He Can't or Won't Finish

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. We've known each other for 4 years. There are times where I can hold his member in my hand and he doesn't get turned on. Other times it does. This isn't as big of a concern as the fact that it seems to get harder and harder to get him to cum. He will stay erect the entire time but he just gets too hot and sweaty without finishing. He usually ends up flopping over after 20 minutes of going at it and saying he can't continue because it's just too hot. I know he's not lying about that 'cause he will be dripping in sweat. I just take it personally when he won't finish. Any ideas or suggestions as to what is going on here?
Updates:
+1 y
We do have great sex mixing up positions, using toys sometimes, using food, Role playing. He does moan and says he loves it. The really odd thing is that when we have sex more frequently he finishes a lot quicker but when we don't have sex for about.
+1 y
a week he takes a lot longer to finish or doesn't finish at all. He hasn't masturbated in a while (to my knowledge). I say this as we're always together unless we're at work. His work requires him to work with another guy constantly (He's a Spa Tech).
+1 y
He is about 5 lbs. overweight and yes he does need to get into shape because he's at a high altitude and gets winded walking up the stairs to our apartment. We have a heatlhy relationship full of love and balanced with disagreements.
+1 y
We took it slower and I didn't focus on him finishing and he was able to finish. We both did. Thanks everyone
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't believe that you should take this personally at all. The reasons could range from, age to basic biology. If he does orgasm with you at least 2- 3 times a week, erection, or ejaculation can be quite difficult. The Ali G sound alike, below (no offense intended) has a point, strangely enough. As a man gets older, that's is, late 20's to early 30s, it really is best to regulate ejaculations by having non-ejaculatory orgasms. If, for example, he only ejaculates once in a week, there shouldn't be any problem with erection, or further ejaculations, unless he's on finisteride- If this is the case, he should avoid ejaculation, all-together. The more ejaculations

    a man has, at a certain age, the more increasingly difficult it is to stay erect. Certain herbs can help with this, such as Maca.

    The sweat means he's working hard, and incidentally, if he is indeed working that hard, love making can't be that enjoyable for him anyway. That, again, is not your fault. Some cardio may be in order.

    I say, by all means, get a doctors opinion, the chlorine, or other chemicals from his job can't be a good thing for his health- but I think you'll find that his problem has nothing do to with any medical issue.

    Incidentally, Ali G has a point with the sperm loss. It is often stated by practitioners of tantra or Karezza that sperm is associated with our love sentiment. Loss of sperm creates loss of sentiment. There's an interesting article on Karezza- look up Sacred Texts, on-line- if your interested.

    Its really changed my love life, and my love making completely.

    Good luck

    • Lately we haven't been having sex a lot (once a week the past three times). He has no problem staying erect. It's just finishing. I suppose it's a situation that I will need to come from a place of understanding and patience. We will go see a doctor. In the meantime we will slow things down and enjoy it.

  • I agree, double check the doc. I used to have the same problem about not being able to finish. I wold go for about 45 minutes and not finish and there are rare times when I get so turned on, but I just can't seem to get erect. Talk to a doctor and than try different things with your partner. I learned to use other skills if a can't become erect and do try to not take it personally, the added pressure when he can't finish may make things worse. I couldn't finish until my Girlfriend and I finally said screw it and if I finished I finished, if not than oh well. seek a doctor and do your best to tell him its ok, for me it was a mental block with that pressure to finish.

    • This makes me feel better thank you so much. I was really starting to feel crazy here

    • Thats ok, my Girlfriend felt the same. at first she thought it was her fault or something. I bet he gets frustrated and angry when he can't finish right? just let him calm down and just be happy you have a guy that can go 20 minutes...after my Girlfriend and I fixed that problem for me I am happy if I go for 7 minutes now haha

    • I'm the one who gets frustrated and angry about it. He tells me not to worry and that he loves me. He says it's not me and that it's him. Poor guy always gets so sweaty that he's drenched. I guess it's tough because when we first were together he didn't have such a big problem cumming.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe do some research get tips on some techinques or new ways to add spicy to the bedroom and surprise him with them. The sex may be boring or the same each time for him so its not exciting anymore and that's okay. Its happens especially after being together for awhile. Find new ways to get him turned on.as for the rest for him not going.

