He wants to skinny dip and bath it up?

[Anonymous]

i like this guy a lot and he does oto. we both are abstinent. we aren't going out yet and have known each other for 3 years, but have been really hanging out for 2 months. Yet he brought up taking a bath with me. I told him I would but I cant, then I told him baths always lead to sex. He then said it wouldn't happen, and he wouldn't take it from me. But still I think to myself no one can judge that because of course it could be in the "moment". Then I told him it would be wrong and he said " I don't think so, as long as we don't "engage". I explained to him, your a guy of course you don't think its wrong and I said I couldnt. So then he respected that and said alright no bath. But 20 min later he's like how about skinny dipping? I asked him why he even wanted a bath or to skinny dip or shower with me? he responded w/: because I never have. and I like you a lot and I think it would be fun. I already know that I won't do any of these unless we go out... so my question is why does he want to do these things with me. I mean I feel/know baths/skinny dipping/showers will obviously lead to sex. a person can say it won't be come on lets be realistic...do you think it would bother him if I told him I'd only do these things if we were in a relationship? or would that scare him...

[DoggyDude]

He wants to take your relationship furthur. You agreeing is a sign to him that he can.

Your right to worry and your very correct, whilst sex is not the necessary outcome of bathing together, the desire to bath with another person is always sexually motivated (unless he wants also to bath with his males friends on a one to one).

He might not be thinking sex, he might just want an experience that makes the two of you a couple as appose to friends who like each other.

Its perfectly fine to say you would only do such things in a relationship, however, be careful how you bring that up. It could be taken several different ways:

1) You want a relationship with him, and if you get it he can have a bath with you (progress the relationship)

2) You don't want a relationship wth him (as having a bath with someone is something you would do with someone your having a relationship with and that's not you)

3) Your looking to become a more serious couple.

To make it clear, first of all estabilish if you want to become a couple. Though, before that, establish what your mutual hopes and dreams are and decide whether you two are long term compatible.

Guys only get scared if they worry that:

1) This girl doesn't like me and I'm falling for her

2) This girl isn't sure about me and I reall like her

3) I've said something stupid and offended her

4) She's getting bored of me.

So, as long as you:

1) Tell him you like him and show it by not treating other guys as well (not flirting with other guys in same way)

2) Let him know that you see how great he is as a person (without sounding like there's a "but" to come after).

3) If he looks worried about something he's said, ask him what's up. If he has just said something stupid and offended you, say so but say its OK you know he didn't mean it (as long as there's a case for that).

4) Always be interested in what he has to say. If your not, change the topic.

So, in summary, yes he's looking to see what can happen with you two. Its not necessarily a bad thing but be careful.

[l-hedoniste]

There's an issue here not being discussed, namely: what kind of sex life may an abstinent couple have? There's some attraction there. Is there ANY way for you to express it?

The happy couples I see are the ones defining abstinence pretty loosely (i.e., anything but intercourse). I've done it, it works, and I'm not exactly the abstinent type. If you're in an honest relationship with your partner, your sexualites comes out eventually, and you need to figure out what to do with it.

Have that talk--not the bathing versus skinny-dipping talk, but the "we're not f*cking, so what will we do" talk. It's about time.

[dunc17]

It might scare him off with the whole "relationship" thing but he probably just wants to see you naked! If he cares about you like you think he does, he should respect your wishes and have normal dates or something. If he doesn't, then he's not gonna make the cut, no matter how much you might think you like each other. He possibly doesn't feel for you like you do for him. Hopefully this isn't the case. Hopefully he'll respect you and your wishes and just be cool without the whole naked situations because you're right, it will lead to sex...no matter what each of you will say. I know stuff happens no matter what you think you will do before you get in the situation. You'll do things you thought you'd never do! So don't let him talk you into it unless you for sure want to do it.

[Mrsmasterchief]

If your virginity is important to you and you don't want to give it up just yet then don't! Even If you like him a lot and your both abstinet he shouldn't be saying that anyway. Trust me even if you trust him he's ONLY saying it because he knows you like him a lot and will probably give in. He honestly knows deep down SOMETHING will happen "in the heat o the moment" but he want you to trust him and think it won't. That's why he's spoon feeding you that complete load of bullsh*t! If he gets you naked subconciously there will be no holding back. For the sake of what you believe...DON't!

[SCU2013]

well kudos for saying no and sticking to your guns lol. now he's saying he won't do anything but that's code for "i wanna get into your pants" so tell him straightup "look I'm not lookin to do anything unless I'm in a legit relationship" so if you 2 do go out then don't do something right away because if he gets it then bails, then your stuck lookin like a fool. but if he breaks up with you if you don't give it for a while he was a douche to begin with. so like set a time (if he asks you out) limit for how long you would want to wait while going out. hope this helps!

[cjwright79]

All I can say is that I find your integrity most commendable. You're a cool person. :D

[jackflynn7]

If you want to be abstinent from intercourse for marriage (at at least much later) commit to it together and stay with it. In the mean time, a hand job (both ways) in the bath or skinny-dipping can be a wonderful way to slake off desire but stay abstinent. You are not animals and this need not lead irresistibly to intercourse. If you do not want to slake your desire, do not stimulate is by getting undressed together.