How to tell if a woman lied about virginity?

Question

I've been in a relationship for about year with a woman I've known of for about 10 years. Anyways, we are both in our late twenties. It all started with 2 dates and seeing each other daily in between those dates. I'd say by the 10th day of seeing each other we had sex for the first time.I figured that since we are both older that was perfectly normal even though to some it may seem like we rushed. However, what surprised me is that just before I entered her she informed me that she is a virgin. I've actually known a few women in their late twenties who are virgins so it did not exactly shock me as you might suspect. Now whether she truly was a virgin or not does not matter, but if she lied about it I don't understand why. As stated we are both in our late twenties and she knows I've been in relationships and have a child as well. I just can't figure out why in hindsight she would 'give it up' to me so quickly after waiting so long. Keep in mind that at the time we were just dating. We were not technically in a relationship yet. She did bleed a little, but that could have been from the start of a period or that perhaps she had not had sex in years. Again, it does not matter to me if she was a virgin or not, but it does matter if she lied about it. If she lied about that she can lie about anything.When I asked her why she chose me she said that it just felt right at the time. However, I also know that she was not a total nun before me. She had done oral with past boyfriends and told me about a casual oral fling she had that lasted off and on during college alum events. We had a session of sharing our sexual past when she told me that. She also said she had only done oral with 5 guys including me. She also revealed that she had not done anything sexual with a guy since 2005. Honestly, it really does not add up. I'm just concerned that she made it up for whatever reason. If so, that lack of honesty troubles me.  That is what I can't figure out. If she made it up, why? Why not just be upfront unless she honestly is being upfront. I just don't get it though. She admits to having a casual fling with a guy she barely knew at college alum parties that happened a few times in a time frame of a few months in 2005. But then when she meets me in 2010 she goes all the way in under a month? Doesn't that just seem strange?Also, having been with a virgin in the past I know that most women will rush out to tell their friends that they are no longer a virgin. That or everyone just assumes and it tends to become part of the conversation in some way. That did not happen. However, she is kind of a private person.I just don't want her to feel that she had to make that up to win me over or whatever women may think when they lie about virginity. I also don't want to offend her by asking point blank if she made it up for some reason. Again, it never mattered to me if she was a virgin or not. All that matters is that she is honest to me.

jacquesvol · Accepted Answer

Technically speaking, NO, there isn't a way to be sure a woman is a virgin. A missing hymen might be missing since birth or might have been thorn in a very innocent way: jumping, horse riding, ballet, using tampons, fingering herself. At 16 or at 6 or before.

A gyno couldn't know it, unless he examined her right after it happened, so how could a guy know it? She's the only one who knows.

Indeed, a hymen can be faked: the blood, by choosing a day at the beginning or the end of her period, the pain is as easy to fake as an orgasm:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-bsf2x-aeE

Enjoy Meg Ryan at Katz Delicatessen in 'When Harry met Sally", it's a cult scene in American movie history.

Being tight is also possible to fake -or not: some girls are just born wide. A dry vagina will feel tight of course.

If she doesn't want you to know it , you'll never know. But is it that important? I don't think so.

Is it important to know if she had vaginal sex? She told you she had oral sex. That should be enough: it's her past and everyone is entitled to his past.

"If she lied about that she can lie about anything." Or not: she can have lied just about that, only about that, for some stupid reason, because at that time she said it, she maybe thought it was the best thing to say and afterward it was to difficult for her to go back. Or she may speak the truth

Forget it, stop torturing yourself with it.

I think my wife was a virgin when I met her. I believe that because she told me so. She had had some boyfriends she made out with. I probably knew them. I never asked names or details. She doesn't talk about it. I'm OK with that: it's her past, she's entitled to have a past. If she wasn't a virgin, if she lied about that, she's still the same, the one I love. That's enough for me.

Believe your girl.

Mak2512 · Accepted Answer

On a completely diferent route. Were you wearing any protection?. Sometimes, People (men and women) use lines like " I am clean" or "you are the first "or "i am virgin" if they want to convince you to go ahead without a protection (may be it was that moment when its too difificult to stop and arrange for a condom)-:) lol...idk.

