I'm both extremely turned on and hurt about my girlfriend's sexual past.

[Anonymous]

I guess this might be more of a question for the guys. My girlfriend had told me some detail about a sexual encounter she had in the past. It's weird because it depressed me a great deal, and yet it would turn me on. Does any other guy know what I mean? It's weird. It really bothers me sometimes, but yet, and use it quite a bit for material to think about as I masturbate - even a few times when I have sex. I want to ask her more details about the encounter to the purpose of turning me on, but I'm conflicted, because what if it depresses me even more? Any guys (or girls) out there have any words of advice?

[themanrighthere]

It's a complex subject. If someone has left their past behind them, and is physically and emotionally healthy, then maybe it's worth it to try and have a relationship. But in the overwhelming majority of cases, a promiscuous sex life is indicative of other personality problems. I have yet to meet a woman who has slept with over 50 men and has managed to lead a successful long-term, monogamous relationship.

Furthermore, I think that guys that don't care about their partner's pasts at all, don't have intense feelings for her. When you really love someone, you want to not only know about who they are, but who they were. And when you really care for someone and you find out that lots of people before you had them, it can trigger a strong emotional response that has zero to do with our rational minds -- which know that it shouldn't matter -- and is very difficult to deal with.

I struggled with this issue for years. The only thing that ever helped me was a guide I bought over at SheWasASlut.com — the author was the first I’ve ever seen that gave a complete and accurate description of what we go through, why we go through it...and how to deal with it.

[themastaplan]

number one YOU NEED TO STOP BEING DEPRESSED OVER HER TELLING YOU THIS...she did this with people BEFORE YOU...aka she had no idea you two would be together at the point these encounters occured...be a man and understand that the past is the past it should NOT affect your relationship unless she f***ed you over some how...

number two, if you can't handle getting turned on and possibly getting hurt by what she tells you tehn you shouldn't ask in the first place...

number three...i can't stress this enough - THIS ALL HAPPENED BEFORE YOU, why on EARTH is this making you depressed? because she isn't doing it to or with you? I mean what the hell dude I understand that it may be upsetting to hear what she did with other guys, but tis none of your business really and it shouldn't matter because she's with you at the moment...so seriously stop being dramatic about the situation...i feel you and understand where your coming from but it needs to stop

hope this helps...seriously tho the past is the past, keep your head up and remind yourself that she's with you now, no one else

[Asker]

I appreciate you thoughts. I truly do. I guess one part of the depression is knowing that I'll never get to do the things she did. I'm completely cool with her being with others before me. It's kinda weird, basically, if we had done the same types of things before we met each other, I'd feel better. There's this haunting feeling that I've missed out on this stuff, and she got to experience it and has moved on to serious relationships.

[themastaplan]

Why not do the crazy things with her? unless of course you're talking about she's been in a 3some or 4some or whatever...if that's the case and you don't mind watching a guy phuck your girl or your girl watching another girl phuck you then go for it...i mean you'll probably wanna do it with someone you'll both NEVER see again...just my thought on that...but if its stuff she's done to other guys why not let her do it to you...

[2doves4me]

I feel disgusted by my bf's sexual past. I think he was with a whore and did a whole bunch of stuff like lived at a whore house (where the three women there he was with was f***ing a ton of men outside of marriage just because they could, and he was f***ing one of them). I find it appalling... and they did some super kinky sexual things like things I don't think he wanted to continue to tell me but I want him to tell me because I have the right to know since I am with him even though I get really mad at him for been doing all that stuff in a whore house... and living at the whore house for 3 years with a whore... and letting her sleep with half the town while he slept with her. I feel depressed knowing all those men she slept with, he slept with through her and I through him. How disgusting. People these days. He was only with her for the sex, she never loved him, and now what? now I deal with the sins he did in his past... with is current state of mind is screwed up. sheesh... POS

[hisangel]

Well I don't have any experience with that so I can't say what I know about it. But I do know it can be dangerous to ask someone about their past in detail. It may be turning you on to see her in such a sexual light or maybe it's because she did all these things with other guys but is now with you that kind of makes you the man cause she choose you. But you might stumble onto something that is not a turn on but completely depressing. You might find out a certain kind of person or activity or place is in her past that really upsets you. And if you are having a hard time with it now when it turns you on, you may end up having a hard time with no turn on anymore. Just feeling bad that you know she did all those things.

