Guys, He Can't Keep Up With My Sex Drive?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are very different. I've remained pretty physically active my whole life, and he's a gamer. I like to eat healthy (and a lot); he eats maybe 1000 calories a day of whatever and is thin as a rail. I'm a people person; he's more introverted. Surprisingly, we get along really well. But we argue about one thing: how much sex we have. Before, I blamed his lowered sex drive on porn and asked him to stop. However, he quit watching, and he says that last time I wore him out (the other night I made him orgasm 3 times). So I realized something: I don't think he can physically keep up with me. Like, he literally does not have the physical stamina to have sex every day. Can this be fixed? I will stay with him regardless, but it'd be nice if we could exercise together and have sex more... but is that something that I can really ask of him? Or is this totally insulting? Please be respectful in the comments. I love him very much, and bashers will be blocked.

[Levin]

Well, you have to remember men and women are wired differently. It's tiring for men to ejaculate, personally, I don't think it's sustainable at all to ejaculate 3 times a day. You might like to consider sex without ejaculation: There's plenty of tantric and suchlike books, the Tao of love and sex is one, I think, by Jolan Chang.

The other thing is, quality (and intimacy) over quantity? There's more to the day than just fucking and orgasming. Not that sex isn't great. But are you actively getting closer through sex, rather than just fucking and trying to orgasm as much as possible? If not, something is not quite right. You probably complement and aggravate each other a lot, because you're possibly too (?) eager, he's not eager enough. A book or a walk may help you :P Not trying to shame you for being sexual, mind. Sometimes some moderation can be helpful, is what I'm saying.

His lifestyle is definitely part of this though. I mean, gaming, going to bed late and getting up late, porn, weed, excessive sugar, lack of drive, etc, all symptoms of excess yin and comes with a certain laziness and physical weakening. How do you get someone to change their lifestyle? Short answer, is you probably can't. They have to see for themselves that these things are necessary.

[Asker]

Thanks for your honest opinion. Yeah... we talked last night, and what I really do crave is intimacy... He is pretty guarded... We've both been through a lot... that's why we get along. We get the other person. So I guess I sub the sexual intimacy for the emotional...

[Levin]

maybe he could give you more oral? Would you be satisfied if you got a few orgasms through oral before sex? Don't worry about these kind of 'intimacy pains', they're a nice chance for you to work things out and become closer :) Communication and honesty is key! Nothing can be rushed, but with the right intent, you will get there!

[FakeName123]

Turn the genders and imagine how pissed off many girls would be if a guy says his girlfriend can't keep up and he wants to do something about it.

Frankly speaking you can't. You just need to find a middle way that is satisfying for the two of you rather than "he has to keep up with me" - which is a very selfish notion and mindset to have.

[Asker]

I guess it wouldn't bother me so much... if he didn't masturbate by himself. We've gotten in arguments where he's accused me of being sexually lazy, and I've accused him of only wanting to satisfy himself...

[FakeName123]

Then your sex-life is the least of your worries, but first you should figure out how to express each other and criticise each other constructively - aka both working to improve the relationship.

[Asker]

We have a good relationship, though. This is literally the ONLY thing we argue about.

[Asker]

I understand what you're saying, though... I'll think about it before bringing it up...

[supernerd99]

not arguing doesn't equal "good relationship". anyway... .

[Anonymous]

Don't be shocked because opposites attract the MOST when it comes to things like you being an extrovert while he is an introvert. However, when it comes to the eating habits I agree that it would bother me let's say if I had a guy who is picky or eats junk food... You can't change him, you can influence him though or inspire him and if he wants, he'll change his health habits.

Anyway, when it comes to sex I totally get you. I am the exact same way... I have a very high sex drive. I used to get butt hurt when my guy didn't wanna have sex at least twice in one night. But I learned to understand, males and females are wired differently. Most of the time my guy would have sex at least twice, but when he is "too tired" I understand and I don't push him. Girls can usually have a lot more sex a day, but for a guy it's tiring.. it can also be a matter if he lasts long or not? Because if he lasts longer like over half an hour at least, then it should be more satisfying to you than if sex lasted a short amount of time which makes you want it a lot more..

[nala_rawr]

sex drives aren't something that u can change. u can make urself have more sex, but it might not be enjoable for either of u.
maybe if he was physically active and ate better it would change. maybe suggest it to him and c how he reacts. i dont think he'll feel insulted. maybe he doesn't realize its something that bothers u.

[Anonymous]

It may not be stamina, it could also be a lower sex drive than your own. Does he express interest in wanting to go again but is just not able to?

My partner has a lower drive than I do so I masturbate regularly. We have sex nearly everyday but I'll still go alone another 1-2 times

[Asker]

He used to masturbate 1-2 times a day... I really think it's stamina.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe ask him if you can start exercising together and build up to a level of cardio he's comfortable with

[joemm]

Sounds like he needs to take better care of himself. Get him to eat right, exercise and use one of those penis health cremes every day. Using a creme like this ensures that the penis is getting the vitamins and nutrients it needs to be healthy, strong and youthful. They are very helpful. Good luck to you.