It may be just a white lie to convience you that you have nothing to worry about and you are safe. I am sorry to say that the way you are getting paranoid about it seems like your girlfriend know how you behave in small and petty things.

toulouse · Accepted Answer

#1. lots Of people have relationships where they don't have intercourse but they have oral or fingering etc. Its not that hard to believe. #2. Plus you say why would she just give it up but you said you've known her for ten years so its not exactly giving it up. If I like a guy I like him dating or not- It doesn't just start once things are recognized by both parties officially or w/e she may have felt like she knew you long enough to trust u- that too is not hard to believe. #3 The 3rd not that hard to believe thing, is reading about virgins being deflowered. If you've never done something- & I speak for myself here as well - it becomes very fascinating. I've read like probably hundreds of stories and no guys stuff has ever ben even remotely close to entering me.. yet I read & continue to...

You don't want to offend her by asking her point blank, but you do not mind disrespecting her by assuming she's a liar. You gotta set your sh*t straight. Either it bothers you enough to talk to her- or you let it go. Its irrational to expect a better answer from us* than she can give you, when she is alive and well and you can talk to her about it in the flesh. Or to expect you'll be at peace from a few agreed or disagreed, comments on this site. Ask her or trust her. End of story.

You're right- you've got a daughter , so for her sake don't be a hypocrite :)

Don't start off with suspicion. You thinking she is lying and not talking to her, is like her lying to you about w/e. Stop the game now- before you get used to it.

Good luck :)

AnUnquietMind · Accepted Answer

it may very well be possible that indeed she was a virgin. Take into consideration how long you two have known each other... 10 years... for her that may have been a sign that she could trust you if you'd been in her life for that long. And the whole bleeding when you loose your virginity... yeah.. isn't always true. It is far too easy for a woman to accidentally pop her own hymen so that doesn't mean anything. heck a tampon can do it. But that is besides the point. The fact is that she told you she was a virgin before hand. That's an honest step. She could have told you after then it would be manipulative. Trust her judgement. it takes balls to admit to a man especially in your late 20s that you're a virgin. and what woman really wants to admit that when there are a lot of men who won't touch virgins with a 10' pole? You can't build a relationship with her if you're automatically assuming she's lying. Give her the benefit of the doubt and be happy.

amandamaragni · Accepted Answer

lol OK if she bled after having sex then she was a vigin. DOnt look to far into it bud. I don't think that she would start her period at that very moment, I know when I'm on my time of the month I don't even think about sex. So why would she give it to you that night. I think you are picking whatever you have good apart because you are scared that something might actually work out. I was a virgin till I was 17 and I wanted to save it until I was married but then I started dating this guy that I fell for, he did not rush anything, did not pressure me or anything, it just felt right at that moment. It was my decision and I gave it up to him. Be thankful for it, and the truth will come out if she was lying by chance but I dought it. Maybe she was one of those girls that didn't get pretty until after high school. If I were in your shoes I would play it by hear, and just have fun. Let go a little

countygirl · Answer

I don't know if this helps or not, but here goes.

I was 30 when I lost my virginity. But he was the first guy I ever even dated ( first kiss & everything).

Things went kind of fast, but we knew each other for years before hand, he pursued me for three years and asked me to be his girlfriend on our first date.

The moment I said yes to that, I was committed in my own mind.

Perhaps she felt a commitment to you before you too were an official couple. Maybe things did feel right to her or maybe she kind of f carried away at the time.

People change as they get older, so she may veiw relationships differently now then she did in 2005 when she was dating those other guys.

It sounds like this is really bothering you and if so - it will effect your relationship. You need to talk to her and clear the air.

Just be honest and dirrect without being confrontational.

Best of luck

bgfaah · Answer

I don't think she actually lied about it. I went 6 years without having sex agian and I didn't bleed from the sex, so she wasn't lying about it. Because you only bleed when you are a virgin. She told you she was a virgin because she trusted that you being her first that she would be safe and that even though it hurt a little or a lot. I think most woman tell the person that they want to be with that she hadn't had sex ever. Why would she be upfront about everything but lying about being a virgin. I was raped I told the boyfriend up front because I may have a had a flashback or something to set me off on that night. I honestly think she was being up front about it. Best of luck to you.