    Does he masturbate alot? If he does this could be the issue.

    Dont take it personally it may just be him that can't go and that's not your fault. Maybe getting a fan and turning on so cool him off will help him to go longer or maybe doing it more then one time

  • Well try to have sex that is much more personal and less fast so he doesn't get wore out. just have nice slow sex. that should build up his feelings for it. and enjoy it a whole lot. then get faster and harder or how ever after a little while of going at it slow and steady. he probably just needs the true emotional and slow intense feeling insted of just screwing fast and hard. you can also take over on top to help him cool down. doggy is also a easy way to work him out a little less. missionary is actually a hard possition to have sex in for a very long time. because you get worked up a lot.

  • that is odd that the more he goes the quicker. I guess just don't slack off.hahaha

    I don't know how an answer or suggests on this. I have never heard of anyting like this.

    • Not to sound like a slut but I've been with many guys and this has never happened to me before. I got so discouraged I talked to an ex of mine that is still a close friend and asked him if I was terrible in bed. He said, you're the best I've had (he's been with a lot of girls). So it's just baffling.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Here's what I have found, first of all a guy can come with in the first minute or so but he soesn't want to look silly because as I am guessing. you did not orgasam yet. Therefore he starts exerting more energy for the sake of you and getting you off that his slightl- y out of shapeness takes over. He sweats, his muscles start to cramp and hence his orgasam is gone. My advice .YOU NEED TO FAKE AN ORGASAM - in the beginning of the act. Men are very visual so really go off and bang there he'll go!

    I don't get off easily and have foubd in past experiences men will hold off until they know I am finished, - this bever happens- it becomes something they work for, to get you off and hell try to go and go and go next thing you know - your sore and can't walk for the rest of the night and his penis is chaffed for the next few days.

    Good luck keep us posted!

    • I'm not going to fake an orgasm. Not only that but I usually come anyhow. I'm one of the few women out there that can come having sexual intercourse. Thanks for trying though

    • You lucky girl.... question are you guys using condoms. A few boyfriends ago the guy purchased trojan condoms.... he would last way to long and often not cum, his penis would get soft and neither of us could figure it out. Turns out we did a little research on the trojans and there is a numbing agent in the lubrication.... once we got rid of the trojans problem solved. FYI - I do not know what other brands if any or possibly specialty condoms contain this ingredient. good luck

  • Can he jerk off okay? Like without getting all hot and sweaty and too tired to continue?

  • I don't feel cardio is necessarily the problem if he is overheating. I'm in pretty good shape myself and if my body starts to warm up, certain functions shut down. The body is trying to keep from cooking and if sweating isn't doing it, then shutting down the little guy seems to work.

    You can try to use fans, which helps, or do positions that doesn't require a lot of skin-skin contact. If you get cold by the fans, then use blankets, or pillows to shield the side closest to the fan. This way the air will still hit him.

    If he drinks ice water, this will keep him hydrated allowing him to possibly last a bit longer and may drop his core temperature a bit. You could try other areas, like a shower or pool. Lakes and oceans aren't that good they aren't that clean there. The feeling is a bit different in a pool and there's a lot less feeling. Showers are better but you might get cold.

  • It could either be a lot of things, or a whole lot of things, depending on how old he is.

    It's probably time for a trick to the doc.

    • He's 25

    • Send him to the doc. It could be a million things. Really.

    • Ok I will

  • google: "wisdom of penis"

    this will probably answer all of your questions

    • In quotes like that? Because I'm only getting 4 results and they aren't very useful. Without quotes I get a ton of stuff and I don't know which one you mean.

    • link

      look at chapter 3: Wisdom of Penis

      i've read this book, it's a great read for understanding males! :D

    • Thanks, that's interesting.

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