He goes soft quick, is it me?

I give him oral sex for about 20 minutes and he loves it but when we get to having sex and move to get in the right position, he goes soft. I have to give him head just to get hard to put the condom on. After that he usually doesn't last too long. When we go a second round he's soft and it takes me a couple of minutes giving him head to get hard. But tonight after I did that and he went to go in, he went in for a mili second then went soft. Is it me? Is he not attracted to me physically? I'm not usually completely naked (tonight I kept a v-neck shirt on. I have thick thighs and a butt but a small little tummy that sticks out a little bit. I run daily so my body isn't fat, just "thick" and athletic if that makes sense.
Updates:
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BTW, I've had a boyfriend have erectile dysfunction before so I always act like its no big deal. However, its just so unusual that he gets soft so quickly and so much.
+1 y
Also he always says how good my stuff is down there during. But I know that guys sometimes say whatever during sex to boost the girls confidence.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • My guess is that if he doesn't last long, he's probably stressing himself out worrying about it. Stress is a boner killer. Plus he's probably worried about going soft again too. It's a vicious cycle.

    Try to get him to really relax. I'm talking about a ton of foreplay, then a massage, then more foreplay. Maybe even forget sex for a while... Kind of tease him in the good way so he'll be raring to go after a while. If he's into it, maybe even do like blindfolded massage, where he can't see what you're up to. Just touch him all over, go slow, jerk him off a bit, give him head, and see if he can maintain an erection for a while that way. If that works then it's just the pressure to perform that's messing everything up. When he's blindfolded, you could even get him hard, put a condom on, and climb on top of him without him knowing what's happening, which would keep his mind relaxed. Just go slower, and prove to him that he's not under any pressure.

    • Also even if it's not a medical thing, it can be a side effect of his health, diet, activity level, etc. read up on it, and se if maybe he should be worried about any bigger health concerns, and if so, encourage him to treat himself better.

  • The problem is HIM, not you. This type of problem is ALWAYS the guy's issue, and not about how you look or how he feels about you.

    Some guys get nervous with new partners, or go through a period of heavy stress/anxiety and have performance problems. And some guys simply wilt anytime they have to use a condom.

    The only thing you can do is help him relax, take the pressure off of him as best as you can, and if he's got stress in his life, help him with that if you can. Oh, and if he's on SSRIs (depression meds) or certain other meds, it can be the meds causing this problem, and he can have his doctor switch him to something similar that doesn't have this side effect.

    • What this guy said +1.

    • Actually the condom part may be the issue. He ALWAYS wants me to put it on. At first I thought it was just his thing but now that seems abnormal. We had sex once without a condom (bad choice, I know) and he was fine. Thanks!

    • This happens to me some times, I dont care no more, I dont have sex without some magic help now. Sex is much much better with it. He can take this a few times and then stop taking this and try to have sex.. he won't have any anxiety. My friend advised me to try magic help (V or C), and he told me "Just Google for this keyword * GET247CLS * to find them. Worth being super alpha.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Many times the condom is the problem. Seems to be a distraction putting it on and the feeling of it on certain guys. Go for it bareback and see what happens when you whisper to him to put his bare penis in your hole.

  • If its something beyond his control then this has nothing to do with his physical attraction to you and could be erecticle dysfunction.

    link

    • We've never talked about it before so that's why I'm not sure if its just me or he has erectile dysfunction. Thanks for your answer!

    • Trust me, its not abnormal for him to go down so much. Some guys would ed can't even get an erection. He compliments you because he is enjoying it. Don't put too much pleasure on him it can make him insecure.

    • Np. But its kind of something that's a bit awkward to talk about, you know? If he continues this over and over then he most likely has ed. If this happens once in a blue moon then I wouldn't look into it too much. Glad I could help <333

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Having read all these answers, I bring a slightly different slant: have him see a urologist. If there's something amiss, a urologist can usually find it. If everything is okay, he should get a prescription for Cialis. Works in 20 minutes and lass 36 hours. Very likely once he has a track record of success, he won't need it anymore.

    • I agree with this. If he's having THAT much trouble keeping it up, it's time to seek medical advice.

  • I don't think that you will not appeal attractive to him. From whatever description you have given, you may not be a super hot babe but unattractive - Nah!

    Perhaps he is not confident or just nervous whether he would make it right in bed with you. When I started I too had fears whether I will make her satisfy or not and I had the same 'going soft' problem. Boost his confidence by showing that you are enjoying things, after sometime when his nervousness will go, he will sure show you great time in bed.

  • It's not you, it's 100% him. He has a problem. It seems that he can't get it up or stay hard for too long (hardly at all from what I've read). He either has masturbated too much or has erectile dysfunction.

    • It possibly could be the condom also.

  • Guys need the visual aspect. Not just the feeling. Get naked stupid you're making it difficult for him.

  • Maybe ... there is some kind of dysfunction there =(

    • A dysfunction with me though?

    • He means with the guy.

    • Hard to say ? Maybe you could try some sexy nighties or lingerie ? Asking him or putting him on the spot won't help this situation ... If he never gets off, you might have another problem on your hands, but I don't want to scare you =(

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  • it happens sometimes. It'll only get better :)

  • probably just gets nervous. encourage him and act like its no big deal

  • N I have to tell you one more thing ,i don't have erecticle dysfunction,you just do one thing don't run behind of him, you just act like you don't know anything about sex,then he will come to track,i can only tellu you the solution for this problem,bcoz I have faced that before.

  • Hey I have already experienced that, its only bcoz of she's not attracted me physically.n in my mind I was thinking about something else, not about sex .

  • He wants to be with you , but he is just not cometely comfortable yet. Its actually probably because he likes you A LOT. Sounds like you are accepting and understanding, which is good. Ed meds will help him. Sounds like you know younger guys can have ed too

    Talk to him openly about it. Acknowledging it in the first place is the start. It has nothing to do with you.