How can I find an asexual man to date?

[Anonymous]

I want a boyfriend, but don't want to have sex because I've had a bad experience and I don't like it. I want a boyfriend for the companionship only.

[ThoroughFred]

Wanting someone who fits under your restrictive guidelines is both selfish and impractical. You will never find a man who be 100% satisfied never having sex unless he has been medically castrated or was born with a physical deformity. Sorry for the harsh reality check, but it needed to be said before I can say my next point.

The real issue is your bad experience. You will have to face it eventually and despite the difficulty (i'm going to assume its bad or you wouldn't want to slice out a huge part of lifes enjoyment) you can get through it and be happier on the other side.

I'm sorry some asswipe hurt you, but not all men will. Many perhaps, but not ALL. So maybe a better approach is to just state the fact that you are very reluctant to all your potential guys and screen for one who is understanding. Not just a smooth talker, but one who genuinely respects that fact. As long as he knows you are willing to eventually try once you've gained enough trust, I think a lot more guys than you think would stick it out if they had deep feelings for you.

Just work the angles you are willing and most guys will be satisfied with that. I love sex, I'm like addicted and I've always been with very sexually charged women. But honestly, if I met a girl who was truly special and lets say had a broken vag where sex was downright painful for her I'd be pretty satisfied with just oral sex. Most guys aren't just about "sex" itself, they are mostly about acceptance and healthy amounts of power/control. If you are willing to "service" a guy, that's enough to cater to his masculinity and keep him loyal. and most guys would be happy to "service" back as much as you let them in return.

Just some things to consider before you lock up a lifetime of fulfilling sexual pleasures in a fort knox chastity belt and toss away the key.

[Asker]

I think you are wrong. Look up asexual, there are actually men who don't want sex, ever. It's their sexual orientation, like instead of being straight and being sexually attracted to females or being gay and being sexually attracted to men they arnt sexually attracted to either sex at all, it's how they were born. I won't have to face my bad experience eventually, because I don't want to. I don't want sex in my life. why is that so wrong?

[ThoroughFred]

because its not natural and you are running from a fear. If you let fear rule your life you will never be happy. Sure there are "asexual" men out there, but good luck finding one. It would be like winning the lottery. Plus you also have to assume there is a reason they are asexual, and they could have a very dark past. Any way you look at it you are running away. It's not only cowardly, its not a solution. One day you will have to face it, better now then later after you have a life of regrets.

[Asker]

Not everyone has to have sex to be happy. I don't have to face it ever, if I don't want to. People don't die from lack of sex.

[ThoroughFred]

Keep convincing yourself. one day you will regret it.

[Asker]

why would I regret it? I don't think I will. In my oppinion there's nothing good about sex and I don't want it.

[SnackG]

I'll do it as long as you'll cuddle. lol

[Kimkitty]

You really are asexual?

[SnackG]

No, but I wouldn't mind being it if the girl I like is. I haven't even so much as held a girls hand so it wouldn't be any different.

[TimB -1-2-3]

Companionship? Then you should get.. you know.. a 'friend'..

As for getting asexual men to date? Either get one with the same psychological problem as you, one with brain damage, or good luck ;p

Also: go to a therapist.. You've admitted you've got problems.. Why not fix them?

[Asker]

Friends are different. I want someone to be more then a friend, someone to share my life with. But no sex. Why do you say it's a psychological problem or brain damage if a man is asexual? haven't you heard about it? there are straight people- people who are attracted to the opposite gender, Gay/Lesbians- People who are sexually attracted to the same sex and asexuals- people who arnt sexually attracted to either sex, it's just how they are born. But they still want relationships to have a companion.

[Asker]

I would rather not have sex again and I'm happy with that, so I don't need to see a therapist.

[TimB -1-2-3]

Well, you're right, I should've been more nuanced. People with hypothalamus damage or who have hypothyroidism are often found to be asexual. People with autism, schizophrenia, depression and endocrinal imbalance may also have asexuality. The same can be said of people with psychological trauma such as molestation, abuse, failed relationships, narcissistic and histrionic personality patterns, etc. And then of course you have the celibates.. So there.. take a pick ;p Or get help.. Your choice

[Asker]

No, there are normal people who are asexual. that's just how they are born. That's like you saying all gay men are retards and abnormal because they don't like women. I don't want to get help, because I think my life would be better off without sex anyway.

