Getting Pregnant: The Facts To Consider Before Having Sex

I was 23 years old when my first child was born. Although I had always planned on having children, this pregnancy was not planned as far as timing goes. My husband and I were still in our "selfish phase." We loved to travel and eat out, and we were both advancing in our careers. We lived in the coolest loft in a suburb outside of Seattle and it definitely wasn't kid friendly. After the initial shock wore off and the excitement grew, we started to think about how to fit a baby into our lives. We were convinced little would change. Sure we would now be a family of three, but we were both capable people; we had been married for a couple of years and we loved each other. Financially we were stable and we just figured the baby would just fit right into our schedules and little would change.
getting pregnant

The first thing to change was our living arrangements. Our super cool loft was replaced by a two bedroom family friendly apartment with very little character. Next to go was our two door car in exchange for a family vehicle that was more car seat friendly. We hardly went to our favorite restaurants because I either felt too sick or had wicked heartburn. I missed meetings at work to attend frequent obstetrician appointments. My stylish petite business clothes were replaced by large maternity clothes and my feet were often too swollen to wear the high heels that I loved.

Then one cold night I finally went into labor. According to everything we had read we should be parents sometime in the next twelve hours. Wrong again. I was in labor for 40 hours! We had planned a natural birth but the pain was so excruciating I threw up constantly. I finally relented and got an epidural which consisted of a long thick needle being inserted between the vertebrae of my spine. The anesthesiologist placed it wrong the first time, so I had to go through the procedure twice. After three hours of pushing and an episiotomy our little bundle was born.

So after a short hospital stay, we went home to resume our life. The baby NEVER slept. He wanted to eat all the time and refused to take a bottle which meant I was constantly nursing. I ended up leaving my job because we didn't have any family around and didn't want to trust our child to strangers. The novelty of a baby soon wore off with our single friends and we found we had less and less in common with them. Money became tighter as we struggled to provide everything our baby needed on one income. We soon realized that the baby was setting the schedule and we were trying our best to fit into it.

Imagine the challenges a young girls getting pregnant must face. While other girls are shopping for prom dresses and shoes you are shopping for pacifiers and a stroller. While they figure out what parties to fit in their schedule you try to figure out how to fit a baby into yours. Challenges of school and pregnancy can be so tough that many girls end up quitting.

The pregnancy can be extremely hard on a young body that may still be developing. In fact birth defects, low birth weight and premature birth are more common in young mom's; which make you wonder if this is nature's way of telling them they are too young for sex to begin with. Many girls hide their pregnancy from friends and family and as a result many don't receive the prenatal care that they should. Although approximately a million teenage girls a year get pregnant, there is still a huge social stigma attached. Even the best teenage mom is viewed as incompetent, which has a huge effect on the poor girls self esteem.

My baby's daddy will help! A whopping sixty percent of teenage mom's end up as single mothers. And even if your guy has the best of intentions, can he really emotionally support you? And what about financially? The average cost of raising a child is now an astonishing $200,000 and that doesn't even include college! One of the most significant long term problems young parent's face is not completing their education. This can greatly limit their job options. Welfare or a poorly paid job can cause huge financial pressure and emotional stress. In addition to the pressures of raising a child imagine adding in the stress of poor housing, inadequate health care or even not being able to afford basic necessities.

Having a kid will definitely change your life. But don't expect a baby to help you find love or trap a guy into marrying you. A baby is a huge lifelong commitment. If you wait for the right time in your life to have a baby it can be amazingly fulfilling. The more life experience you earn before you take this big step, the more you can pass on to your child and the better parent you will become.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the point of the article sailed right over your head motoboater. While you posit that a married 20 something year old isn't the right person to speak to a younger audience, your premise is entirely unwarranted. The argument falls flat because the basic point is that pregnancy is hard and changes your life even when you have resources available. Without them, you're really going to have a hard time.

    The notion is to understand these things before making the choice to have sex.

Most Helpful Girl

  • What a great and so true article. Whether married or single a baby changes so many things and many of the things are not fun things.

    I becamae a single mother of a beautifull daughter when I was 21. I had no daddy around to help. I am very proud to announce that at 8:05 tomorrow morning I will watch a very happy 5 year old climb on a school bus for the very first time off to kindergarten. If anybody thinks is was easy to get her this far guess again.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you're trying to dissuade teens from pregnancy, your whole preamble was about a married 20-something having a kid. Strike one.

    If you're trying to dissuade married 20-somethings from having kids, why? They're married, the 20's ARE the healthiest time to have kids, and if they CHOSE it, you're just raining on their parade. If it's an accident, like yours, thanks for pouring salt in the wound. Strike two.

    So...after your kid was born, do you regret it or are you grateful for its life?

  • I think this is a great article. I'm 24 and now that we're out in the world after college, my and my guy are being pressured to settle down and have kids. But we're not ready for many of the reasons you listed (if we'll ever be ready, as we're not sure on the kids issue). I think that so many forget what babies really entail.

  • My husband and I are both 23 and have been together for 7 years. I told him from the very beginning I didn't want kids. We both agreed that the idea of children sounds cool but the reality is that when you have children your life is no longer your own. I always ask people who think we are crazy for not having children, "Have you ever seen a couple with children in a restaurant or out anywhere that look happy?" That helps them to get where we are coming from.

  • I agree with motorboater

  • I wouldn't presume to tell anyone when they should or should not have a baby. I have actually heard young single teens talking about trying to get pregnant because they have some romanticized notion about what raising a baby is like. I merely wanted to point out, that even in an ideal situation raising a baby is really hard.

    I would never describe my unplanned pregnancy as an accident. I don't for one second regret his birth or that of his siblings.

    But even as a veteran, its still hard!

  • Loved your article, it defintely reinforces my idea of not having children, I'm just going to adopt when I'm married and ready for it

  • There was too much bitter ranting in here. All I heard was negative this, negative that.

  • I love being a mommy myself, but I was in my thirties--I would not be able to do it had I been twenty something as I was still growing up--with that aspect behind me, I can concentrate only on the joys of motherhood--but yes, I argue with young men all the time who think women should just give it up cause they want it, that women have to deal with potential pregnancy, which, abortion or no, can effect her, while he could run away and hide... very serious concerns...

  • This is why we have abortion. The clinics are there to use, people should use them.

  • As a guy, this reinforces my idea of not having kids. I know I am certainly not ready.

  • Im 20 and a single mom..Im in school I work and I support my child and myself I've very happy and would change it for anything.as for being pregnant it was hard and still is ...and as for "Have you ever seen a couple with children in a restaurant or out anywhere that look happy?" just because they don't look happy doesn't mean a thing I'm sure you went into a restaurant or out somewhere and you didn't look happy to someone looking at you just becuase they have kids don't make them unhappy