I'm in a long term friends with benefits relationship. 10 years in fact. It works pretty good for the most part. The sex just keeps getting better and better. I have never had a more attentive lover. We are very affectionate, romantic, and loving. We have confessed our love for each other many times over. I however, I would like to be considered a girlfriend not just a lover. e tells me he is mine and is not at all interested in anyone else. He says he's just not the dating type. I have known him for 25 years and have never seen him with a woman. I don't know if he will ever come around, but he has told me I'm his #1 and he wouldn't want to live without me, he just doesn't think he could be much of a boyfriend. He never really has had a girlfriend and all the responsibilities that go with that kind of a relationship. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses for him and maybe I am. And it sounds like I'm not quite getting fulfilled in the relationship, and I'm not. Things are better then they were years ago. Now we spend every holiday and special day with each other, as before he avoided spending those days with me. It's not ideal, but he is the only man I want. It's probably really easy for people to judge others in this situation, but please don't. This situation works fairly well for both of us. I'm not a needy person, I couldn't stand always having someone texting, calling or spending time with me, so this works better then some BF/GF relationships I've been in. I start to feel smothered and run for the hills when someone gets possessive of my time. We have not slept with other people since 2008.
I'm in my first friends with benefits situation with a guy i knew since 9th grade and was close with since 11th and still am as a rising sophomore in college. I recently broke up with my emotional abusive boyfriend of 9 months 3 weeks ago. My now friends with benefits and I were complaining about people who suck at sex, and he suggested doing it with me to show me a good time since my ex was selfish and my previous ex was too big and it hurt. At first I said naw because I genuinely never seen him like that before, not that I think he's unattractive, but we were completely platonic for all those years before. Now we have sex multiple times a day and week, no romantic feelings involved, still very sweet to each other, with the same goofy conversations, and talking about hot people we would bang, no problem. It's been two weeks of this so far and it's been going great, almost orgasmed for the first time, and plan on going for awhile still keeping it a secret from our friend group who would probably judge us. Sorry for being oober specific but yeah. Thats my story.
oops i used too many commas :P
I am in a "FWB" relationship, and it seems to be turning into a "real" relationship. IE he comes over every day, spends the night every night. He has met my kids and my father as they all live with me. He has hung out with my friends and visa versa.
I did not go into this with the intentions of him "falling" for me, he made it perfectly clear he just wanted fwb. I was actively dating around (NOT sleeping around). Now at this point I don't have time to "date" others as he is always with me if we are not working.
As for posting anonymously I do "just in case" he is on this website, because he has no idea how I feel for him, and until he admits it I'm not going to for fear of rejection.
My sisters friends with benefits did all this and he wanted nothing other than sex from her. He's now onto another victim
Older than you.
It is a way of backing into a relationship without the social protocol and profiling of modern dating. The expensive clothes, makeup, hairdo's and intense grooming such as "Brazilian waxing" and high dollar clubs, alcohol, trendy drugs, etc. give way to more of a relaxed WYSIWYG environment. A fresh shower, light trim, delivered pizza and a few CD's leave the entertainment to us with no distractions.
Falendove is right. FWB is not booty call or one night stand. It is, literally, friends who have sex. By golly, just like a good marriage.
OK, so your contention is that this is just another way to begin a relationship. Fair enough. But how many girls/women believe this only to discover -- as it seems many on this site seem to be doing -- that their "friend" is more interested in the benefits than getting into a relationship?
I've just had 1 and it was perfect for about 8 mths, a little too perfect. I developed feelings and she didn't apparently (how I don't know?). I'm fine with things continuing the way they are but she's not. I believe it can work though. Just depends on the people involved and how much respect, honesty and communication there is.
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!It never has for me. I guess that is why mostly women post on here asking about it.
The woman gets screwed because we are wired differently an unlike men, it is harder to separate feelings from sex.
That's bull shit and only furthers the crap people think of women. I'm a chick and have NEVER had an issue separating between the two. I've never understood why people do. Sex is physical nd chemical. Love is emotional crap. Great job
Girls refuse to acknowledge it despite the biological evidence that explains that girls are, in fact, more likely to get caught up in emotion due to Oxytocin released in greater quantities in women during sex than in men. And always it is one woman who claims she is perfectly fine with it, therefore all the sob stories and evidence proving that mist girls are not, are false. Congrats to the one female here or there that doesn't fall victim to feelings, I envy you. Mist women, however, have a hard time dealing with it.
guys fall too. they all do. I think its fine if you really want a fwb. BUT most people lie to themselves & the people they are friends with benefits with. saying they just want the sex.. wile hoping for more.. in that case its degrading demeaning & delusional imo.
In my case, it has always turned into a relationship. |:
Interesting - so this is a strategy you use to ease into a relationship? Perhaps like testing the waters - sexually - before committing emotionally?
Oh, Absolutely. I love sex and I'm not afraid to admit it and I have no shame about it. Some people look down upon it, but I'd rather know if my future boyfriend is good at having sex, because its important to me and realtionships.
There must of been something you like about him to do that. I can't see you just screwing everyone you date.
It has worked for me in the past. And actually it was the guy who made me feel like things were going into "relationship-zone" so I ended it. So yeah, it can work. But, I'm in the reverse situation where I have to break off my friends with benefits very soon because I've become emotionally attached to him, and he's fantastic in every way, and due to my life's circumstances, it could never be more than what it is. So, sometimes it doesn't work. It helps if both parties find something that annoys the piss out of them about the other. If I'm ever able to do friends with benefits again, I will make sure he is slightly dumb, just enough to turn me off to the idea of anything more with him.
