I usually look them straight in the eye and simply ask when their last test was made (and hope to god they tell me the truth)...
It very hard to do it while "in the hit of the moment," because it is your first time "doing it" and both are nervous, and you are terrified that you will ruin the moment/the entire relationship that would have followed if you had remained silent..
The best way for me: I date them, it goes well, and on the 3rd date I mention the test thing like "preacherman"...I also tell them that I think that it is important for me and mention that one could have no symptoms but still be a carrier, etc. Usually, however, we end up in bed before the 3rd date and then the first paragraph happens...unless I sum up godlike self-control and tell her it's too soon and repeat any cliche excuse for waiting that girls used to throw at me when I was in high-school (I've done this 4 times and I'm very proud of myself for it...denying them sex when they crave it also drives them insane and they will rip your clothes off next time you make a move)..
Anyway, the honest stare approach (while only recommended as a last resort in a time of weakness), has worked for me this far (I get tested every 3 months [I'm paranoid] and I'm clean for now). I am still working on the "Hold on" approach, and I'm hoping to get better at it..
The "you could still have it even if you have no symptoms" spiel seems to work pretty well..getting tested is expensive though, they should really make it more affordable..
Lol funny sh*t dude
Sure, been there. I think the best way is not to ask her if she is clean, but ask her if she has ever been tested. Say something like ( I was thinking about getting tested, would you get tested with me, because I'm kind of nervous about it, it would be nice to have company) or something like that.
Smooth.
That's how I would do it.
Well, if you think sex is somewhere you're heading, then tell her you need to have a serious conversation. Sex is a huge responsibility, and you both need to be safe. Here's my little speech.
Simply tell her that since you both are getting to a point that sex might be in your future, you want to make sure you both are protected, healthy, and as safe as can be. You know that condoms do prevent many STDs but some can be transmitted other ways, and you want to make sure you both are clean. Offer to go to get tested together, so both of you face it, and share results. This way, she knows you're committed to being safe, that you aren't doubting her but making sure you are both safe, and you have support for what can be nerve-wracking waiting for results.
If you include yourself in the conversation, making you one of the ones also being considered, then she won't feel targeted. She'll feel that this is something both of you need to do for your relationship, not something you are doing to test her in some way.
Remember, there is really no such thing as truly safe sex, though. She could cheat, you could cheat, you can get things in other ways, etc. So get tested periodically, often, and try to be as safe as possible. Make it something you guys do together, face together, and it will strengthen your relationship instead of tear it apart.
Can you give me a percentage figure of the number of times you have given this speech and sexual acts have followed? Sexual acts being any oral or genital contact of any nature between two or more consenting parties.
What an great question!
I had a friend who had a friend that had herpes. She was set up with a guy who never knew she had herpes until AFTER they slept together. Her reasoning was she thought he wouldn't like her if she had herpes. I never found out if he had it or not, but I couldn't get over that type of casual betrayal. Her insecurity was more important than his health.
This is something I had to think of for a while, myself. How could a man ask without offending me? Of course my first reaction would be anger that he was implying I slept around without protection. But then I think about the poor guy who could have herpes because he never thought to ask.
So I would have to say, have the conversation before you guys are hot and heavy. Try to make it sound like you were thinking of HER - tell her you realize this day and age, there are plenty of people who have sex without protection and you just wanted to reassure her that you are 100% clean. Hopefully she will respond in kind. But keep in mind that she could still lie. Your best bet would be to use protection every time.
Of course the most ideal thing is to wait until you guys are in love so the trust is there and you won't feel the need to doubt her fidelity. But that's just romantic in me talking.
What a great answer! :) I really gotta wipe casual sex off the table and just date / hang out with girls instead. . . it'd be way safer. Thx for input.
Simonette is always on target! The wise person always protects himself!
Hmm wow. Yes I'd love some tips on this myself. I think the least awkward way a guy has ever confirmed with me that I am clean was kind of bringing conversation to the foreplay makeout session and he offered up his own slate just saying something like "I've only ever been with clean girls" and by saying that it was kind of implied I needed to response with my own health record.
Actually I heard is was 1/3 have herpes haha. Anyway - As a girl, I wouldn't mind being asked straight up. It's actually kind of attractive: knowing that you are thinking about it would make me feel more secure is knowing you are clean too. Maybe just say like: I want to be safe: are you clean?
Good folow up when/if she says no would be a sexy "good, cause I can't wait to make love to you"
Thx for input, also loved the followup very helpful
Well, I would just state the facts you know about the 1/4 people having herpes to her, and ask her bluntly.
I'm pretty sure she'll understand. Pretty much what PrickeyPear said. you just want to be safe.
It's not in any relation to her being trashy or slutty or anything. You just simply want to be safe.
Tell her that if she seems to be getting offended.
I'm not sure if it's 1/3 or 1/4 but still. it's scary not knowing.
Yeah 1/3rd and 1/4th whatever, completely ruins my fun thinking about it when I'm in a club or whatever
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!just tell her that your the "safe guy" and you'd want both of you to get tested just to be safe, be straight out it doesn't imply that you think she's dirty you just want to be sure you guys are clean :)
Ah. You, my dear, are very pure of heart. You deserve to have people speak only the truth to you.
Lol I'm kinda confused by what you meant exactly
Sorry, I'll translate. Baby girl, you are naive. Aww. . =]
i wish I knew a way
I'd like to know the answer to this as well. I mean you don't want to insult the girl, but it really is a reasonable question. There aren't many girls worth getting herpes for. It's probably best to ask it in a straightforward manner, then you can expect a straight answer. If you're question is dodgy, then the answer probably will be too, and that will leave doubt in your mind.
All that said though, it is the responsibility of anyone with an STD to inform their potential sexual partner.
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