • Ugh you sound so nauseating. Straight people don't have to prove anything because we're normal and in the majority. Odds are, a lot of the people claiming to be "asexual" are just seeking attention. It's extremely rare. Like getting into a plane crash rare. I don't think people are aware of that. Try seeking therapy first and getting diagnosed first as it may just be a deeper issue, like insecurity.

    • You are not normal, you are just more common and we are less common. Most studies point to it being about one percent of the population, that is not super rare like you say. The thing is that we don't find our asexuality distressing in of itself, we do often find the social expectations surrounding sexuality to be distressing. Also, look around you. Look at the commits, look at yours. Is that the kind of attention that people want. We are seeking attention, but we are doing so that asexual people can have our identities respected and asexual adolescences can grow up not feeling like freaks. Is there another way to bring awareness to asexuality without seeking attention for it? Trust me, this is going to grow and grow. Mind as well get use to it now. We will win! 😉

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  • I have friends who are asexual some aren't bothered by it some feel pressure from society.

  • Being asexual is a blessing !! Far more so for a man , as the male sex drive is typically very strong & is a huge curse & a burden , more so for young guys !! I remember HATING & resenting my libido as a young soldier on operations , obviously there is no outlet in that situation. Fuck " society " you are very lucky !!

    • I not going to say that there are no upsides to being asexual. However, we don't want to die alone. Being asexual makes beating loneliness a lot harder

    • @shessoheavy You can be even lonelier in a relationship !! You will very likely find you prefer your own company more & more as you get older @ 26 I was still a bit of a party animal , now I don't do anything socially & don't miss it at all.

    • That is a matter of opinion though. A lot of asexual people still want relationships, and they are harder to come by for us

  • Demisexual here. I can relate to this a whole lot.

    Are you also aromantic, or do you still love people, without the desire to have sex?

    • 'Demisexual'. Most people are 'demisexual', it's not a sexuality. Asexual, yes. Demisexual is just normal.

    • @Blonde401 Then you don't know what it is. If there's a middle ground between homosexuality and heterosexuality, there's also a middle ground between normal sexuality and asexuality (demisexuality).

    • It's not a matter of "I don't want sex with someone I don't have a bond with"; it's a complete lack of sexual attraction. It's not something you choose.

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  • lol finally a movement i can support - get betas out of the competition and leave sexuality to those who can enjoy it! sluts, good girls and alphas who will fuck both and marry the good girls, getting the sluts and betas extinguished in the process

    • 🙄 I am so glad that I don't view women that way. I see sex is a power game to you

    • it is - since the dawn of time

  • In a liberal hyper-sexualized environment, asexuals seem to be misplaced. People believe that something is wrong with them. In a sexual conservative environment, asexuals also seem to be misplaced, because then people assume that asexuals are just following conservative gender norms and will be eager to have sex in marriage; in reality, the behavior of asexuals may be similar to gays and lesbians who are put into straight marriages. So, a special category is made just for asexuals.

  • I do hope it becomes discussed more often, though I strongly suspect that romantic asexuals may be unhappy with the outcome of that.

    • Really, why?

    • Because right now many of them date under the guise of simply being more conservative/less promiscuous. People who are not asexual date them under the mistaken belief that it's a matter of waiting. You will find one group of people, beyond asexuals, who very much 'believe' in it - people who've dated asexuals. And most of them vow to never go weeks even in a relationship without clear indication of mutual sexual desire again. Asexuals as a group don't bother the promiscuous. It's the conservatives for whom they are an issue. They prove that sexual compatibility is a real thing that doesn't happen just because you're in a loving committed relationship.

    • Maybe, but a lot asexual people still don't know. So as awareness grows so does the dating pool

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  • I think I may be asexual but I've never been sure. Maybe I'm just not into sex. I can identify to a lot in the first parapragh, but I've never felt ashamed of it or tried to hide it, I'm glad that sexual desire doesn't run my life like it seems to for most people

    • Well I didn't really get into the abc's of asexuality in this article. But... An asexual is someone who does not feel any sexual attraction. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and like any other is just the way you were made. Asexuals can experience romantic and aesthetic attraction however. So, you could find someone to be handsome/ beautiful and want to form relationships but with no or little desire to engage in sexual intercourse with anyone; though some asexuals don’t feel those forms of attraction either. There are also grey areas where you may only experience sexual attraction occasionally. Also masturbation is related to sex drive or libido not always sexual attraction. Do you think of sex with another individual while you masturbate? I don't and in fact I can't. Either way you are completely normal. If any of this resonates with you I strongly suggest looking up AVEN for more information. Best of luck!

    • Ok I think I am asexual then. But I do like kissing/making out and I thought asexuals don't

    • Some do, some don't. I definitely does not mean that you are or are not ace

  • I think I possibly 35% consider myself asexual. Cause since I never had any kind of dating experience before ever in my life, or even been asked out by a man or even hang out with a guy or even seeing a guy on a regular basis, I dont find at this momenti n time any desire to have sex, cause nothing of a turn on had presented on me cause I dont have any kind of dating experience.

    Maybe if I had had the experience of dating a guy and all what it implies (date, break up if that happens, spend time with him, build emotions towards a person, etc) I may have the desire or possibly wants but since I lack of all those things, sex for me is total irrelevant and I dont feel I need it.

    I know for many people is important as part of building a relationship with your SO but also sex jsut for obligation or committment may not be the best way to enjoy sex either, you have to be ready, mature and responsible to take that step otherwise do not even try to have sex just for the sake of having sex and also If taht ever presented to me I won't have sex just with anyone just to say "Ohh ok I already had sex".

    It is like an old saying " you can't miss something tthat you never had" I guess it applies to my case. I can't miss sex if I never gone through that phase at all.

    • Well I did not really go into the abc's of asexuality in this take, would you like me too? Basically, have you ever had a naturally occurring sexual thought?