[summiter]

Try to get him outside a bit more and to workout wit you. If he went 3x in one session that is not too bad for most guys. How old is he? Would you consider getting some sex toys and having him use them on you if he gets worn out. How many times a week do you two have sex?

[Asker]

He suggested sex toys... I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

[lualesca]

Wow, you really seem like a loving person, you have a serious trouble with your partner, and you try to find a solution.

There are men stuck with women who barely want to have sex, and yet this guy has a healthy, probably beautiful and sex crazy girlfriend, and he is not appreciating it, plus you care about his health and his social life and social behaviors.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

You assume that every male has a high sex drive. You're wrong.

[lualesca]

@93stepsawayfromhome Wrong, you are the one asuming things. There is a difference between saying all men have a high sex drive, and most men have higher sex drive than women. To put it in perspective, let me use numbers, lets pretend high sex drive is 10, low sex drive is 1. If my sex drive is 5 and my girlfriend's sex drive is 3, i have a higher sex drive than her, but my sex drive isn't really high either, i just happen to have a higher sex drive.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

"this guy has a healthy, probably beautiful and sex crazy girlfriend, and he is not appreciating it"

[lualesca]

@93stepsawayfromhome Thank you for quoting me but you are yet to explain hwo i implied that all men have high sex drive.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

If you have a girlfriend who's sex crazy, you should appreciate it, because it's a privilege. Some men would dream of what you have. That is how I read that.

[Asker]

@lualesca I appreciate the sentiment, but I really don't think he doesn't "appreciate it". He seems embarrassed that he can't "satisfy me" like that... but he does take excellent care of me... He is great listener and very compassionate... which is why I'm willing to stick around and still want him so much :/

[cavmanier]

How would physical stamina be the issue? Most guys do not want to have 3 orgasms in a night, especially consistently.

[Asker]

Lol it only happened 3x in a row once... this is not the regular at all. I only said that so people would know that it's not because I don't satisfy him and post shit like "maybe he doesn't find you sexually appealing".

[cavmanier]

I understand. Yeah he probably just wants sex less than you. I do think attraction can affect that desire, but he probably just wants it less often than you. How often do you want sex?

[Asker]

Like, every other day. Lol

[ShortCircuit]

Next time, don't make him cum 3 times. It's not normal for a male to have multiple orgasms per session. 3 orgasms is not "once a day" - for a guy, that's like having sex 3 times a day.

We are only supposed to cum once, so if that were the case, I'm sure he could have sex once a day.

[Asker]

So can I ask about that, then? I'm a female, so I guess orgasms are different? When I have 3 orgasms in one session, I want more? Like, I obsessively want more when he makes me climax multiple times. I thought he'd feel the same? I guess I was wrong?

[ShortCircuit]

Yeah. Way off. For a guy, after one orgasm, it's not only unpleasant to continue, but it hurts like hell. For most guys, cumming 3 times in 24 hours is physically IMPOSSIBLE - i wonder how he even did it.

[Asker]

Yeah, I'll have to ask him. He hasn't complained about any pain. I asked him how many times he came, and he said he thought he did 3-4? Anyway, we don't go that hard all the time... just last time. It was a new position. I'll keep that in mind, though...

[zl00pedragl0ver]

I have a maximum of 4 times in one day. First a lot but after that smaller and smaller amounts. I was in my teens and I was super horny. Nowadays in my 40s I could cum twice in an hour but not four times like I did when I was younger. That is PAINFUL !!

[Cosytoasty]

Working out =/= sexual stamina. There isn't much you can do about that, sex drive is different for different people.

What you can try and do is encourage/teach him to satisfy you without him reaching climax for longer, there is a lot more to sex than penetration.

[Asker]

Like indulging in foreplay? I'd be okay with that :) I might suggest it to him... thanks!

[supernerd99]

by describing his lifestyle i think she means actual stamina. i bet after a few thrusts or some jogging and he'll be left out of breath if he never trained ever... .

[Asker]

@supernerd99 No, we can both climax. I just want to have sex more than once a week...

[UnderlyDedicated]

Tell him to exercise. I'm fit my girl is getting there. At first sex was good but then she couldn't do certain positions. Or she'd get tired. I told her to come with me to the gym and she has. Now it's waaay better. If he cares he'll want to improve himself for you. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy soul, happy life.

[Bananaman177]

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[Asker]

His sex drive isn't the issue... he used to masturbate every day...

