Sexual Health
+1 y

He loses his erections: is it me?

The guy I've been seeing can never keep an erection (we're both 19). It seems he can get one but when it comes down to it he'll lose it and it's making me feel like it's me, like he isn't sexually attracted to me. Another issue is, he has issues with climaxing, I can never recall getting him to that point. I'd like to say it's a possibility due to the fact he watches porn and masturbates daily. I'm only open to this fact because on two occasions he's had to pull up porn and even then couldn't climax. I feel bad because I know he's getting frustrated but I'm not sure what to do to help. I need advice/opinions on this matter.
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • There may be one or more reasons for it. I can figure out some of them. First of all him tell his penis is beautiful and special. watching porn or masturbation may not be the cause of this problem.
    (1). He is nervous. - The pressure of wanting to get hard, stay hard, and satisfy you as partner can make it difficult to get hard in the first place. In cases like these, it is as simple as taking your time and letting his sex drive kick into high gear.
    (2). He is drunk. Drinking delays reactions and mutes nerves, so his penis will not get excited the way it is supposed to. Alcohol is a depressant, and when his penis gets sad, it does not want to get out of bed.
    (3). He is overweight. Excess weight causes circulation problems and damages the blood vessels, so blood has a harder time getting to the penis to keep it hard.
    (4). He actually has a physiological problem. Heart disease, diabetes, multiple sclerosis: Any of these, among other diseases, can block the nerve impulses that get him aroused.
    (5). He smokes. Smoking can impact circulation and constrict the blood vessels.
    (6). He has low testosterone. Testosterone levels naturally drop off with age, causing guys to grow less body hair and have trouble getting erections, among other things. Luckily, this one can be easily fixed with supplements.
    (7). He is on some sort of medication. Prescription drugs are physiological wild cards. Depending on the medication that he might be taking, if they impact testosterone level they can lower his sex drive. They can also affect energy level and make him drowsy.
    (8). He s stressed. Unpaid bills, a douche boss, or relationship problems can also make it tough for a guy to get hard. That is the nature of anxiety. Men can have these 'what if' moments that are compounding the real issue. Even after the main problem is discovered and corrected, it may take some time to get back to business as usual.

    • This is a great, thorough list, to which I'll add one more possibility: a subconscious fear of getting you pregnant. Make sure that reliable birth control is in place and that he's comfortable with it.

  • Its crazy how similar this is for me. My boyfriend at the time (Now he's my husband) had the same issue. We were also 19. We had sex 1 time our first time and it was prefect. After that he couldn't keep it up. 3 months he couldnt keep it up. It was such a struggle. He was even able to cum when he was soft as I kept trying to stimulate him. Very strange. He never knew what the cause was. The only thing is he didn't watch any porn. We didn't have the internet or a phone at that point. We were already living together. So after 3 months he has a time when he doesn't get completely soft. He's not fully hard but we were able to finish. A month later I find out Im pregant. After i found that out he didn't have that issue again for 3 years. It had to have been nervousness. I was his first. Maybe he was under stress. I don't know.
    Then his schooling and work was really stressful so ed came back. It wasn't everytime but it was difficult. For the past 4 years he hasn't had a problem.
    I dont know every detail of your relationship to start coming up with reasons but stress is the most common cause of ed.

  • I dated a guy who went soft while we were having sex and he said he had a porn addiction. Real sex is a much different sensation that porn. With porn you can click on a bunch of different videos and keep being stimulated in different ways that a person cannot replicate. He has had this problem for years. It started with not being able to stay hard during sex and eventually he couldn't stay hard for porn either. There are TED talks about it and all kinds of stuff. There are actually a lot of guys who deal with it and don't speak up about it. He had to stop watching porn completely to be able to fix the problem.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Could very well be the porn. Could also be medication if he takes any. And could be poor health.

    Here is what can help:

    He should jerk off without porn, without fantasizing. He is only allowed to feel what it feels like and try to make it feel good. That will put him back in touch with his dick, to an extent. I'm not saying he can never use porn (I wouldn't know), but he should do this no-porn-no-fantasizing thing now and then.

    He should also be focused on enjoying sex, rather than on performing. He should be focused on what it feels like for him, i. e. the opposite of numb.

    He should do strength training. CrossFit or calisthenics. Not bodybuilding, not injecting stuff. Just building a strong body. That raises testosterone = better erections.

    He should eat healthier. That means less sugar and white bread. More greens and healthy proteins (e. g. fatty fish and lean meat).

    Drink plenty of water.

    And GET HIS SLEEP.

    And you should have morning sex. Men's testosterone peaks between 6-9 a. m. Good time for gentle sex.

    For vigorous sex, do that between 3-6 p. m where lung and cardiovascular performance peaks.

    Good luck!

  • This is a common question on GaG. Don't feel bad, it's not you. Are you his first? He could just be anxious about disappointing you, and he may be dealing with some hidden negative attitudes about sex. Every time he can't sustain it's reinforced. I'm not an expert on sexual dysfunction, but here's an idea: 1. He should stop masturbating alone to increase the pressure for to ejaculate. 2. Instead of intercourse, you should just stroke him with your hands or maybe your mouth. Don't worry about whether he climaxes, just get him used to being erect with you. He can masturbate with you in bed next to him. Then he can satisfy you by hand or mouth, or you can masturbate together. This should get him relaxed enough to be able to enjoy intercourse.

    • We see each other's firsts and I do use my mouth, but when i do it takes ages and he never climaxes... Then again it's probably because he doesn't like bj's either. I end up feeling bad because he can get me off but I can't return the favor.

    • I like your brains.

    • Don't feel bad, lots of guys can't climax from a BJ. Ultimately it's up to him to figure out what works for him. Good luck.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

3 42

  • You should never blame yourself, there can be many reasons behind it. Your question is kinda vague. My husband had the same issue for a while with me and I thought is was me and I felt awful. We eventually worked out the cause and now everything is back to normal. I hope you find your answer and things are back to normal for you as well.

  • Watching porn can be part of the problem... If you can make him avoid porn because each time he is have sex with you he thinks he is have porn sex. Also help him to stop masturbation or reduce the rate at which he masturbate. And when next you guys when to have sex, don't let him in to soon, you guys should practice the act of long kissing and romance until he is erect and sometime if he can discharge without getting into you then that will be nice... Then you can continue with the romance again and when he is erect this time let him in.

  • There are tons of reasons he could experience erectile dysfunction. Only way to know really is to talk to a doctor about it and see what they can find out. Most of the time it's mental problems with intimacy, as far as I'm aware.

  • Porn can have a major impact in this area. Too much porn and masturbation can result in the inherent need to use it to achieve orgasm. It is no longer able to reach the points for more realistic acts. Diet, exercise, and hormone levels can also play a role. Rule out any medical issues before looking at the psychosocial issues (reference porn, performance anxiety, etc). Have you talked to him about it? Regardless of what it is, rest assured it is not you.

  • He may be masturbating too much, which can prevent him from maintaining an erection when he has vaginal sex (since he is so used to getting an erection and cumming via masturbation).

Show More(40)

Related Questions

Girls, do you have sex drive?
I just want to get fucked! How to get a guy to approach you/notice you at a party?
Are you mentally ill or mentally healthy, and is it difficult or easy for you to orgasm during masturbation?
If a guy told you he could cum farther than he can pee, what would be your reaction?
Home >  Sexual Health  > He loses his erections: is it me?