How to you get over your fear of losing your virginity?

[Sakurachan789]

hey guys I'm 18 years old an I'm terrified of losing my virginity I don't know why... I've been ofter to have sex I just can't bring my self to do it don't get me wrong I've messed around just Haven't done the deed i do have a past of sexual abuse so maybe that's the cause of it but I wonder if other people also have the same fear an does it change you as a person after you have sex? does it hurt? an how can it effect relationships?

[ObscuredBeyond]

The sex abuse showed you that sex, while intended to be a sacred gift for the covenant of marriage, is easily perverted and corrupted, and can be weaponized and/or turned into something shameful. And the only side of it you have exposure to is the shameful side of it.

Therefore, you cannot dissociate the shame of what was done to you from the beauty of what it would be like if you were married to someone who is suited for you. I have a sister who's happily married, who now wonders how she ever thought she could settle for the creep boyfriend she had beforehand. She's had to re-learn to view sex in light of her marriage as a good thing, and dissociate that from the way her ex-boyfriend once used her. The memories of what he did do still bother her though. So as long as you live, the ghost will always linger. The trick is to find someone who can get you to see the ghost as no-longer-relevant.

Learning to love again before you pursue sex will help keep the haunting memories in their place. Pursuing sex for the sake of sex because a "friend" told you that you needed to will only add more shame to your equation, one way or another. Avoid making friends like that if it comes down to it.

[ak1981]

If you know once you taste bitter then whole life you get sweet, what you do? Breaking a virginity is same like that.

[beerY33]

Being scared of sex is normal, but your past probably isn't helping you out. Since we don't know what happened and we aren't psychologists, it's kind of hard to say exactly why you're scared or what is going to help you get over it. I'd recommend talking to a therapist about the abuse- short term therapy can be helpful for that sort of thing. But regardless of how you choose to deal with the fear, just make sure you've conquered it before you do it.

I guess also what I'd say to someone who was scared about sex without having been abused is that with the right person you should (and will) feel comfortable.

[Justme1523]

You're just not ready yet. It can change you as a person by making you feel guilt or dirty or some negative things like that. It usually hurts. For some girls it doesn't hurt too bad but for others it was quite painful, as long as he's super gentle it shouldn't be terribly painful. If a relationship is deep and strong it can enrich it and add depth to it. For a younger more casual relationship it can cause you to become too attached to the point of it being unhealthy.

[saragee27]

Give yourself time. Once you find someone who you love and trust completely it will be less nerve-wracking. When you are ready it will come naturally. It might hurt a tad, but nothing too bad. And if it's with the right person who loves and respects you it only deepens your connection and enhances your relationship.

[whynot123]

Sex with love is amazing, but that takes time. You need to really know someone before you get there. Sex should not be an end result because of your age...I agree take your time, at some point, it will feel natural to you.

[kenrs64]

Take your time

[Anonymous]

Don't rush it.