Guys, do you think virginity is sexy?

[Anonymous]

Whenever girls ask if guys are OK with virgins, most of them say they like it because they don´t compare them to other guys, they don´t have stds, they can control themselves which means they are not likely to cheat, etc. None of this things sounds sexy. Maybe from my point of view. Is there something sexy about being a virgin? Maybe the feelings involved during the girls first time are sexy to some guys, or maybe knowing no other man has been inside her. I don´t know, guys what do you think?

[jdcpa]

Okay, well, you have to understand what you are asking . . . so that you understand what the answers you're getting mean.

There is no such thing as "guys," the same way there is no such thing as "girls." The world is made up of unique individuals, each either their own unique preferences. The sum of those individuals may have some averages and general traits, but that's useless information unless you plan on dating the collective sum of individuals as a group.

I would suggest you grab a marketing book. It may be worth reading up on market segmentation, market share, and niches.

Virginity had mass appeal, once upon a time. Why? Because people were actually religious, and society forced people to conform to religion, which required virginity. So, if a girl wasn't a virgin, it was generally bad. If a girl was a virgin, it was a good thing.

Today, virginity is really just a niche'. I'm sure there are old-fashioned people out there, who are ultra-conservative, ultra-religious, and place a high value on a person's virginity.

However, the vast majority of men don't place any value on virginity. Prior to the age of 16, if a girl is a virgin, that's generally considered normal. If a girl has had sex, then people look at her funny, thinking "gosh, where were her parents? that's a little young to be having sex; and who did she have sex with?" After the age of 18 though, the opposite is true. If a girl is not a virgin, that's generally considered normal. If a girl is a virgin, then people think that girl has problems or issues with her self-esteem, confidence, has serious insecurities, or has deep rooted issues with sex and intimacy. That's a very negative scarlet letter to be labeled with, especially from men, because unless the guy is desperate, it's not worth any man's time/energy/money/sanity/life to act as the girl's personal psychotherapist to help her get over those issues. Now, between the ages of 16-18, that period is a grey zone. It really doesn't matter what happens, because some people will think the girl is still too young to be having sex, whereas some people will consider it normal.

Now, if a girl is 18-24, no, it's not sexy. It's very negative. I don't want to be the one to introduce someone to sex. I don't want to be someone's first. I'm not 12 years old anymore, and I'm not in a Disney movie or Nicholas Sparks novel. Those things are not "special."

Do you know what is in every guy's top 10 list of negative traits in a woman? Sexlessness. Every man is terrified at the idea of being in a sexless relationship, or trapped in a life sentence of a sub-par sex life. Why? Because they don't bust their @ss in life just to settle for sub-par sex. A girl that's a virgin by age 18-24 is sending a terrifying message to men: "If you think my self-control and ability to deny myself sex was good in my youth, just wait and see how great I am when I'm mad or angry at you about something." Ohh, so sexy . . . withhold from me baby! (sarcasm emphasized)

[rakayln]

You can't say that that is true for every man

[Asker]

I hope not. I'm a virgin, but I'm not sexless or not interested in sex. It just didn't happen. What am I supposed to do? Do it with some random guy just to get people to think I'm "normal". "Normal" sexuality doesn't exist. Everyone has their own definition and we are not animals that "must" have sex at a specific age. We are human beings with feelings and its hard for some people to open up. So, yeah, I certainly hope not all men think like this.

[jdcpa]

case and point

[normalice]

it does have an appeal to my sense of 'conquest,' yes. However, that's just the instinct part. In reality, I know it will take a far greater length of time that I am prepared to give, in order to get a virgin to let me have my way with her.

So, while the feeling of conquest does have an appeal, my loathing for abstaining from sex for what is ultimately 'no discernible reason' greatly outweighs that appeal. I acknowledge that girls generally prefer their first time to be 'special,' but I don't understand why they have this preference. If I 'clicked' with someone who is a virgin, I wouldn't really get why she would want to wait for several months before she would let me have sex with her. I can sort-of understand a week or two, just to make sure I'm not just a player - that's sort of the "standard" waiting time for non-virgins (at least in my experience). I can't understand several months though. I mean, unless a girl is trying to remain a virgin until she is married (which also doesn't make sense, but at least is a common oddity), the wait just doesn't compute with me. But then I'm a guy...

[Asker]

Not once did I mention anything about waiting for months.

[normalice]

nor did I mean to imply that you, personally, would have such a requirement. That is merely what guys - myself included - assume will be the case should they date someone they discover is a virgin. Like with any generalization, there are many exceptions - but it takes a lot of ambition to rely on the exceptions to the rules to get by, which a lot of guys simply don't have.

[Lupianwolf]

I'm a virgin and I don't find it sexy,

I'd just prefer to do it with a virgin first time because we have something in common(sorta)

[KingsOfleon88]

In my opinion, I just think sex should be with someone who genuinely love and care about. It shouldn't be something that is just given up, for e.g. to someone you meet at a bar. I don't want to just have sex to have sex, because that isn't who I am. I don't want to have sex, and then toss a girl aside because I have no real feelings for her other than just thinking she's completely sexy and has a great body. In my mind it just feels like I'd be using her and it seems morally wrong. So, Ideally I think finding a girl who thinks sex means something more, other than just cheapening it, is important.

[Anonymous]

-They are the first inside of you and they get to 'pop your cherry'. This can only be done once in life. It's a weird gift of some pain and hopefully a lot of pleasure. You can't really break-in an experienced girl.

-The idea of giving a girl an orgasm from sex for the first time (though I'm not sure about actual success rates being very good) is really tempting to all men. I guess it's kind of like getting her to discover what it is like to get drunk the first time (but imagine no hangover or sickness afterward) but with pleasurable sensations instead of dizziness and loss of inhibitions. The hope is that you will get her addicted to sex with you so much that she will practically break down your door and jump on top of you at any given moment.

-Girls who are virgins can't compare their man to former guys; honestly the last thing most guys want to think about is someone before them giving their girl more pleasure than they do

-Girls who are virgins are clean; if they are on the pill you could enter them without a condom and feel them all the way through without worrying about STDs (even though it's still only 97% protection against pregnancy or something like that... Actually, I have heard that for a fertile couple trying to have a baby there is like a 25% chance of it happening given a single encounter.) While I've never had sex before, I've tried masturbating into a condom to see what it might be like -it feels duller and with less sensations.

I would also prefer my first time to be with a virgin (I'm a romantic for the double-v thing), but I am getting too old for that to be a possibility anymore, unfortunately.

Girls: Am I doing the right thing by saving myself for so long? Or have I just wasted precious time that could have been used to get good at sex? Do girls find virgins attractive for any reason? Guys don't really have anything to 'break-in', so to speak...

[Anonymous]

I don't think virginity itself is sexy, but it is great when compared to the promiscuity of many other girls.