Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Auntie Ozanne's Guide to Talking About Herpes
So it happened.. someone gave you herpes and now you feel as if no one will want to sleep with you again. Now you fear you have to keep your herpes under control or skirt around it by refusing sex during your outbreaks all to prevent your next special-someone from finding out. You're angry, you feel like your health was put behind someone's selfishness and now you're paying for it.
The fact is, herpes is one of the most common STDs, and at this moment, almost 20% of all sexually active adults are carriers. Check for herpes information and statistics here.
But this probably isn't going to make you feel any better about the conversation you want to have with your next partner - as if fearing rejection for other reasons wasn't bad enough. Unless you opt in to STD dating sites where you know the people you will connect with are going through the same angst, meeting someone traditionally might make you anxious about how to have the talk with them about your herpes.
If any good can come from having herpes, it's the test of honesty and trust that you are willing to put up front for a new sexual partner. Think about it. Putting yourself out there, risking you will lose a potentially good partner, putting their health and decisions ahead of your desires - tells this new partner a whole lot more about you than the herpes itself. It shows you are being selfless and you have respect for them. You need to give your partner credit that they will find this to be a valuable trait if they want a relationship with you.
It is likely best that you have this conversation with your clothes on, and take a moment when you are not intimate to reveal that you have herpes. Here are some ideas to help make your herpetic coming-out a bit easier for both of you.
1. Talk about the past. Talk about your hopes and fears of things you've done, and include your herpes as something you wish you could change but can't. And make sure you reiterate that you are telling your partner this because you like them and respect them enough to share this with them.
2. Include humour. "Do you want the good news or bad news of what I'm about to tell you?... The good news is that I'm currently not having a herpes outbreak. The bad news is that I really am afraid if I told you this you'll hate me and never want to get involved with me."
3. Talk about condoms. Tell them you really wish you could have spontaneous sex, but you respect your partner too much to risk anything. This usually might have someone fearing the worst, but if asked, you can say, "It's just herpes, so no, it's nothing life threatening." (The truth about herpes is that is is a huge risk of transmitting HIV when outbreaks occur, otherwise the actual herpes virus is not life-threatening.) Know your herpes facts in case your partner has questions, and ease their mind about what herpes isn't, rather than what everyone thinks it is.
4. Don't act like it's the end of the world. Chances are, if your mood sours and you find yourself crying and upset to have to come clean, then it will naturally worry your partner and they will feel like this is horrible news. Don't give them any reason to worry, instead let them know this is a common STD and it doesn't affect your day-to-day life. You have a condition, and have outbreaks every couple of years (or whenever it is for you) and that's it. Yes, there is a chance your partner might eventually get it. It might be with you in this relationship through honesty - or someone else later on through betrayal. You have it, that's a fact, but your honesty is a fact too.
5. Your partner just might have it too and was too afraid to tell you. This communication opens up some doors to talk about many personal things that you and your partner both have bottled up. Perhaps they wanted to tell you they had genital warts? Getting this out of the way takes a great weight off both of your shoulders.
6. Promise to be safe, and that you'll see your doctor. Let your partner know you are a responsible adult and you take your sexual health seriously. Agree to take HIV and other STD tests to ease both of your minds. Tell them that whenever you feel an outbreak coming on, you will immediately consult your doctor to take Aciclovir or any other antiviral medication to keep the outbreak at bay, and that you will abstain from sex or use condoms to make sure you don't put your partner else at risk. Not only are you showing honesty, but you are showing responsibility - two very important factors when it comes to a healthy relationship with someone. Just by being this careful and sharing this with your partner tells them you truly care.
7. Let them decide. Your partner might decide that they don't wish to continue a relationship with you because of herpes. Think about how you felt having your decision taken away when someone gave you herpes and you didn't know (this is unless you were in a relationship with someone knowing they were a carrier). If your partner chooses to leave, believe me, you made the right choice in being honest! Think of how things might have been if you had an outbreak and they didn't know. No one is right or wrong here. You made a very courageous decision to be honest, and your partner made a personal decision to leave. However -- don't be surprised if all your partner needed was a night to go home and think, research herpes, appreciate your honesty, and give you a call or text a day, apologizing, and tell you they want to see you again. They could very well be thinking that you are worth having a relationship with, no matter what.
What Girls & Guys Said
8 16I got type 2 through a partner who didn't tell me.
The problem is the stigma associated with type 2 because in the past it was a sign that you were promiscuous, and that has made it seem far worse of a disease than it really is compared to type 1 (cold sores).
But think about it this way. Suppose you meet someone nice. A few dates later they show up with a cold sore on their face. We all know facial cold sores are herpes type 1. Would you really run for the hills? Or would you wait for it to disappear, and calmly continue with your relationship without giving it a second thought?
Personally, the first time, I got a big breakout. But the second and third times were as small as a facial cold sore, and it has been 6 years since then, and I've never had another one again.
People don't think of a cold sore the same way, unfortunately. I am a bit disappointed with the way people have responded here about just living in seclusion or "never having to worry about it", it's just ridiculously over the top and unrealistic. Herpes is just one of those things that is out there and has no real right to be viewed as awful as it is, but because it's something that affects the genitals, suddenly it's perception is that you should crawl in a cave and die, but the cold sores?--no big deal. It's pretty much the same thing, different part of the body. It's how people perceive it because of where on the body it is. I know it's not the same thing, but if you look at how people joked about Farrah Fawcett's anal cancer, had that cancer been anywhere else on her body it would have been perceived as awful, but given it was anal cancer, idiots everywhere had comments to make. Anything genitalia-related gets people frantic.
U have herpes? damn lol
Yes. A boyfriend many years ago infected me without telling me he had it, and without him showing signs of an outbreak. I knew it was him because I did not have sex for years before him, and the incubation period prior to a first-time outbreak is 2-20 days. My first (and only) outbreak was shocking because he told me he was clean from everything. (That taught me never to take someone's word for anything.) I learned from my doctor that since I had no previous outbreak then yes - it was him that passed it on to me. At that time, my doctor was quick to tell me that herpes is very common and that the virus can live in the fibres of the skin cells even without an outbreak (which is how I got it from him). When I confronted him about it, he lied... but when I explained to him with facts from the doctor, he then told the truth. What I went through, and seeing how badly he handled it was a testament of how herpes should *not* be talked about. Hence, this myTake.
Keep in mind too, many people are unaware that they have herpes, (or stds in general). Some people never have outbreaks, but are carriers.
What an asshole, damn. Lying and infecting you for life.