Fooling around but no sex. Will he think I'm easy?

[Anonymous]

After spending all night hanging out with a guy I just met (through a mutual friend) and his family, we all stayed the night at his place. After a night of him trying to hit on and be around me, I finally caved. We talked for a while then we made out. He fingered me some and I stroked him some too while we kissed. He said he wanted to have sex, and I apologized for seeming like a tease but I said that I couldn't and honestly couldn't believe I did anything more than kiss with a guy I just met. He said it was OK and did not push it. Will he think I'm easy?

[journeyman1126]

Easy is in the eye of the beholder.

Some staunch right-wingers now consider you a slut.

Hippies think you have too many hang ups.

I think you're just fine. I'd rather be turned down by a smart, attractive woman. I know she's not going to be an ass about me getting to any point of foreplay. As a matter of fact on a night like you described, I would expect a girl that is girlfriend material to stop me before I took things too far.

We both know it's a consensual act, sex. In regards to men like me, which is most, when it comes to consent, you've got just as much control over where things go as I do. However, women seem to exhibit more self control. Maybe it's a survival of the species instinct, or peer pressure. I dunno. However, in the end the old phrasing about men being the gas and women are the brakes is able to stand the test of retrospection.

You did good, girl. Go forth and sweat it no more. He thinks you're right in the middle of the road: a sensual, sexual being, who has self restraint. He thinks he may have a shot at having sex with you as a girlfriend, and that you won't succumb to the first guy that blows in your ear at the office.

Which reminds me of this time I made an easy girl my girlfriend, then went to see her at the restaurant she waitresses at. Two or three times I saw one of her co-workers with both hands on her ass, kneading dough. What was I thinking?! NO sex is that good.

You can't make a whore a housewife. Coarse, chauvinist, and arcane. The gist of it is true.

[Asker]

Thanks, I very much appreciate your input! I would consider myself a middle of the road girl. I waited the longest of my friends to lose my virginity and I don't sleep with just anybody, but once I find a guy I'm into I'm very sexual. I've got no hangups about sex, I love sex, and I have urges just like any man. I also know that I'm a very smart, classy girl, and feel I often have to hold back in that regard so that a guy can see those good points about me. So, I guess I was concerned all of tha

[Asker]

t might get lost in his mind simply because we got physical a little fast (even if it wasn't that far.) Also, he asked me to come up with my friend in a couple days to another family event of his, but did not ask for my number or add me on Facebook. Confusing signs I suppose. Any thoughts?

[journeyman1126]

Hrmnmnnn. Not very cool, just inviting you like someone he sat across the table from at a family affair. But I'm older and we had to do that when I was your age. I'd still add you, though, and don't see why he didn't unless he's dogging you out to his friends. Let the force lead you, young Jedi. Is his aura pleasant or is it a mystery? Did you feel like two lovers enjoying each other 100% willfully, or was it a tug-of-war between you to see how far he could take it, and how far you'd let it go?

[Asker]

Well earlier in the night I wasn't really sure about him, so he was putting in a ton of effort to get my attention and be around me. I'd give in a little bit but then pull back. This was all during the outing and the party. But by the time we were in bed together it was willful on both sides. He took it very slow and respectful, I was 100% willing. It was only when he said "I really want you" that I told him I couldn't and he was understanding. We spent the rest of the time just sweet kissing wi

[Asker]

th nothing physical. Talked for a while. He kept saying how he wished we could cuddle together all day. When he invited me to this outing I told him I wasn't sure I could and he kept insisiting. Then he got up from the other room when he saw me leaving to give me a hug goodbye. His phone got broken in the mayhem of the night before so that could be why he didn't ask for a number. But the Facebook thing doesn't make sense. He could find me easily.

[itunder]

Depends on who he really is. What was his conversations like and how he presented himself. If nothing more happened than he won't think your easy. Your honesty with him should have gained respect, if nothing else. The thing is, are you going to talk to him again? If so than you can have a better understanding of what he is like.

[Asker]

Well he seemed like a really cool, funny guy. I have no idea what his feelings are on that issue, but most of our time together was spent talking, joking, and hanging out with his family. That was only a small part. He did also mention me coming up again with my friend in a few days, gave me a hug at the door, joked about us getting married, etc. But he never asked for my number, hasn't added me on Facebook, so I don't know. Maybe he didn't bother since he thinks he'll see me again tomorrow?

[Anonymous]

this happened to me, I fooled around with him a lot but I said I couldn't have sex. he did think I was a tease and he got frustrated and didn't want to see me again.

i don't know if he was pissed because he didn't get sex but he probably only wanted sex either way. I am sure it made him think I was easy though.

[journeyman1126]

*I meant we had to get the digits when I was younger.