Sexual Health
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How to get your boyfriend to be more agressive during sex?

my boyfriend and I have a really good sex life but I kinda want him to be a little more aggressive. I know he can be because I have seen him get right to the edge and then he backs down. I'm pretty sure its because he knows I was raped in the past and doesn't want to hurt me. I have tried to be suttle and say things during the heat of the moment like you know I'm not fragile. its not like I want some crazy rape fantasy trust me that's the last thing I want but I would also like him to throw me around a little I just don't know how to get him to loosen up a little. he also had a psyhco ex who kinda didn't let him have any fun so its hard to break him from that mold! HELP! please and thank you! :)
Updates:
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Okay so pretty much when he got home I gave him no choice. He walked in I pushed him into the wall and bj he was caught pretty off guard. I then told him he had 30 seconds to meet me in the room if he wasn't there and not ready to toughen up then don't bother coming in I would handle myself instead. He showed lol I took complete control he was pretty much in shock. I went after all his weaknesses. I pretty got him to the edge and said if he wanted it he had to earn it! He finally did! Yay!
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He definitely got into it witch made it so much better we have now gone 3 times lol and. He is definitely now comftorable being aggressive! He still made sure I was okay a few times but I though it was sweet and then when I got ready to say yes he was already back to what he was doing lol so all and all I'm pretty sure he gets my point now.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • ok don't take this advice cause its not a good one to take but I had the same prob with my man .. he did it great but he was such a nice sweet guy he didn't really want to be what he thought was disrespectful to me . .he would do it hard but not like I wanted it .. I mean I wanted him to do me like it was his last he would ever get .. I would say things like harder and faster but that didn't do the trick so one night while he was doing it doggy style with me cause that's my fave. I started talking crap to him .. like saying stuff that would piss him off so he would take it out on me .. I was saying things like "oh yeah you don't even like this p***y , you ain't showing it you that you do .. I bet ( my exes name ) would f**k the hell out of me .. he loves this P***Y.. ! LOL well it worked ! NOW that would NOT work on some guys ..or even most guys .. they would prob get mad for real and tell you to F. off .. I new before saying all that that it wouldn't cause a real prob cause we are just crazy like that . he and I are pretty open with each other and he new I was just talking crap .. he new I didn't mean it but it was fun .. I wouldn't do it tho .. most people would get offended or break up over it

    • Lol we have sorta where that would work but if I brrought up my ex oh man! lol not uhh! he would so get up and walk away. we really do have amazing sex but sometimes a girl just esnts to be picked up nad thrown into a wall you know lol

    • yeah girl I feel you on that .. I like for my man to pull my hair and hold me down and stuff and I just can't get him to do it .. he said it makes him feel like he is an ass hole or something LOL ..my husband is a sweet heart and I love him but I need some down and dirty time LOL :)

    • exactly lol my boyfriend is a complete sweetheart I love him to death but damnit I have needs also haha I'm gonna just jumo his bones tonight and I'm gonna make him do it lol I don't even care I finally have the guts!

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  • Tell him what you want. As long as he's not a douche he probably wants you to be happy and would love some direction.

    • he isn't at all. he is really into what I want thanks! :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • Ladies, I suggest sitting him down when you're out for an intimate dinner or a drink in a nice bar where you can hear each other talk. Tell him how much you appreciate how much care he takes to make sure you are getting what you need. Now it's time to give you what you want. Do NOT have this discussion in the bedroom or right before or after sex. That makes it too close to home and makes him think he's not performed. Be direct and matter of fact. Best if you can be specific. Most of all, tell him you want him to man up and turn the animal in him loose, that you need that to feel like a real woman sometimes. If he takes it wrong or won't, time to shop for a new partner, IMHO.

    • Thanks! I tried talking it didn't work so I finally just took control and it worked :)

    • Saw the update. So glad to hear that you found a way to get manhandled. It is nice that he checks. I strongly suggest you adopt a couple of safe words, one for taking a minute where things are before moving on to the next rougher thing and one for stopping altogether in case you're afraid of getting injured. I like "mercy" for just staying where things are and "red light" for stopping. It'll give you both more control and confidence. Let us know how it's "going." ;)

  • I think a good way to clue him in that you want rougher sex, is to be aggressive and rough with him during foreplay. If a girl is aggressive and rough with me in foreplay, I'll match it by being just as rough with her during sex. Considering his past and yours, this might be the best way to communicate how rough you want him to treat you.

    Lots of guys tend to be too gentler with girls during sex, because that's how we were brought up to behave with and play with them as children. Plus if the girl is a lot smaller than us, we fear we might seriously injure her if we play too rough.

    • im qwite a bit smaller I'm about 115 pounds and he is pretty tall and fit so I would say that's probably definitely a thing for him. I just don't know how to starrt being aggressive you know? its new for me also any ideas?

    • There's different things you can do. Teasing and dirty talk are big ones. Command him to do certain things harder. You can show some physical aggressiveness by pouncing him and taking some control during foreplay, then give him the chance to do the same to you. If he's still to gentle, just remind him that you'll let him know when he's hurting you or being too rough.

    • i have pretty much pounced on him and he was smiling but he said something like woah there turbo or some crap and it totally killed it for me. I don't know if it was becasue I took it wrong or what. I think I'm just gonna have to totally take him by surprise and go for it

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Simply tell him. He will be thankful for your straight-forwardness and so will you because you can go back to only enjoying sex.

    • Thanks!

  • Yes!

  • just tell him this he probably doesn't know that you like aggressive sex and he doesn't want to bring you memories so yeah.

    • i have hinted a couple times. if I tell him he gets defensive.

    • guys aren't good at hints we have to be told straight up obviously not offensive though

    • lol I've noticed! lol but I have said things like I'm not fragile and nothing lol i guess ill try to "talk "to him again

  • The words harder and take me come to mind.

    • lol I have tried the harder got no where

    • Sounds like he's like me. I never got the whole pound her like a screen door in a hurricane thing, and that's what some girls need. It felt like acting to do what she wanted, but it did get her where she needed to go, so it was all good. Maybe a talk about exactly how you need to feel to really get off, and a pretty please request to make like the fist of an angry God?

    • haha yah I really don't need crazy but a little agresion would be very welcome! I'm gonna just go for it tonight and hope for the best lol.

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  • "I have tried to be suttle"

    WHY? Why on gods green earth would you think this is a time to be subtle?

    You need to talk frankly with him. He's not a psychic. He will never know what you want unless you out and out TELL HIM.

    • Lol I'm usually a subtle girl. I just took control and it worked haha so I guess from now on no being subtle!

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