How come guys don't get emotionally attached during sex?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this. I mean I know some do if they are with someone that they already like a lot, but what about the rest. I am a virgin but I have always had a high sexual drive and sometimes I meet guys that I would really like to lose my virginity to and not care afterward but I know myself and that would not be the case. I don't like the fact that they would not care about me and that I would be added to one of their numbers and be forgetful. What goes on through your minds? Do you really not care? Why is that?

[38rakia38]

Well, I don't think it's just men who don't get emotionally attached through sex.

And actually a significant number of men do get attached through sex.

We may have different builds, different set ups, but at our core--the sexes are one in the same. The old Yin and Yang principle.

People like me, don't like to process emotions, so we put sex and emotions separate. Sex is just sex but feelings--well, they complicate things, make situations weird. We're more into having fun than being tied down in relationships. If that makes sense.

It's not to say we don't have feelings or don't develop them for people.

If you want to find a guy who cares about you, you need to put it out there in the universe. And be blunt about what YOU want towards guys, they don't quite get the cloak and dagger routine that chicks are so fond of. For example don't say something like, "Yeah you're a nice guy, but you don't care about me"--because you really mean the last part of that sentence by adding "but" and that's ALL they'll hear. Say, "I want someone who cares about me in order to have sex because my virginity is special".

[taster]

Like it...Good Job!

[Asker]

Interesting. I agree completely about emotions being complicated and about being blunt because I am really straight forward with that. It's just that if I try to seperate emotions and sex I think I get a bit scared or panicky like I am supressing something important.

[38rakia38]

I mean, not everyone can separate the two. Admittedly it is really difficult, especially for chicks. I used to get emotionally attached quite a bit when I was younger, it takes a lot to get to the point where you can differentiate between the two. Easiest way is to set boundaries for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Because guys are built differently to girls.

The things which get a guys emotional attachment, have very little to do with what goes on in sex. It doesn't mean they can't feel anything for their sex partner, but the mere act of having sex is hardly going to engender feelings from nothing.

Young guys especially are driven by hormones to seek out as many sexual partners as possible. If you don't know what it's like to be driven by hormones, try to remember what things are like on your period. Have you ever cried for no reason? Felt sh*tty for no reason? Felt angry for no reason? That's hormones. And you don't have a choice in what they do to you.

[Asker]

Well I know what it feels like to want to have sex 24-7 but I would not say that I am driven by it. Maybe I think too much about the consequences or that the guy would lose interest too quickly. And I wish that was what my periods were like, they sound peaceful compared to the hell that I go through.

[Opinion Owner]

Fine, if you go through hell. My point is that you should know what it's like to be a slave to hormones, no matter what you think you might rationally might want to do. Guys are under the thrall of testosterone, and not just for 5 days a month or whatever.

[taster]

I would usually prefer a relationship...but I am gong to have to have sexual release one way or another...so a relationship certainly is not necessary...when a male is relieving himself while watching p*rn, how caring is that? Is that concept of "sex and ONLY sex" that difficult to understand? If you DO care then that is called a relationship...

[Asker]

So having sex with a person and watching p*rn are no different? Yes it is difficult for me to understand because even in my fantasies I would usually only picture the guy that I was crushing on for a long time and if I tried someone else it didn't work.

[taster]

Well a real person is certainly better than p*rn but I make the point that with p*rn there is sex without emotional attachment...it can work that way with a warm body as well. You seem to be saying that you could not have sex with a stranger? If so, that is fine. You don't think that you could have sex with some guy and picture are "crush" while it was happening? LOL I don't wish to corrupt u! Like I said, I prefer a relationship...

[Asker]

No I don't think I could. I have met a few that I get really turned on by the idea of sleeping with them but when it comes down to it I know I will regret it so I stop contact. I'm afraid of feeling used and that's a terrible feeling for me. I have to know that the guy is not using me at least.

[taster]

Well there is nothing wrong with that or with u..just need to be aware a lot of folks don't feel that way. Females often ask if we think that males are willing to wait for sex..and I always get a kick out of that...we are probably picturing your face and fantasizing about you while we are jacking off every nite! The only waiting we do is for you to take over that responsibility...most males are going to have sex..one way or another...

[christian2724]

I don't care. It used to be early on I could get attached and open up easily. But early on I got burned by a girl and now the walls are built up thick. I'm guessing there are more than a few guys who can relate. Women don't often respond to openness or vulnerability. It's not hard to find a girl lecturing or criticizing about some guy who's clingy, etc. If someone is messed up, their experiences with the opposite gender probably made them that way. If you don't like it, you should start treating people like you'd like to be treated.

[Asker]

So are you saying that people that act like this are usually "messed up" ?

[christian2724]

Yes, to some extent. And people are all too eager to cause it.

[MikeK]

Absolutely right. You can't win with women; you give 'em an inch, they take a yard. If you give them your heart, they think you're coming on too strong. If you seldom show your feelings, they think you're a robot. They probably do prefer an emotionless man, even if they don't admit it.

[christian2724]

Ironically the colder I act the more successful I am with women. It seems "cool". Unlike when I was enthusiastic, optimistic, and genuinely interested. That was pathetic, or too easy, or too clingy. I act cold because that's what I have to do to get anywhere with women.

[Asker]

See this is the problem, I know there are some guys like you who do this deliberatley and instead of practicing what you preach ("you should start treating people like you'd like to be treated") you continue to justify your behavior by acting like a jerk. You two really need to calm down, not every woman out there is a bitch. I have my walls up too because I like being cautious but I know there are limits that tell me when I'm not being myself anymore.

[christian2724]

You being defensive isn't going to change the way things are. When I find a girl who I think accepts me for who I am, then I'm myself. And I'm not acting like a jerk. I'm just being cautious. Sound familiar? Amusing isn't it.

[Asker]

There is a difference between being cold and cautious, and unlike you my walls are not built up thick so no it's not familiar. Others have answered that it's more like a natural needs thing and I'm OK with that, but if you're having to fake no emotions that's when I have a problem.

[playa_pan]

Depends... when I was with my ex and we were getting it on, I thought of her.

When I was with a girl I hooked up with, nothing much went through my mind...

[sikoo31]

sometimes me and my ex would fight, and after making up and having sex again, I would feel more in love with her than ever.

its a chemical reaction in the brain after sex.

[taster]

LOL! It's hell being drugged all the time..isn't it?

[sikoo31]

love is blind man haha

[Jesterface195]

No we kinda dont, its because we're just not that into you. Of course, I can't speak for the emotional guys here.

[DanHendo]

I Care. and do get attached. but I've only had sex with one girl who was my everything so it wasn't hard.

[DanHendo]

lol someone just going by down votin me huh? lol suck it