Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I had always been very insecure about my virginity, but it was not that I was just a virgin in reality but a virgin in my head as well. I have ejaculated several times, but never while entertaining the thought of sex. To me sex is very boring, so boring that it is almost impossible to focus on. I am also attracted to women but not in the way that most guys are. I actually like girls with clothes on better than off having no interest in curves, and I have a huge interest in women's fashion. I was very ashamed of these things, but I had never seen them as connected any more than my other issues were: anger, pride, too hard on myself, etc. I had always thought my inability to think about sex was a curse, and all of my other issues were derived from that. I thought if I were to have sex that perhaps it would "fix me", but I was unsure. Either I thought of sex as a skill to be learned so that I could have access to girlfriend level intimacy; sex was never something that I really wanted for sex itself, but just so maybe I could feel better about myself. As far as relationships sex was the biggest obstacle, not the goal.
One day I was walking around campus and I noticed a beautiful girl in a pretty white floral sundress. Later when thinking about the encounter and could remember that the dress was very low cut, but could not remember anything about her breasts. I thought about how strange that was for a guy my age, and thought about how I just do not really think about sex when I see pretty girls. So then I asked this question on this site: Question Some of the responses that I got back from girls seemed to think that I was not attracted to girls at all. I found this shocking because I am not attracted to guys and I love the pretty ladies. Still, I googled "what if you do not like boys or girls" and found AVEN
I had found the answer I had always been looking for and it was some much better than I thought it would be. I was asexual and nothing was wrong with me, and I was not the only human to ever experience these things. It then became clear to me that I had been lied to my whole life and everyone else had been too. the notion that everyone needs sex or needs to want sex to be happy and healthy is an utter lie. The notion that you cannot be attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to someone is an utter lie. The notion that everyone is having romantic feeling, crushes is an utter lie. the asexual and aromantic movements are exposing all of this once and for all.
I will look for asexual and aromantic people who still do not know the truth until everyone has been found or I have died trying. the only way that every Ace and Aro will be found is if everyone knows the truth, EVERYONE. Even if they do not believe it. I have never been happier now that I know that I am asexual and not "Broken" or "Alone", but I want to share feeling with all Ace and Aro people. Asexual, happy, and proud as hell. :)
What Girls & Guys Said
13 25Good for you. Its good you were able to come to terms with it and realize there is nothing wrong with have little to no sex drive.
I agree that although sexuality is a very powerful motivator for a lot of people, it is not absolutely necessary for everyone to be happy.
Our society worships sexuality so much, that some people forget there are many other great things in life that can bring joy and fulfillment as well.
How does it feel to know that you lack the ability to pass your genetics to the next generation? In the world of animals, your genes are worthless and will become extinct when you die. You are weak in body and mind.
close mindedness is weak. I could have a kid if I wanted one too!
He doesn't lack the ability to pass his genetics to the next generation. He does, most probably, have that ability unless he's infertile (which by the way has nothing to do with asexuality). He just doesn't have the desire to use it. How is he weak just because he naturally doesn't feel the urge to have sex? There's more to life than making babies and then dying.
An opposite sex asexual couple could easily have children (assuming no fertility issues), they might consider having sex to become pregnant, or alternatively just use artificial insemination.
You do know that not everyone in the world wants or can have kids, right? He doesn't "lack the ability" to pass his genetics to the next generation, he's simple not interested in having sex. That's all. And there's nothing wrong with that. And being "weak" has nothing to do with sexuality and asexuality. I completely agree with you. @lumos
So, asexual means you just dont know what you want yet? Wow, my IQ just dropped reading this garbage.
I really hope my "straight phase" starts soon. LOL please. Are understanding of things change all of the time.
I dont remember referring to "Straight", "Gay", or "Bisexual". Oh, and its spelled "our". Grow up.
Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, suggesting otherwise is offensive.
Awhh
It is so long I ll never read it!
An asexual is someone who does not feel any sexual attraction. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and like any other is just the way you were made. Asexuals can experience romantic and aesthetic attraction however. So, you could find someone to be handsome/ beautiful and want to form relationships but with no or little desire to engage in sexual intercourse with anyone; though some asexuals don’t feel those forms of attraction either. That is the short version.
Read it it might be educational for you :P
Perform oral to both sexes... What a rush...
What?
Thank you for sharing it. It's a good take :)
I'm started to believe that I'm asexual. I don't understand what means to be sexually attracted to someone and the idea of having sex disgusts me. When I think about sex I want to throw up.
