Sexual Health
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Ho do I boost my boyfriends ego back? because I screwed up...

I was fooling around with my boyfriend. he has come to orgasm with me before, but I never have. I want to orgasm for him and us so that he will feel good and we can have that experience together. So I asked him playfully "would you ever use a vibrator on my jolly-rancher?" I thought he would laugh or something. but instead he got really upset and told me not to touch him and that he had to leave because I really hurt him, he later texted me that he needs to take his mind off our relationship for a while and that he will never forget what I did to him and how I hurt him and that he doesn't want to see me or get a text from me for a while. I feel horrible because I love this guy with all of my heart. he has made me feel so amazing but now he says that he will never be able to satisfy me like I want, which is not true! I don't even want that stupid vibrator. It kills me because I stop myself from orgasming. I want him to know how good he makes me feel and I want to fix his ego, I feel horrible. What can I do to make him feel better about himself and not hate me?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok, for an open minded answer:

    From his side- I see why it might shake him up. Guys have a strong need to know they are sexually competent and can pleasure a girl well. If a guy feels sub-par, second best, or not good enough, this could really take a toll on him. What was a joke to you could be taken as a subtle sign of "You aren't good enough to get me off" to him.

    From your side- You were only looking to spice things up, you wanted to let him experience you orgasm. You suggested the sex toy with no intention of saying he wasn't good enough. If anything, you were saying that you haven't been good enough and want to be better for him.

    Reality- despite what I said above in the "From his side" section, I'm NOT condoning his behavior. He overreacted waaaaaaaay too much. He seems to have insecurities that are compounding themselves in his head and causing him to react like this. Yes, guys might take some things to heart about their sexual performance because like I said we strive to be the best. But what he's doing? Come on man, get a grip. As for what you can do, you need to talk to him and tell him he's overreacting. Explain your side of the situation, but DON'T play the "Oh I'm so sorry" role because he's acting like a flower over this stuff. If he does give you another chance (even though you're not in the wrong here, and thus don't need to prove yourself for another "chance"), then try being extra creative and outgoing when you all have sex. Let him know that you think he's good enough, and that this situation isn't because he's lacking.

    But DON'T feed his insecurities by kissing up to him and babying him.

  • You didn't do anything wrong, and his reaction is way out of proportion to the issue. You offered a realistic solution to your problem, and you did it in a lighthearted way- nothing wrong with that at all.

    That said, it is important for me to feel that I am pleasing my woman- no, actually, driving her out of her mind! If you have difficulty with this, perhaps he is not taking enough time with you. Lots of women take a lot of time to really get into the mood and to really become aroused. Tell him you want him to romance you, take his slow, sweet time with you...candles, soft music, a long, slow massage... tease you, perhaps with the vibrator, until you are so crazy with desire that you beg for him. If that doesn't feed his ego, then he is hopeless! Don't let him penetrate you until you think you will lose your mind if you can't have him RIGHT NOW!

    At that point, he should be able to make you come, and it will be great for you both!

Most Helpful Girl

  • He got that upset because you jokingly asked him to use a vibrator?...either you're leaving something out or he is WAY too sensitive and overreacting..Just tell him you were kidding and you thought he would laugh, then say "nothing can compare to your d*ck baby, that's all I want" and hope he understands I guess.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 5

  • Wait, why is he even upset?

    • Because he thinks that he can't satisfy me and the fact that I asked that makes him feel like less of a man, and like I am asking to bring a third party into our sex life...

    • Well, HE would be the one using the vibrator on you :P So it's still his skill. But anyway, I kind of understand his point of view. It took a long time for my boyfriend to be able to make me orgasm, but we BOTH had to work at it, it's not just his "fault" and I made sure he knew that. I agree with Brando, I think you should just fully explain the situation so he knows it's not his fault.

  • Are you leaving something out? Have you two discussed penis size at some point? How old is he? I can't see with the info you provided why he would act this way. Now, if you've tried penetration and did not orgasm with his penis, then asked him to use the vibrator on you, I can help advise on how to make that better but it feels like I'm missing something here.

  • Okay he is waaaay overreacting!

  • You gotta be careful what you say around dudes, especially about their junk/manhood. Men want to provide, and if he ain't providing ENOUGH, he's gonna feel like sh*t.

    Imagine if you told him "hey, would you please go make more money so I can have my fancy cars?" It's offensive! It might think it as a joke, but the guy is doing what he can, and this is what he thought was enough.

    Just give the dude time to get over it. There's nothing else you can do really.

    • How long do I wait to talk to him? It has been two days with no communication at all, should I just wait until he contacts me first?

    • Go for 3 days. At the end of 3 days, if he isn't talking, he's being a bitch.

  • it is definately a bad thing to say to him but he is overreacting but should get over it.

  • Sounds like he has sand in his vagina

  • Sometimes I feel emasculated too in my own relationship. I guess the male ego is very sensitive, and women might underestimate the impact of their words... positive or negative!

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