He thinks it's sexy when I touch myself, I can't do it?

I am 20 years old, and I love to have sex/ please my boyfriend. I have been under immense emotional stress bringing about self consciousness, eating disorders, constant comparisons of my body to other women's bodies. Lately, during sex, he has been begging me to finger myself or just place my hands where he wants them. I am just getting comfortable with rubbing my Clit because I know he likes it and I have found a way to make it feel good. I have never known how to get myself off, I just can't do it. Why do you think masturbation is so weird for me? Is that normal? Do you think my psyche is screwing around with my usually sexually deviant nature? How can I change this? How can I get.comfortable with masturbation alone, let alone with my boyfriend? Or should I let him "teach" me like he seems to be trying? I told him it makes me feel uncomfortable..
Updates:
+1 y
Okay. To make this clear: I want to be comfortable with it! I ALWAYS have! It is a part.of a fantasy I.have..
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Before you can be comfortable doing it in front of him you have to be comfortable doing it by yourself. Don't rush through these steps, otherwise the self confidence will never come.

    When you're alone:

    (These can be done all in one go, though I'd reccomend spreading it out and taking it at your own pace. If you didn't quite get comfortable with one thing, do that again the next day and keep repeating it until you are.)

    Firstly just place your hand on the sensitive areas and leave it there. Get used to the idea that you're touching yourself.

    Next just rub gently, move your hand around a little. Not trying to orgasm, just get used to the feeling.

    Find the most sensitive spot. You may know where this is already and rub it gently. Personally I like one finger moving in circles but find your own style.

    Repeat this until you go through to an orgasm. Once your comfortable with this, masturbate whilst imagining your partner is there watching you.

    You may also want to try inserting a finger or two inside yourself, just to get used to the feeling.

    Once you're 100% (or about 97%!) comfortable with this, then consider doing it in front of your partner. But again, take it slow.

    Whilst you're together occasionally touch yourself then move your hand away again. Take it at your pace though, not his.

    And have fun!

  • Lesson/rule #1: Never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable even if it is your boyfriend who is asking you to do it- this applies to a lot of things in life but especially sexual stuff. You have your whole life ahead of you to try new things- if you're too sexual too early you can't take it back and you may regret it later. Don't force yourself to be comfortable with something you obviously aren't. Easier said than done but tell your boyfriend that if he keeps pressuring you it's over. Do you do anything with your boyfriend besides have sex like go out on dates?

    • Of course! We LIVE together. We go to movies and out for dinner and dancing. He told me.that someday I will be his wife. The thing is I want to be comfortable with it. I always have. I just do not get why I am not.

  • It is definitely your brain getting in the way.

    I personally LOVE putting on a show for my guy. I was the one to bring it up. His reactions fuel that.

    Practice more when you are alone. Nobody is there so you can do it all you want. Use that fantasy to motivate you.

Most Helpful Guys

  • There's nothing wrong with pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone, especially if it's something that you want to do. Be very patient with yourself, but don't sanctify your psychological hangups. If something is standing in the way of your enjoyment, knock it down.

    I really like it when a woman helps me help her. Most women can't regularly orgasm with only penetration. Masturbating during sex is a great way to improve the odds. You can do it when his hands are busy, and you know exactly what you want at any given time, which gives you a lot of power over your own orgasm.

    If your boyfriend is like most men, he wants you to orgasm as often as possible. The selfless explanation for this is that he cares about you and wants you to be happy. The selfish explanation is that if you are having orgasms you will want more sex. Really it just means that if you have more orgasms everyone wins. Also, it's just really amazing to watch.

    Try watching videos of women getting themselves off. Girls Gone Wild has regular girls taking care of themselves. Take it slowly. Maybe try it with your hand on top of his or his hand on top of yours.

  • "Do you think my psyche is screwing around with my usually sexually deviant nature?" It's always this.

    "How can I change this?" The way you change anything: form new habits.

    Find some kind of way to make masturbation work for you. Maybe you want a vibrator instead of your hand. Maybe you need to make a date with yourself, with candles, wine, chocolate, a long bath, whatever works. Maybe a blindfold. Maybe the outdoors.

    *Something* will work. You like sex, you like feeling good. Once you hit on something that works, work it, and let it work you.

    Also, learn how to tie up and gag your psyche when it's getting in the way. When you feel it making sex worse instead of better, you have to allow your wiser self to tell your dumber self to STFU.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 3
  • Hmm? Maybe when he is rubbing you, you can kind of put your hand on top of his? I know its not you doing it but its in the same motion and if its for a while maybe you will get the courage/urge to do it yourself.

  • if you dnt like it don't do it... but think from your heart he is your boyrfriend... do what he want but be in limits... tell him to touch ... tell me you wil touch yourself but he should touch you and hav sex with u? you had sex with him?

    • Yes, I have sex with him. We live together... I want to! It just feels completely off and so weird.

  • I'd worry about this - you said " I have been under immense emotional stress bringing about self consciousness, eating disorders, constant comparisons of my body to other women's bodies " Who is putting you under stress? Who is making the comparisons? How healthy is your relationship if he is comparing you to other people?

    With all that going on in your head, touching a body maybe you dont like and he is 'comparing' isn't going to be easy.

    I'd ditch him and get someone who worships the ground you walk on then you'll have the confidence to try new stuff and make the earth move.

  • Teach you "try it on your own until you are comfortable don't let him pressure you if he loves you he will understand

  • I'm unsure of my answer

  • If you are in a sexual relationship that is satisfying to both of you, he should step back and enjoy what he has.

    For me, fully satisfying would be vaginal intercourse and include.hand+oral sex given and received. What more does a man need?

  • Yh , I know it could be difficult . You would learn it . Try it alone . Ask for tips on the internet with doctors . It helps !