Humiliation fantasies..I love and hate them..what do I do?

[Anonymous]

OK so I have some really dark humiliation fantasies ( I Will describe the 2 big kinds below) I almost always fantasize about these things when I masturbate...I can't really get off to "normal" stuff anymore...I mean...I feel aroused when I do it..but also dreadful and then when I'm done...I feel awful and depressed..what should I do? I don't think I could talk to a counselor about these things..here's what I'm dealing with: -Small Penis Humiliation: I fantasize about girls making fun of my penis size and telling me how pathetic it is (I am fairly undersized, but somewhat close to average) -Penectomy-Castration: I watched the move "teeth" about a girl with a toothed vagina that gets revenge on dudes by biting off the guy's penises...I fantasize about a girl having that ability and biting my penis off...then mocking me and making fun of me after its over and I have no penis and gloating that she has robbed me of my manhood... I get off on these things but I feel awful..its a real blow to my self-esteem...It's like I can't imagine a girl being intimate with me without wanting to hurt me or humiliate me...I also think I've developed a paranoia about women..thinking every female would wish to harm me and couldn't ever genuinely care for me... What should I do?

[clovisx]

I think the first thing to do is to separate fantasy and reality. There are things I get excited by and afterwards feel uncomfortable about but I realize that it is a fantasy, it didn't happen, it's not going to happen and I don't worry about it. I know what you mean though and it can be troubling and weigh on your mind.

I would suggest looking at what it is about the fantasy that you enjoy and then try and find a more positive way to experience that part without the possible negatives. It sounds like you are uncomfortable with your penis size. In my opinion, if you make peace with that, or at least come to terms with it, you'll have a healthier outlook on what you've got and how women will respond to it.

There is a whole fetish of people who are into what you enjoy, in case you decide to (or can't stop obsessing about/want to actually) hurt your penis. It's called CBT C*** & Ball Torture. From what I've seen with this, you are not alone and there are others who enjoy the humiliation and pain for real.

In the end it all boils down to what you want.

If you want a woman to genuinely love you and care for you, be yourself and either seek out a relationship that is positive and supportive where you won't be judged or explore the fetish and see if that kind of lifestyle is what you want to do. Some people can live with feet in both worlds, have a normal, loving, respectful relationship in their everyday lives and then beat the hell out of each other in the bedroom because that's what gets them off.

[selfishstars]

Excellent answer!

[Browser101]

Agree 100%!

[l-hedoniste]

Imagine a girl who masturbates to humiliating guys, and she's on a desperate hunt for a guy she can play with. Imagine the luck she's having:

To a small, specific group of women, you're a really damn hot commodity. You just have to find them and leverage that. How? Be public, be vocal, be fun, get past the shame.

Consider: if you have to be ashamed of yourself, then your partner has to be ashamed of themselves. They're signing up to share your fantasy with you, and healthy people don't sign up for shame.

[selfishstars]

There are a decent amount of people who also enjoy these kinds of things and may or not feel the same way about them (i.e. really enjoying it, but feeling ashamed about it).

The good news is, it is possible to find a woman who enjoys them too, but who also cares about you. They're definitely a more rare species, but you'd probably be more likely to find them if you get involved with the BDSM community in your area. It is possible to have a loving and respectful relationship with someone, but both people still enjoy domination/submission, humiliation/degredating, and sadomasochism in the bedroom. You can do these things, but still care about each other deeply.

[Asker]

But I mean honestly for me....I really don't enjoy it...even if I did have a girl doing it with me...I'd still feel awful afterwards like we were simulating something hurting me and that she was only interested because she could feel like she's hurting me

[selfishstars]

I wish I could give some better advice. Personally, I'm into being dominated, receiving pain and humilation/degredation, but when I do it, it's with someone I trust. A kind of tame example would be my partner slapping me across the face and calling me a disgusting whore while in the bedroom. That's a turn on for me, but I also know that my partner doesn't actually feel that way and would never do that outside of sex; I know that he cares about me and respects me.

[Browser101]

In my experience, when both partners love each other, they enjoy pleasuring each other. This includes fulfilling fantasies that they do not share themselves. They feel happy and turned in knowing that they are turning you on. Your first dilemma however is to accept yourself and what makes you you. Don’t be ashamed, just own it. Once you accept it you will gain loads of confidence. CBT and BDSM is actually quite common as a fetish. I personally love having my girl interested in hurting my penis but it’s different from her hurting me personally in my view. We are hurting the penis/balls together as a shared activity that we both have fun with. We both love and enjoy each other on many levels outside this bedroom play. I think that most people who have these fetishes don’t talk about them and they become repressed and cause psychological stress and injury. Being confident in who you are and what you like is the first step to a successful relationship. And brother you are not the only one. If a girl threatens me with CBT or penectomy or castration or penis humiliation, I am over the top incredibly turned on. I’ve been that way since I was very young, don’t know why, but I accept it and love myself and play away to my hearts content. My partners have accepted me and gotten a kick out of seeing me so turned on and happy. In turn I enjoy fufilling their secret sexual desires. Carrying around repressed emotions and desires will hurt you.

[Mickbert]

Humiliation is SOOOOOO hot! I love it when she either makes fun of my size or puts me in a situation that gets me embarrassed!

[Anonymous]

Paranoia is good for you it helps you survive... women are evil, they will enslave and ruin your life, avoid them at all costs...