Not old, but suffering from selection bias; those girls who are happy in well-managed FWB relationships are never going to post.
Why wouldn't they post anonymously? I asked because I'm genuinely interested in understanding the female side of this arrangement. I think it's a pithy question, considering how often I see the term used here. Apparently, I had no idea just how prevalent it is. Falendove (above) answered that it has always been the catalyst to start a relationship.
They won't post at all; why would a girl in a happy FWB post on GAG, where a hundred girls will tell her that her relationship will fail, and a thousand girls will call her a whore? A few will be brave enough to call bullsh*t on them all, but most just split. If you're _seriously_ interested, best to ask around among people you know; you probably know someone in one, and they'll probably tell you about it once they decide you won't be an *sshole about it.
I've had some male friends and colleagues who have been in FWB arrangements and they were quite happy. But being a married guy I don't have that many single female friends. Plus, I'm more interested in hearing what many women have to say rather than just one or two. I hope to get more responses, but que sera sera.
I'm on one now. I like friends with benefits relationships. I don't do "real" relationships. I have too much baggage for that shit. I like sex and I like friendship. Why do we need romantic crap? IDFK maybe I'm just aromantic
I think it works great, no commitment, no obligations, and if we decide we want to actually date other people cool, no drama. I pretty much made it clear im only in it for the benefits, he agreed so its a pretty nice set up. I even told him I dont want to meet his kids or any of his family and he isn't obligated to meet mine either so i feel like that tells him a lot about what I'm looking for. I dont have time or the commitment for any of that stuff right now anyways
My friends with benefits and I have lived together until he moved. we have strong feelings for each other. Will it work out? Not sure yet.
Statistically? Hardly. But it can be done. Both parties have to be honest about their feelings for one another and share the same connection.
My only friends with benefits ended up being my boyfriend for 8 months. He made all the moves and wanted the romance.. not always the girlz who want more.
I'm married for 18 years. 14 years ago, we decided to do the open marriage bit.
I've had the same friends with benefits since then. Granted, the first few years were on again off again, the last 6 or 7 years have been pretty steady. About once a week, sometimes more sometimes less. The last several years have been at night, (so not quickies). He lives alone although I'm pretty sure he's had a girlfriend most of this time. We only see each other when we're gonna have sex. I'll go to his place, we'll watch some TV, smoke some pre sex pot, do it, smoke some post sex pot & that's it. An hour, 2 tops. It was the best set up. I was so lucky.
(My husband & I just don't have a physical relationship anymore, not for a really long time. We're basically friends who live like roommates, (we have a kid together). I love him, but it's platonic. )
My friends with benefits never blurs the line with any sort of "unnecessary' intimacy, like cuddling after sex or anything like that. But there's only so much of a barrier that can be created like that. After so many years, I obviously love him, but being in love is a whole other thing. I don't really know what the difference is, but there is a difference, or so I'm told.
Recently, long story short- I started having some jealous feelings & pretty much shifted things from me being an asset to a liability, so he ended it. Said it was toxic & some other bullshit.
Haven't seen him in over a month, & I'm just crushed , not to mention irritable as hell from lack of sex.
So, to answer your question, it depends on how you define "work". At this moment, my answer is NO. If I were asked that question during the previous 8 years, I would've answered YES in a heartbeat, so grain of salt.
Im amazed to see its mostly women who posted about friends with benefits here at gag. but most of these women seem to have their hopes it will turn into a relationship. most of the time, it doesn't.
I think you have to be very detached from your emotions for it to work. I think fewer women can just have no strings attached sex and enjoy it compared to men.
I thought I was in one that was working, but eventually it was clear that it wasn't working for me. What was once exciting and fun, started to leave me just feeling used. The sex was still good (usually), but nowhere near what it was, and I felt myself keep chasing that original feeling - like an addict. I also wasn't really sleeping with anyone else while he definitely was. And it didn't help that I have a lot of guy friends who talk badly about women without knowing this relationship puts me in the same position as those women. I realize what I wanted was a low maintenance relationship, but that's not really what a friends with benefits is for men. So I can't say I fell in love and my heart was broken, but my ego was certainly bruised from it. I don't regret it, but I don't plan to be in one again.
Wow your comment hits home, part of me fantasizes about it but I've never had a boyf. and I think I just like the idea of the intimacy without the relationship.. but then a low maintenance relationship sounds much more practical... considering my life is devoted to my job lol
Totally agree with this. You initially feel fantastic, attractive and wanted. Two or so months later this is all replaced, you feel used, stupid and you know that even if you were 20billion stone with a squint and a hump he still would have had sex with you. Self esteem takes a good old hit and you feel somewhat scarred with being tagged with friends with benefits label in the first place
I am currently kinda broke up with my fwb, but we are still doing everything we did before, just no benefits, at his request, due to a fight we had got into, and his feelings being hurt.
here's the thing. I care for him, as he does me. I had just got out of an abusive ltr, and he witnessed it. He's been hurt in the past and doesn't want to get hurt again. He's my best friends brother.
Before we entered into the friends with benefits zone, we were somewhat acquaintences, but I am good friends with his family.
The first time we hooked up, it was magical. It was instant sexual chemistry. With sparks, butterflies, connection, the whole nine yards, and the funny thing was I wasn't even attracted to him, or so I thought.
Long story short, we've been at it for 2 years, and it has its ups and downs like any relationship, but I do feel that we have a deepening connection, and feelings are there, just as any other.
It's hard to maintain this type of relationship without getting feelings, especially when you are friends already, and you get comfortable in the current position.
so I say run with it. You never know. If you're not getting hurt, and you keep your feelings at bay, you never know what can happen.
Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Most Helpful Girls