How do I ask a guy for a sex only affair?

I'm attached but my husband is not able to have sex because of an illness. But it's been 4 years now and I am going crazy. I want to ask a certain man for a sex only relationship but not sure what words to use to ask him. He is also attached but his marriage isn't good. Can anyone actually tell me what to say so I don't look stupid and be able to keep my dignity if he says no?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • First, divorce your husband. Tell him, in these exact words "I care about you, but my personal urges are more important than you and your illness". To put it another way: tell him the truth. Don't rub his illness in his face by cheating on him. Get divorced.

    If you want to hook up with your "certain man", do it. But DO NOT use your husbands illness as an excuse to do it. You either care for your husband as his wife, or not enough to be his wife. For the former, you stay with him and work through things and NOT go outside of your marriage to satisfy yourself. (I'm sure his illness is hard enough on him as it is, it's preventing him from having sex and it's insult to injury that you would go to another man). For the latter, as I'm assuming is the case, you are willing to go to another man without regard to your husband, and as such, should end the marriage the honorable way.

    The first one to know should be your husband and you should end the marriage before you act on your urges. Feel lucky that you can at least act on your urges...he obviously cannot. Don't hurt him further.

  • Now maybe I'm the exception here but I can't imagine any woman sounding stupid asking me for sex. Just be honest and sincere so there is no confusion as to your intentions. Even a woman I knew socially (as long as I was not good friends with her husband - because that would just be too weird) who approached me and said "I am very interested in getting naked with you right now - would that be a problem?" would get my full undivided attention. From the first time out it should be easy to set the boundaries - sex only is what most men dream of... lol.

    Asking your husband for consent depends completely on you and him. You know best as to what his likely reaction would be. If I were in your shoes I would think twice about adding that kind of emotional baggage to my ill spouse, but I would get laid as needed.

    Get your YaYa out and show it to him - make sure he has a great time as well, and make great noises as you come and this guy should be around for whenever you want him. I would have absolutely no problems with this type of arrangement - my lady might not agree ... lol!

Most Helpful Girls

  • You are going to get a lot of rude answers. I hope you're ready for the onslaught. First of all did you ask your husband? He might be OK with it since he knows it would be purely sexual and he can't do that for you. If not, I still understand better than most. My grandpa's wife got Alzheimer's and she went to a home and then another woman moved in with him. She was practically a child while she was in the home. He didn't tell her, in this case it was the right decision because it would just upset her.

    Honestly I wouldn't approach a man that you are thinking of ahead of time. There is a larger potential for you to develop feelings for him. I would go to a bar or something. You don't want the affair to be emotional as well as physical. Plus if the person you are thinking of wasn't planning to have an affair, even if his marriage isn't good, you could be stirring up a lot of trouble for him. I hope it works out and that nobody gets hurt.

  • I agree with the other girls ask your husband what he thinks?

    I have a conscience so I couldn't do that.

    When you married you said for better or worse.

  • have fun with the haters...ask you husband first..

    It maybe hard but its harder on him. wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

    Yea ask him

    • I think the problem is that the husband *isn't* hard!

    • Hah! @ CuriousEddie

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • First of all - and I know you are going to get a lot of sharp answers on this - this is not as uncommon as you might think. Men have been doing this for ages; why should it be any different because you are a woman? Although I can't see myself in your shoes, my advice would be:

    1. Choose an unmarried, younger man, instead. This way, things can't get complicated.

    2. A younger man will be much more apt to take you up on "sex just for sex"

    3. Don't ask for it verbally; if you play your cards right, you won't have to.

    4. If he says no? On this rare occasion, if you've chosen carefully, you can just bow out quietly.

    If you actually have to ask for it, don't be coy. Say something like "I just really miss the touch of a man..."

  • I'm not going to judge you. To each it's own. many people may want to call you names because of this. You can love your husband like crazy but that doesn't mean that your can put a hold on your hormones. So I do understand where you are coming form Believe it or not, There's millions of guys that will be more than willing to have NSA with you. Just like you told us make it clear from the get go to him. Let him know that you are married and don't want to leave your husband. But be careful certain guys may ending catching feelings, leave kids and wife to be with you. You might end up doing the same. So before you take that leap, think it through. But if that's what works for you., Go ahead with it. Is your husband"s condition permanent? Or better yet is he open minded? Would he blow up if you were to suggest an open marriage? Or have you considered a strap on ?

  • "Just thought I'd bring over the divorce papers with uncontested court date over, so we could celebrate my new freedom. Someday when you are free, we'll celebrate yours and perhaps even hookup. My favorite night club will be ... wish me luck!"

  • Sounds wrong and messy to me.

    Let's say I understand that you have the right to "cheat" on your husband, but why would you drive another man to cheat on his wife, too?

    I'm not being judgmental, who am I to judge anyway? I've never been in your shoes, but I would try and give it a little consideration before I do something I might regret in the future.

    Best wishes :)

  • Did you ever decide to do anything? or to talk to your husband?