Sexual Health
+1 y

He forced me to have sex with him...

I'm 17 and my boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. throughout most of our relationship he always said that it was my decision and that he would wait until I'm ready to have sex, since I was a virgin. but over the past several month he has tried to pressure me into it. but I just wasn't ready for it. and then last night I was over at his house, and we were in his room sitting on his bed making out. and he kept trying to unbutton my pants while we were kissing. I told him to stop at first, but after he kept trying he convinced my to just take off my pants and shirt. so that I would still be in my bra and underwear. he said that we weren't going to do anything more than that, we would just be making out. he said that it would be sexy. I didn't really want to do that either, but he sort of pressured me into it. but then he started to take off my underwear. I told him to stop, but he just kept asking me if I loved him or not. I told him that I did love him, but I didn't want this yet. this went on for a while. until he just took off his boxers and then he took off my underwear before I could stop him. I told him I didn't want to but then he kissed me gently and said that it was going to be okay. then before I could say anything else he... well, I think you get it. throughout the whole thing, I was so uncomfortable with it all. I didn't want that yet. and after it was over he eventually dropped me off at my house and kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me. I didn't get any sleep that night because I felt so awful, but I am so confused because I do love my boyfriend and I feel like it should have been something we both thought was special. and I feel kinda guilty that I don't feel that way. and today at school he kept trying to hug and kiss me, but I just didn't want to see him very much today, and I was trying my best to avoid him all day. and I feel kinda bad about that. I am so confused! am I a horrible girlfriend for acting this way?
Updates:
+1 y
i want to say thank you to everybody who took the time to answer this. all your support was much needed, and I appreciate it very much. I didn't want to admit that this was a form of rape...but after reading all these answers and thinking about it a lot, I have come to realize that is exactly what it was. rape. I dumped him, and told him that what happened that night was not okay, and I do not want to have any sort of relationship with him any longer.
+1 y
i avoid him at school, and deleted his number. no contact. my friends help let me know when he's around so that I can avoid him. they don't necessarily know what happened, but they know we broke up, and that I don't what to have contact with him. I'm still upset about what happened and I think I will be for awhile, but at first I felt like I was the one who was being horrible and that I deserved to feel as awful as I was feeling. but I understand now that HE was the one that was wrong.
+1 y
thank you to all of you who helped me realize that. you have all helped me through this more than you know. thank you oh so much! :)
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • . you were thinking he loves you and he'd never take advantage of that but he did. you should break up with him immediately and not go back to him because he's not a good guy obviously and didn't cherish you or your first time or your feelings for him or what you two have together... he wanted sex and he got it and now you feel terrible because you know you should have stood up and left when he started pressuring you to do things you didn't want to do(hind sight is always 20/20) and now you regret putting yourself in that position when everything in your head was screaming I DONT WANT TO DO THIS because you had feelings for him and you didn't want to hurt his feelings and it was all going so fast and you didn't think he'd do that.. that's what date rape victims do...i'm sorry this happened to you.

  • He raped you, and he used "love" as an excuse because he knew that's what would get you confused enough for him to take advantage of you. Sex is not love, sex does not affirm love. Love affirms love.

    You were raped, and I'm so sorry. Don't let him get away with it, show him who is in control and leave him, otherwise I can guarantee you that he will continue to take advantage of you.

    Be like him, don't take no for an answer and just leave him. There is no question about it, you need to leave him as soon as possible. It will be hard, it will be painful, and you will be hurt, but at lease you won't be raped continuously by a person who feels that his wants are more important than your personal beliefs.

  • Under no circumstance should you have been forced to do something that you feel uncomfortable doing. He was wrong to assume that having sex is the only way to show affection. I believe that he used you for sex last night and if he really loved you, he would have respected your wishes. This is not a matter of love, but a matter of respect. You are not a bad girlfriend, you are simply someone who is trying to process a bad experience through automatically blaming yourself. He victimized you and I would even begin to consider if he even loves you. Best of Luck

    Karina

    • nice answer, I agree with you.