Enuflogic · Answer

She very well could have been.  My wife was V when we met, and gave it up after 3 weeks.  It was just the right time, she was ready, it felt right, we really hit it off...call it what you want, but it worked.  That was 12 years ago, been married for 6 and have 2 wonderful boys.  The only over V I've been with was the same way, she was just ready, I was the right guy, whatever.  It happens, don't read too much into the "Why me, why so fast" thing or you could ruin a good thing.

timetowaste · Answer

I think you might be a little paranoid, to be honest. College is the place for casual flings. All the way or not. She's getting older and has likely moved passed that part of her life. Sometimes things just feel right, even if you're not sure why. I think she might be telling you the truth, of course I don't know her. Sometimes things don't have a rhyme or reason.

greengurl-e07 · Answer

Some  women think that after going so long without sex can make you like a born again virgin. I know in my case the first person I went with was so horrible and such a jerk that I don't really count him as the person I lost it to. So when my boyfriend that I wanted to lose it to asked I told him I was and I bled too becaue it had been so long anyways.

reeltaulks · Answer

You seem like someone who compares everyone and everything to what they are accustomed to. Why does she have to be like everyone else? Maybe she is telling you the truth and maybe she isn't who knows. Only you will know in time that is, because time always reveals the truth. Yes there are a lot of psychos running around lying and doing all type of stuff but at the end of the day it shouldn't matter to you unless you love her. If you do love her you will find all of the answers to your questions sooner than later. You cannot cookie cut and expect everyone to be like everyone else. Maybe she really connected to you and likes you, so that is why she did "it so soon". If the truth be told if she was being dishonest why would she share her oral experiences with you? Oh hell I don't know, like I said...If she is important to you and you Love her...I said Love not like or infatuation! Then in time you will get the answers to the above question..>CiaO

Vonda G. Nelson

Americanman · Answer

I don't think she would have any reason to lie. Why would she say that if you were already about to enter as you say. You already wanted her so she didn't need to attract you even more. When you add that to the blood you say you saw it all adds up to her being a virgin. She probably really liked you at that time and just decided she couldn't stand waiting any longer.

Justbug87 · Answer

there is a chance that she had decided it was time to move to the next level. with some women it does not matter about the man (ok so sorry if I hurt feelings) it is a personal decision with ourselves that we (me myself and I) are ready for the next step. I did this but trust me I wish I had choosen a better guy. I am also a private person so I only told 2 other people. This is partly because this was a decision with myself not an "I'm so in love I want to share this oh so important thind with him" moment. (again please don't take offence). Do you have another reason to think she is lying? If the truth of her virginity weren't in question would you still question her honesty? I hope I have helped I just wanted to show you another point of view.

madiocre · Answer

Even though you have only just started dating technically you aren't actually really getting to know each other because you have known each other for 10 years you guys are just moving into  the dating whelm. Offcourse all the initial dating stuff like first times are going to happen faster . Ultimately she already has trust in you so even though she is a virgin(to intercourse) she already trusted you and so she didn't really have to wait. I don't think she lied I think she probably would have been a little hung up about it otherwise she would have told you as soon as you started dating not just before sex like that.

katiesmuff · Answer

Sounds very much like you are making a mountain out of a mole hill here.

moisha · Answer

senario 1

Beeing a virgin amon thousand of non virgins in your enviremont is sometimes hard because it gives you the feeling your like some kind of a weirdo. You already have a kid and have had relationsships so she knows you obviously aren't a virgin anymore. waiting that long for the right guy is hard because you don't wanna make a bad decision. And if she gives it to you, she decided that you were the one because else she wouldn't do it with you trust me. (im a virgin to)

senario 2

She kind of is a whore and knows that your not one and wanted to let you know that she is a dime, untouched, like a virgin. because like I said I'm a virgin and would never put a man penis is my mouth is he isn't my borfriend. A real virgin doesn't do things like that. who does that; I will suck a random but will not have sex? wtf

sufi633 · Answer

if you're wondering... ask her about it. I don't think this is something that should be avoided

Camilus · Answer

If she has a kid

Memoryfalls · Answer

Why should she lie to you about that? I don't quite get it.

As I see it, she's quite honest about everything telling you about her "sex" life and you turn it against her, because you can't imagine her to have stayed a virgin all those years.

Just take her word for it...again why shouldn't you?

FashionNerd · Answer

why can't you just believe her? why  do you have to think she lied?

Phoma21 · Answer

Maybe she just decided not to wait anymore. You could have broken her hymen who knows, you're gonna have to take her word. Some guys do like making love to virgins for some reason, if she wasn't and actual virgin maybe she had been celibet(sp?) for the past few years?

Asailum · Answer

Like BreathMe said, you are freaking out right now. That is pretty wimpy and your just ruining anything potential by worrying about IF she maybe lied to you. Even if she slept with someone before, who f***ing cares? What are you some uptight prude or something? Seems like she has to lie to you because your so godamn judgmental about things.