[Anonymous]

I never cared about my boyfriend's past. It's in the past, and those people aren't around anymore. Everybody has a right to take their path, and sometimes it's not a good one. It's part of growing up.

As for your fantasy, I can relate. I get aroused when I think about watching a boyfriend with another girl. It's not something I want to act out in real life, but it's my mental fuel for lonely nights :)

[beans]

Get over it...if you feel it's making you depressed, then forget about it. If it's something you want to do, then tell her - but without knowing what on earth that thing was, nobody can give you any better advice. We have no idea what's actually bothering you, you posted a question that basically can't be asnwered.

[katiesmuff]

Why would any past sexual encounter your girl might of had before you were in the picture bother you? What is past is past!

[Asker]

I guess because maybe it something I didn't experience, and since I'm with her now, I don't think I'll ever experience it... or maybe because it puts her in an extremely slutty light. I'm not sure why I feel bad about it. I guess I'm still trying to work that out. I guess if I had did what she did, I wouldn't feel as bad because we're both in the boat, and I have no right to think of her as slutty because I did the same thing.

[debsman]

It puts her in an extremely slutty light? Who are you to judge? She had and enjoyed a HUMAN sexual experience. That doesn't make her a slut. You need to get off your "Holier than thou" high horse, or go find yourself a virgin.

[Asker]

I don't think I'm holier than thou. I'm confused... you seem to be suggesting that no matter what anyone does, they can't be considered a slut? If that's the case, doesn't that mean the word slut has no meaning at all? Look, there are a lot of conflicting feelings here, and it seems to me that you think I'm debating leaving her, which is not the case. But like it or not, learning about a significant others sexuals past can be troubling, girl or guy. You get off your high horse, we're all human

[katiesmuff]

You give no information about what this slutty deed she did was? Would be hard to judge without knowing that, because just having sex pretty much regardless how kinky before you came along does not constantute thinking of her as slutty.

[TheMightyWind]

Some people get off on being degradated perhaps its a fetish for you?

[cathy23]

Yea I think telling your past turns some guys on, you have to be careful what you share with them.

[TwiztedTD]

I kinda feel for you. My wife had a somewhat slutty past that bothers me sometimes. She was younger, and was hanging out with the wrong crowed. She now looks back and hates her past as well. But somedays I just get to angry with the things in her past. But I just keep looking forward. But I have the same problem too, sometimes it p*sses me off, sometimes it turns me on.

[Asker]

Thanks, it's good to know that I'm not alone.

[TwiztedTD]

Who can disagree with this?

[hisangel]

I'm finding people in their teens and 20's disagree with any sense of jealousy toward our partners past sexuality. I assume they are being taught that you don't have the right. It's a fun theory but doesn't play out in life when there is love. So don't take the down arrow personally.

[damien6969]

im the same homie, her past, turns me on. lol.. I don't know why I'm trying to find out too

[NormanMent]

Seccond tip, It also turns me on to know about her past, so I try to ask her about her past like half an hour before I plan on asking for a BJ. Listen calmly so you bottle up the energy, and once she is blowing you, say the nastyest and most denigrating sh*t that comes out of your heart, and make her feel like a hore. That will make you feel better, trust me. Also ask her to give you a rim job, then don't kiss her after she does it for the rest of the day, that also will make her feel like a hore. She wants to be a hore, let her be the queen of hores. And ofcourse if she banged all those dudes and forgave them for denigrating her, she will forgive you for talking sh*t and making fun of her for doing you a rim. Trust me.

[NormanMent]

Don't listen to the crowd. You have all the right to be depressed. It's like if someone spat on your favorite meal. All this idiots are gonna tell you saliva is harmless, and you should still enjoy your meal (in a logical way they are right, but not in an emotional way). Well My best advice is feel depressed, so when she brakes up with you just remember how bad she made you feel and feel glad the chances of meeting a virgin are higher once she brakes up with you (cuz she will brake up with you, because she doesn't see men as human any more, she just sees them as dildos with a wallet, and just like she broke up with all those other guys she will brake up with you, and you can be sure that her past tells you her future). Well, tell me when she brakes up with you, and I can give you some advice to hook up with decent girls.