How to help girlfriend past insecurity/fear of giving blowjobs?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend has said no to blowjobs recently, for the reason of she's been used for them before. When we first talked about it she seemed open to the possibility saying she'd have to be in the right mood though, so I left it at that for a few months. Last time we talked she said that she'd like to be able to do it for me (after having said no to them), but that she'd feel used because of the act. I'm having trouble understanding her side completely. I see it as the person who was the problem, not the act. It's also confusing that at the same time she says she knows I wouldn't ever use her, she'd still feel used from the act of it. She also finds them impersonal, which I've agreed with, but thinking back I'd have to disagree. It seems more personal from my view, as it's all give and no take. It means a lot that she'd be willing to do that, just like I am willing to for her. It also bugs me that this has seemed like such a big deal for me; enough that I've considered leaving, but I'd feel like an ass for doing it over something like that. I've had a few of them before, but haven't had any for quite a while. All I can think of to explain it is that I'm curious again since I've forgotten if it's worth all the hype. Any suggestions to help her get past having been used for them, and maybe to the point of trying it once with me to see if it's different? I'm hoping time will let her see it would be different, but I don't know if that is true.

[RockchickUK]

You say ''I'm having trouble understanding her side completely. I see it as the person who was the problem, not the act. It's also confusing that at the same time she says she knows I wouldn't ever use her, she'd still feel used from the act of it.''

You are totally right, it IS the person not the act that's the problem. For whatever reason she now see's it as an impersonal act and a maybe degrading act that leaves her feeling used.

Some girls just don't like giving oral and that will never change.

It has now been made an even bigger issue as the subject has been talked about between the two of you, something that will always be there. Mentally it will be there for you both, for very different reasons.

I understand your frustration but if everything else in your relationship is fine, don't let a BJ be the downfall.

it may sound a bit Dr Phil, but tell her you love her and that you're not going to mention it again, just that it would really turn you on to see your girl doing the one thing that you see as an intimate act between the two of you.

Take away the untold pressure and see if that works,.

[Anonymous]

Well from what I've heard she is being very selfish. You are pleasuring her, but she isn't pleasuring you? That's just plain unfair. I don't really know what you can do, but to me it sounds like she just doesn't like them and is embarrassed to admit that to you therefore using the whole thing as an excuse.

[zozo123]

hi

i really don't like giening blow jobs to my boyfriend I don't no why its just every time I go near it I chicken out for sum reason or other..my boyfriend loves them and he wants one of me can you give me any advice on the situation that I am in ?

thanks

confused girl

[Anonymous]

What about suggesting a 69? It might be easier for her to not feel so "used" if you're pleasing her at the same time through the same act. If she agrees and then gets comfortable with that, it might make it easier for her to move to just a straight blowjob.

[Anonymous]

What about giving her one first? Then she might not feel like you're using her as "it's all give and no take" from you.

[Asker]

I have given her oral a number of times.

[Opinion Owner]

You could tell her you don't think its fair? If a guy asked me to give him blow jobs and never reciprocated I wouldn't stand for it, even with all the emotional stuff your girlfriend has. Also just tell her the part about you being curious for it, she should understand. If you've already done all of these things then your girlfriend really just needs to get over herself and her past relationships. I would sympathise with her if she didn't receive, but she does, so she seems a little selfish.