How Hating Condoms Made Me a Better Man

Condoms are a necessary evil. They minimize the risks associated with sex, but they reduce the sensation associated with sex. If you live a promiscuous lifestyle, however, they are not an option. Too many diseases and whatnot exist to assume the risk of not using one. When I had sex without condom with one of my first girlfriends years ago, though, it made me realize that sex was rarely worth having if you're using a condom in the first place. Here's why:

1. If You Need to Wrap it Up, You Don't Trust the Person You're Having Sex with

I met a girl on OKCupid; we were having sex with a condom, and she told me to take it off. She said she'd been tested and was on birth control, but I thought, "how many other times has she done this?" Then I thought, "if I don't trust this girl enough to remove the condom, then why am I having sex with her in the first place? Especially when the condom is zapping a lot of the pleasure." Therefore, using condoms makes you aware of the health risks you take during sexy time. Additionally, they make you keenly aware of your partner's sexual history, which is rarely a good thing.

How Hating Condoms Made Me a Better Man

2. You Don't JUST Try to Get into Someone's Pants

If you hate condoms, then you only want to have sex without condoms. The only way to have sex without condoms is to get to know someone really well and have a fulfilling, longer-term relationship with them (unless you live a risky lifestyle). Therefore, you rarely try to get into someone's pants in the short-term since, in the best case scenario, you would have to use a condom. Short-term sex isn't appealing anymore. You start needing something deeper.

How Hating Condoms Made Me a Better Man

3. You Vet the Opposite Sex More Closely

This one is especially for guys. When we want to have sex with a lady, we let a lot of things slide that, if the roles were reversed, should have gotten her rejected a long time ago. When we want to have sex with a lady without a condom eventually, then we start paying closer attention to how she behaves to see if it will be compatible with our personality over the longer-term. If you don't want to use condoms eventually, then you need to trust each other, as opposed to a one-night-stand where you just need consent.

How Hating Condoms Made Me a Better Man

4. The Need for Connection Attracts More Potential Partners

This one is especially true for guys again. By not rushing to try to get into a girl's pants, you set yourself apart from other guys, in a good way. Additionally, by considering the risks associated with sex to such a degree to refrain from it until you trust the other person, you frame yourself as a responsible and mature person (but not a prude). Lastly, everyone wants what they can't have, so holding sex back from a person that fancies you may turn out well in the long run.

How Hating Condoms Made Me a Better Man
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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • what about family planning sir?

  • Fuuuuuuck condoms

  • Sure that's your personal thing... But you respect why it's good for a lot of people right?
    Some women can't go on birth control and some don't like using synthetic hormones because of bad side effects etc.
    Also, barrier methods are important to prevent spread of STIs and literally create a barrier to prevent pregnancy... Condoms are the most effective barrier method.
    Also... The is no way to hormonally control a man's sperm to stop him making babies, so then it all falls to a woman to hormonally alter things to make sure they don't end up with little ones... Don't you think it's a bit annoying when female hormone control is the only option you leave her with?
    Just curious...

  • what a stupid n**

    • You can spell out the rest of the censored word you were about to say Mr. Anonymous.

    • i did but then gag automatically did that

    • Knee grow

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  • 2/3 Anerican adults get a std in there life time, 1.5million American have HIV with 15K+ new infections each year. At anyone time 40-65million Americans have a active STD 1in 8 to about 1 in 6, do the safe thing wrap it...

    I still have my V card and with my dating life probably going to have it for few more years...

  • Condoms do more than protect against STD's!! Personally I have had sex with one guy and i'm still dating him (its been almost 2 years) but he didn't know his ex gave him herpes and he gave it to me, now we both have it, but we still use condoms because we don't want babies. While we will both admit it is much better without, I have had to many times freaking out over being late (i'm very irregular) to even consider not using one. His excuse used to be he didn't have one with him, so I bought some that I keep at the house. I love him and trust him more than anything but I am so not willing to risk it!

    • That's a fallacy. Condoms don't protect from STI's completely. It's just less likely. It's like playing lotto.

    • Omg you have herpes? I'd shoot myself!!

    • Yeah I do and its really not the end of the world... I thought it was but its not... And more people than you realize have it and just dont show symptoms. So its uncompassionate people like you that make people feel bad about themselves.

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  • My boyfriend and I are both virgins, been with each other a year and a half.
    We want to have sex soon, but I don't want to use condoms because I know it decreases the pleasure for him and I'm very much against birth control pills because it messes up your hormones :(
    And of course we don't want a baby. Dilemmas!!!

    • there are other options. Take some sex ed, learn about all forms of protection... like the Etonogestrel contraceptive implant, or the UID/coil...

    • @dartmaul15 but all of that messes you up. Really badly. Might just have to wait :(

    • Holy shit that is a long time to date someone without sex... If it's been that long perhaps you should consider marriage. If you don't want to use any form of birth control you need to be ready to have a child. "Pulling out" works well but it decreases the pleasure for him just like condoms. So really you're just playing with fire, a baby is inevitable if you repetitively have unprotected sex. You may want to try to "rhythm method", it's not 100% foolproof but it is supposed to help. Frankly I still think you might as well prepare for a baby if you go ahead with this.

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  • Your intention of meeting someone on a dating site for just sex suggests that you willfully engage in non-committal sex. In that case, use prophylactics!

    It takes more than abstaining from sexual behaviors to be celibate. You have to abstain from sexual thoughts too. If they inevitably pop into your head, then you may want to seek a psychiatrist to help solve your problem, because uncontrollable intrusive thoughts may be a sign of OCD. Alternatively, try busying your mind with more productive thoughts - about work, family, friends, charity work, etc.

  • Enjoy chlamydia then

  • The HIV virus takes up to 6 months to show up in a blood test yet the person who is carrying the virus is very likely to infect others during this latent phase if she/he is having unprotected sex with them. Unless the person hasn't had any sexual contact within the last 7-8 months, I wouldn't trust the test results and continue insisting on wearing a condom. But good luck on your approach.

  • Yes but it goes both ways, the girl should be able to make sure that the guy is tested to. Like you said you had unprotected sex with a girlfriend. If I was a girl and I was interested in you I would want to know your std status

    • Agreed

  • All good points. I have a question for you though. I had a friends with benefits while in highschool before he went to the Navy. After he returned (I had a child at this point) we ended up hooking up again. During the sex without a condom he got genuinely freaked out and he rushed to the store to grab condoms before we finished up. He claimed that it had to do with the fact that I was not on birth control and he did not want to chance an unplanned pregnancy. Did he A) Not trust me or B) Was he afraid to get me pregnant?

    • It sounds like he was afraid to get you pregnant. Sex without a condom without birth control is a high risk situation if you don't want to make a baby.

    • Fair enough. Thanks!