Your take is very inspirational. I'm glad I read it.
thank you, Let me know if you have ant questions or would like any Asexual resources. :)
thank you, Let me know if you have any questions or would like any Asexual resources. :)
Well, I asked a question about people's reactions to asexuality and you answered it. So, you already helped me :)
Can someone choose to be asexual? I am the kinda of person that well never thought that sex was important in a relationship. I heterarromatic.
No asexuality is not a choice, just like any other sexual orientation. We are born this way. Just means that you are not sexually attracted to anyone, you never find anyone "sexy". celibacy is a choice, and that is just abstaining from sexual activity. Asexual people can even have sex an still be asexual.
I beg to diff. Maybe I word it wrong I have no intention to be celibac. I have no need for sex in any of my relationships. A little about my life, every since the day i was born I yes was taught and raise that sex was suppose o be bw to married ppls. Yet, i come to learn about myself that I never wanted to have sex in the first places, i just wanted to have sex to get it over with it. I didn't want look like odd girl out. I of course like how guys look but i still see sex as disgusting.
Hmm. Well asexuality is about sexual attraction, or rather not experiencing sexual attraction. The vast majority of of asexuals do not see sex as important or necessary to their relationships, but that is not what necessarily makes them asexual. Do you ever naturally think about sex, like does the thought ever pop into your head?
no not really.
I would definitely look into it, you sound pretty asexual to me. Only you can decide though. Maybe this will help: https://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html
Let me know if you need anything else?
People don't know much.
You can cum from masturbation without thinking about sex. You knew why? Because it feels good! That's why! I started yo masturbate at a very, very young age (5 years old) and I came from it without thinking about sexual things. I did it because it felt good! Toddlers masturbate, look it up, you think they're picturing sex while they do it?
Anyway, I liked your Take. When I was in middle school the thought of sex used to disgust me and I thought I was asexual too.
It's nice that you have closure for what you are.
Wow! Thats amazing!!! bravo!!! I wouldn't have courage to say that. Amazing.
Thanks! The masturbation argument gets so old.
Nothing wrong with it. If the idiots can't respect that you're asexual by believing that they can "help" you "become straight", just tell them directly to fuck off. It only shows that they were never true friends in the first place.
And this is coming from a straight man so more powers to you.
thanks! Sometimes I want to tell people to f off, but as an activist I usually feel like I need to take the high road.
Wow, this take was exactly what i was looking for! Check out this question which I posted minutes ago:-
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1304306-i-realized-that-i-m-asexual-i-m-really-depressed-any-advice
You Take gives me a ray of hope.
I am not convinced you're 100% asexual tbh.
I can't make anyone believe me. You have heard me that is what I care about.
And I have talked to a few asexual people and you have at least some sexual attraction and you also have had orgasms.
I can still orgasm, that is not what sexually attraction is about. I have never experience any sexual attraction.
There are differences in all of us including asexuals. " I am also attracted to women but not in the way that most guys are. I actually like girls with clothes on better than off having no interest in curves, and I have a huge interest in women's fashion". In the few asexual people I know any attraction to the opposite gender or same gender is rare in any form.
That is aesthetic attraction, not all forms of attraction are sexual or connected to sexuality.
Sure and some asexuals do not have any attraction nor can achieve orgasm because it is not a physical need. We are all different in so many ways.
I don't think you can prevent orgasm because well we are all born with our parts. I mean everyone that was born normal which is mostly everyone has sexual button. Its located in our reproductive system in both girl and boy. I really hate when people say that. I think it ignorant that you stereotype assexual and you must have never taken human health.
Ok well my field of study was somewhat involved with this. You are the expert apple and I know very little and all asexual people are the same. Good point.
Why do you think that you understand my experiences better than I do?
Yes I do. Again I stated everyone is the same and in fact I am standing next to you and sneaking into your brain and loins. Go fight with someone else or read my words.
Well then you are wrong. I know what I am and I have no problem with it. I only care if you have heard me, not if you believe me.
lol again (with just as much sarcasm I can muster) all asexual people are the same.
Let asexual people be the authorities of our experiences. Take a second and look around, do you see all of the crap I get for this. It is an everyday thing too. Why would I be willing to put up with that if this was not my orientation? I had never been happy until I found out I am asexual. No one can take that away from me.
Well being happy with yourself is of course important. I am sure I never ridiculed a single soul for their sexuality. I deal with sexual dysfunction and study it on many levels. Some people are happy with it and some not but that applies to the general populace as well.
So then why do you try to tell people that their identities are wrong when they are content with them?