BreathMe · Answer

she was a virgin. she told you right before. you couldve stopped if it freaked you out. because you kind of seem like you're freaking out. she felt it was right because you've known each other for 10 years. despite if you were only dating 10 days. she clearly has always had feelings for you then. you are definately putting way too much thought into it. dont. just enjoy what you have for the time being. if you're lucky it could go somewhere. and "keep in mind", she was honest.

Alexeiv · Answer

Seems she's overtly self conscious. In my experience girls past 22 who preach virginity fall into one of the following categories:

1. She comes from a strict household and doesn't want any guy to think she's anything short of wholesome

2. She still thinks guys think it's sexy when a girl is a virgin and hasn't been with anyone else

3. She's a former party girl who for one reason or another wants to change that by recreating herself

4. She wants to start fresh with a guy so she doesn't feel cheap

or magic number 5: She doesn't want you to ask about her past sexual relationships!

Xenophobia · Answer

If she did, its probably because she's embarrassed about it.  She's afraid that you would judge her negatively.

brunettebelle · Answer

Usually you can't tell because the whole popping cherry thing is not how. There are many ways to take it out. Some people could have been raped but they are a virgin at heart. Plus there are many virgins who have friends that gives them info and tips.

05Jueey · Answer

Did you end up with her?

Nessita07 · Answer

If she knew you for 10 years, I'm sure at some point she thought about losing it to you  because she thinks your worth it. Yes, you did started to date for 10 days but you know each other for TEN years! :| C'mon, maybe she is was a virgin and was waiting for someone like you so give her the benefit of doubt. If this is really bothering you and you want her in your life then be straight up and ask, the worst is that she lied but also is kinda bad that you doubted her. The most important thing is communication so speak up! =) Good Luck!

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not really sure if she's lying or not, to be honest. Unless she lies a lot, I would take her word for it.

And for the record, bleeding during sex can happen to any women, no matter how much sex they have or how long ago they had sex last. It can be caused by little rips that happen if she is too dry and tight, which means that she needs more stimulation and perhaps some lube. Some women have this problem when they aren't aroused enough, are stressed, on certain medications, or have low libidos. Despite the stereotype, not all women bleed their first time, and some bleed in the umpteenth time.

Anonymous · Answer

Women will not bleed after not having sex for a couple of years, that only happens when the hymen is broken or she is on her period. Did she feel really tight when you went in her? Did you hear/feel a small pop? I have kind of a similar history as her, but I am younger and there are more elements to it. I did casual oral with bfs for years then was raped by someone I was having a casual relationship. I was ashamed (and still am, which is why I posted this annoy.)  so I don't really count it but the first person I did have willing sex with was my current fiance, and when I had sex with him it was basically the second date when we just started dating. We tried to have sex the first time we hung out but I was too tight (It was miracle, my hymen wasn't broken, he got to brake it when we first had sex).

Anonymous · Answer

well you have known her for 10 years so its likely that maybe she wanted to lose her virginity and did it with you because she felt so comfortable with you. its not like she met you 10 weeks ago or 10 days ago lol

the bleeding is big sign that she was still a virgin

honestly why rack your brain about it? she was a virgin. why are you being really suspicious about it? its not as if she'd win a prize for lying about being a virgin. just believe her. shoot I believe her! everything you said points to the fact she gave her virginity toyou. she was actually very open and honest with you and you're still questioning her. I wouldn't even tell a guy every facet of my sexual history right down to all the details but she did. just let it go. it sounds like you're looking for a reason to bail anyway. that has to suck for her, she waited 22 years to give her virginity to a guy she thought she could be close to and then he leaves over some lie he made up in his head

Anonymous · Answer

I had to always get close to breaking up with my girl before she would tell me how far she got.

She always hid things from me, so after breaking her heart twice, she finally told me.

Don't call me insensitive or anything, it's just that it's usually the guy who hides it. I told her everything, but she kept hiding how far she got.

A heart break will do the job, son.

;D

Anonymous · Answer

I had a guy do the oppisite... lie and say that he had slept with a girl before me because he was embarressed about not sleeping with someone and being 18.. I was upset but I forgave him and we are still together after 3 years.. if you like someone enough something as stupid as that shouldn't matter. Honesty of course does but then if you can't get some *sorry blunt* balls to talk to her.. then what's the point in continuing a relationship if your forever parranoied? I can understsand that your worried about the child but its not a healthy environmenet for a child to be in around someone whos always stressed and worried.. no happiness there. If you can't have a serious convo with her then don't bother dating her.

How to tell if a woman lied about virginity?

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