[Bananaman177]

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[Sophisticated_Sonic]

get that man to the cartio room!! push to have him go to the gym and tell him it will help in the long run
also, maybe you should slow down a bit. sex is a two person thing. try going a little slower for him

[zl00pedragl0ver]

Perhaps if you watched an erotic movie together, maybe a sexual game. What about wanking together?
Just trying to be helpful.
My missus and I have our own issues.

[Asker]

Good ideas 👍🏻 Will keep in my back pocket...

[genericname85]

send him to the freaking gym xD if his drive is strong enough it´s just a matter of training. if his drive is weaker, you´re fucked xD

[FatherJack]

It's normally the woman that complains the man wants sex way too much , this is a rare situation. sounds like he may be deficient in daily nutrition and /or stressed in some way , stress can kill even a typically strong male sex drive.

[Asker]

No, it's not that his "drive" is lower... it's his stamina...

[DiegoO]

You can´t change the way he is. He is an introvert, a gamer, he loves junk food, however you can give him a reason to change, let him know you are worried for his health, and that it means everything for you to live a healthy life at his side. I am sure if he do those changes he will feel much better and you´ll be more satisfye in various aspects.

[CaliSoccerGuy]

Damn... i think the only thing that can be done is for him to change his ways!
He needs to change his diet, change his lifestyle choices, and learn to sexually satisfy you.

Heavens.. I'd love a girl with your stamina (and appearance!)
I've been the one who most girls i've been with can't keep up

[Adigelunar]

talk to him

[Joshuafirestar]

Here's the thing, guys can only have sex every 30 mins to 1 hour and a lot of sex can get boring so maybe he just wants a break for now or for you to cut down on it

[bruce3]

just tell him

[skeptic002]

it depends on the guy
and also hun after 3 shots im done for a while you got about 1 to 2 hours with me then I need a break

[supernerd99]

lol i wonder how you two even ended up together. well compromises happen both ways, if he has to increase the times he has you should decrease the times you ask for it. 3 times in a night was exageration.. .

[supernerd99]

certainly stamina is something that can increase but with some miniscule effort dont expect him to reach your level that you train your whole life. also you can't force him if he hates or is too lazy for exercise. does he do anything else in his life? or its one of these puppy relationships that break up when the woman matures, is bored of him being unmotivated and doesn't overlook it anymore, and seeks someone more accomplished?

[Asker]

No. I literally made him cum 3 times, lol... it was a good night. Yeah, we're an odd pair... but we share similar backgrounds...

[supernerd99]

sounds more like a codependency thing but i hope i'm wrong... . and the backgroud thing certainly played role in you becoming a couple.

[Asker]

No, I'll be honest. It's probably a codependency. We'll find out how well it turns out in the end. We get along really well :/

[Asker]

For the most part, I accept him for who he is. He's a gamer. I get that. I kinda like how we don't have to do everything together. I'm just wondering how things will turn out in the long run... but honestly, we let the other person live their own life. This is literally the only thing we argue about...

[supernerd99]

didn't want to hurt you. sorry. indiscreet of me.

[Asker]

It's okay... I appreciate your honesty and concern, though :/

[supernerd99]

well yeah i eman couples should have some common things at least as values, life goals and coscmotheory is concerned. you talked about none of these things. also living complely parallel lives and meeting only in the bedroom i think is not a relationship but just being room mates. sorry for my deductions it could be nonsense. i dont know you two.

[supernerd99]

i didn't want to instill the parasite of doubt in your soul. to comfort you i'll tell you i'm probably subconsciously jealous because an alpha girl gave him the time of the day and loved him for who he is. my wife is very timid and while i love her, some times it can be very off putting... .

[Asker]

Well, like I said... I appreciate your honesty. I tend to fall into codependency a lot... probably because I don't exactly understand what they are... so it scares me when someone suggests I am in one. And I appreciate the compliment... but to be honest, I am a pain in the ass. Count your blessings. Most guys can't handle me :/ I'm too fucking difficult.

[Asker]

I don't want to lead to the illusion that we're nothing but fuck buddies, though... We do spend time together. We hang with friends. We played Pictionary the other day. We baked cookies and drove to the city. We just... only argue about sex.

[supernerd99]

yeah i adore her for who she is. right now, i wouldn't change her for noone else... .

[Asker]

That's awesome to hear. I would love to be independent and be able to have an interdependent relationship... but honestly, I find people without damage very off-putting...

[supernerd99]

yeah sounds like some kind of fetish or fixation. well i guess him being an introverted nerd like that has to do with a hard past. but i also bet you have true feeling for each other. good luck to you two.

[MissSakura]

talk to him

[kickme]

I am available to help if you like?

[Kevin11231999]

I think it's a great idea to have him exercise with you. Nymphomaniacs are awesome lol

[Anonymous]

Yea, he needs to work outand do cardio, like you do. This eill improve his stamina, but it may take a while. He will resist at first so dont push him too hard. You need to find a way to make it fun for him. Otherwise he will quit. Also get him to eat healthier as well.