Since your reading comprehension leads you to think of something different from what I wrote I am done here.
Wait, you only just found out about asexuality? I'm very much (sexually) attracted to girls myself, but I knew of the concept of asexuality before I even reached puberty, how could you get to your age without knowing about it?
Do you enjoy masturbation (or sex if you had it), but just not have any sexual thoughts with it? Would some asexual people have sex purely for pleasure, despite not having sexual attraction/thoughts?
I can't speak for the asker, but I do know that some asexual people do still masturbate/have sex because it's pleasurable. They can still experience sexual pleasure, and may even have a libido, but just not be sexually attracted to people.
Like @cipher42 said some aces can like sex/masturbation. I like masturbation, so I could how I might like sex. I would not care if I never had sex though, and am not curious about it. I never naturally think about sex; not while masturbating either. I can say that most people have not heard of it just because of how many people have learned about it for the first time after I came out to them. I found out 9 months ago.
Out of curiosity what do you think about when you masturbate?
I honestly do not really think of anything in particular, but never anything sexual as that actually will start making me go soft. The whole thing is pretty boring, the organism feels good. I do feel like it takes me longer, but I don't know if it is like that for most asexuals.
anything else you want to add?
"I do feel like it takes me longer" Than it would for someone with sexual thoughts/feelings? I've got no idea how long others take...
My bad, ignore my last commit on this opinion. @Harrison4073
Is that directed at @Harrison4073 ?
Sorry I posted before I saw that.
I don't know, it seems like it probably does take me longer than a non-asexual person. But I don't know how how long it takes most people either.
How can you ejaculate without thinking about sex? What do you even think about? Clearly you aren't funny asexual if you can masturbate several times.
arousal and sexual attraction are not always related. I can still ejaculate, but can not while thinking of something sexual. I do not think of anything any particular, but I would try to think about sex before i found out I was ace. Not being about to ejaculation would be some kind of condition.
Not being *able*
So if you don't become sexually aroused and if you are asexual you would not be jacking off.
I'm a bleeding-heart liberal and i think asexuality is bullshit. Just because you don't think about sex doesn't make you that different? Not everyone thinks about sex all the time. It's normal. You don't need to find a name for it.
Asexuality is about not feeling sexual attraction. Asexuals can still feel sexual pleasure or even having a libido. You may think asexuality is bullshit, but people throughout history have thought various sexualities are bullshit, even ones that we have scientific evidence for now. Don't presume that your own opinion due to your lack of ability to understand something is more valid than the actual experiences of others.
I just do not find people sexually attractive. It is the natural opposite of bisexuality. I have never found someone "sexy".
I took a sexual orientation test and found out I'm a romantic asexual. I'm completely fine with it. I just don't see why sex is important in a relationship. I love girls but have never had a sexual interest in them. Or men. I don't mind that I'm not interested in sex.
Well that is good to hear :)
I have a question for you. I'm not just being nosy either because I've been wondering about myself lately. I am a 20 year old virgin and I haven't had a "crush" on someone since I was in elementary school. There has been no guy (or girl) that I have liked or even fantasied about when masturbating. But, watching p*rn does turn me on, as does reading erotic novels. Does that mean I am not asexual.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude or put my foot in my mouth, I just really want to know. Asexual is a relatively new term to me.
No problem, that is what I am here for. Before I start throwing terms at you I need to make it clear that only you can determine whether or not you are ace, there is no know all be all test. Asexual itself just means that you do not find other people sexually attraction. Asexuality is about as varied as Sexuality. There are a couple of terms that I personally do not identify with but some asexuals do. Autochroissexuality, where you like sex but do not want have sex yourself; basically you only like sex in theory. Asexuality and sexuality are not black and white; some people identify in the gray (spelled "grey" in some countries) area between them. People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to those who: do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them people who can enjoy and desire sex,
Also you could be aromantic but still sexual. Romantic and sexual orientation are different, so there's that too. But if you don't feel sexual attraction toward people, it's likely what the asker said, which is that it's just a form of asexuality. You can have a libido and still be an asexual of some sort.
Thanks for all the help - you guys have certainly given me something to think about!
you don't have to categorise yourself, it's pretty normal for me that a guy looks at a pretty girl and doesn't look at her that way. your pretty normal to me.
I am normal and asexual. Asexuality is within the spectrum of normalcy. I am not trying to oversexualize non-asexual people, but I do not experience sexual attraction to anyone and that makes me asexual. I am not categorizing myself anymore than a straight, gay, or Bi person.