    • thank you. I am so sorry that this happened to you...

Most Helpful Guys

  • This happened to me my first time... Saving you the details, it was traumatic. Even though in the end I didn't even realize what was happening and I did not PUSH her off, I felt awful afterward and I never really wanted it.

    That's rape. I wasn't with her as long as you were with your boyfriend, so it was not as difficult to realize because I didn't have certain feelings to create ambivalence. I don't think SHE realized it was rape; she was just being selfish.

    I'm sorry that happened to you. But you would probably be better off without him.

  • You, my friend, are now a rape victum. It was certainly not right for him to do that and you aren't a bad girlfriend at all. You just chose a horrible boyfriend.

    ~Distant

    • I do not think that. She was conflicted with what she felt and what she thought needed be done. She could have stopped him properly, but she didn't. Just my pov.

    • I agree with you on some degree, Moloz. It's just that if he's forcing her by making her feel obliged and not waiting for a complete 'Yes' then I would consider it a form of sexual assault. He's exploiting her indecision even though it wasn't the traditional "rape" situation per se. ~Distant

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Girls, do you have sex drive?
I just want to get fucked! How to get a guy to approach you/notice you at a party?
Are you mentally ill or mentally healthy, and is it difficult or easy for you to orgasm during masturbation?
If a guy told you he could cum farther than he can pee, what would be your reaction?

What Girls & Guys Said

3 8

  • he just got what he wanted but still for me it's still rape..he just used your feelings as leverage to have you give in..if he really loves you he could have respected that and he could have jacked it off but instead he forced you..never have sex with a guy if he asks you to do it specially if your not yet ready or sure about the idea..believe me this guy is not worth keeping after he is used with you he jump on the next new boat the comes along

  • It makes me really happy to hear that you took charge. Good for you! :D

  • This is the type of guy you want nothing to do with. Stop mentioning "love", because in this case, love is an excuse. He used it as an excuse for rape.

    I'm sorry you had to go through this. The only reason it happened was because you were the innocent girl and he was the man. You couldn't stop him, no way. But you couldn't legitimately say "no" either, because you were convinced this was "love".

    • OMG, Congratulations! You stepped up, and for what it's worth, I'm proud of you!

  • What a douche. You shouldn't have fell for the" Do you love me?" card though. You should have spat it right back at him. Selfish on his part. You guys have issues. mainly him with respect for body.

  • Drop him and call the cops and report it, that was rape and he used love as an excuse, don't let him get away with this and continue to take advantage of you.

  • Yay, date rape!

  • good for you.

  • that's rape.

  • You go girl :)! I'm so happy you got rid of him <3

  • I STRONGLY recomend dropping him.

    if that's not what you want, at least talk to him about what he did, tell him how much trouble you've been through and how it makes you feel. Make him feel like a piece of sh*t and bring him to tears.

    If you still want to be with him, make it known that that WILL not happen again or you WILL call the police (and you better). let him know that maybe you might be ready for it, but if he ever tries that sh*t again...

    Guys hate guys who do this, tell any guy friends of yours/ his if you get any trouble from him about it.

    • the word StrOnGly in caps really does give StrOnG expressions...

    • thanks :D sarcasm desu ka?

    • iya, chigau. lol I do speak in Japanese, broken one that is..

    • Show All

  • you are asking th wrong ques. it ain't if you are a horrible girlfriend but if he is a horrible boyfriend. sex should be consensual, he shouldn't just take it when you say no. it sounds like rape to me but you are too in love to see that. and it was your first time so he should have made sure it was special for you and that you were really ready instead of pressuring you.

    if you stay with him, you have to let him know how you feel and tell him that what he did was not ok.

Latest Questions

How do I give oral sex without looking like a whore?
Unfortunately what's your unpopular opinion?
What’s the worst name for your genitals?
Why do guys hook up with attractive women?
Home >  Sexual Health  > He forced me to have sex with him...