[TimB -1-2-3]

link

glhf

[TimB -1-2-3]

Or consider having an open relationship.. That might possibly be a solution..

[loveturnedtohate61]

This is a bullshit answer. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that about 1% of the population has. Asexuality means someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction. Likewise, there's no innate desire to have sex, and many asexual men and women find sex either not enjoyable or repulsive. It's quite possible she's asexual, and in that case if she wants to date someone she would be most compatible with another asexual.

[suavaye]

it will be hard to find someone but not impossible. my girlfriend was raped and didn't like to have sex with me, but after a while of talking and being patient she was able to open up to me. sounds like yur going through something similar and I'm sorry, wish you good luck

[l-hedoniste]

If you want an asexual man, just say so. Realize, however, that if you're not asexual yourself, such a relationship will bring you no closer to resolving your issues with sex.

[Asker]

I think I might be. I hate sex and don't want it.

[Belgie]

Find a gay man, who doesn't want people to know he's gay.

[Shaun]

Elegant.

[Shaun]

If you have a lot of money and are willing to toss it around, you'll find someone.

[Asker]

why do I need money?

[Shaun]

You have to have something to offer.

[Asker]

I don't need money to have something to offer...

[Shaun]

So you already have your asexual partner, then?

[Asker]

no but I don't need money to get one :S

[Shaun]

Get one first, without money and I'll cede your point. Until then, it's all talk.

[Asker]

You obviously don't know that there are men out there that arnt sexual pigs like you. there are such things as a man who dosn't want sex and just wants a partner for a companion. Google asexual.

[Shaun]

lol@the little girl who thinks she can teach me anything about life. You think there are so many asexual men out there that it will be easy to find one? Make it happen, otherwise it's just noise coming out of that lump on your shoulders.

[Asker]

im not a little girl. I'm 21. Well you think you know everything but you don't. asexual people are more common then you think.

[Shaun]

Yeah, it was something a lot of my contemporaries said TWENTY YEARS AGO, too. Of course it was bullsh*t, just something they said because they were so far unsuccessful with women. Seriously, enough with the updates, you're a child.

[Asker]

Im not a child. I'm legally an adult and old enough to make my own choices. If I don't want a sex life then I wont. Why do you care?

[Shaun]

I don't care. I merely said you should have something to offer, because besides not being good for sex, you're also a snatch and sh*tty at conversation.

[Asker]

you don't even know me. You don't know what I have to offer, or what I'm like in real life. Girls have more to offer then sex, and an asexual man wouldn't want that anyway.

[Shaun]

I know enough about you just from a few words. As far as I can see, you have nothing to offer and you're not very bright. I just don't see what any guy would get out of being with you.

[Shaun]

lol@clinging to the myth of the asexual man. It's rare sister, or you would have found one already. Seriously, just pick a man to live with and throw money at him. Same result in the end and it broadens your pool of potential mates.

[Asker]

You know nothing about me, besides the fact that I don't like sex.

[Shaun]

I know plenty. You aren't very bright, but you think you know it all. You don't listen to what other people are saying. What could you possibly have to offer?

[Asker]

why do you think I'm not very bright? you don't know who I am, what I do.. ect. You can't base your oppinion on what I write on here. I don't think I know it all but people arn't answering the question I asked, they are telling me to get over my hate for sex, which I don't want to do. I just asked how to find an asexual men, and no one answered that question. I guess I'll have to look elsewhere. there must be a social site for asexuals.

[irykiryk]

Get a eunuch.

[Galaxie500]

I wouldn't mind that

[Asker]

you would have a relationship with absolutly nothing sexual?

[Galaxie500]

yes, I don't care for sex, I'm almost asexual.

[Anonymous]

Some men were sexually assaulted at a young age or just have a lot of self control or are very romantic. Other people have emotional problems because of bad stuff like you said.

Some people are just born empty, with the lights on and nobody home. Every smile and laugh, fake. Just red, gold and green.