I don't want to be a virgin anymore :(

[ivarei]

ok, I don't think I'm unfortunate looking, (I don't want my photo to by hidden, that's why I'm not making this anonymous) I'm 19, I'm a virgin. I've not had many boyfriends because I'm REALLY afraid of being hurt...it's happened to me 4 times and I don't know if I could handle it happening again. bit I'm sick of being a naive virgin, I want to experience it but I don't want to give myself up to just anyone...if I found the right guy, I wouldn't be the prude and wait 6 months...any advice for finding a non-asshole who's worth it?

[inflammen]

Wow, this question hits close to home.

I was a virgin until just this year. The decision started out as a religious one and then as the religious reasons subsided, they were replaced by safety reasons and the simple fact that I'd waited 19, 20, 21 years and could wait a few more until I got married so that I could share my first time with my wife. Anyway, that idea eventually wore out too as everyone my age had already had sex. Finally I started feeling like the guy who moves a haystack with a pair of tweezers--everyone was really impressed, but nobody was stupid enough to actually do it too. I decided that I needed to dump the virginity but couldn't find anyone who was worth giving my first to since I'd waited so long. It's a very tricky subject (especially if you've been a virgin for 19 years and have attached a lot of meaning to it). Here are some factors to consider:

1. You are not going to have any trouble finding someone who wants to have sex with you. You are very attractive. Don't add unnecessary stress.

2. Losing your virginity will cause an emotional change (it doesn't for people who don't care about it, but if you feel strongly about it and if it means a lot to you, then it's going to have an impact). If you are worried about getting hurt, then you might want to date someone for a long time beforehand as sex will definitely put you through a little rollercoaster if you aren't that experienced with dating.

3. Being a virgin doesn't mean you are naive. It means you haven't had sex, but it doesn't mean that you can't fathom what sex is like (physically, emotionally, or otherwise). Sex is a more intense version of fooling around. You've messed around with guys before so you know the emotional changes that occur. Add a stronger emotional element and you have a good idea. You've done other things for the first time. Add a stronger stigma and you can understand losing your virginity. Obviously, your thoughts might not be perfectly accurate, but it is not difficult to get a good idea of what all of this means despite your lack of experience. Don't assume that you know less than other people or that you are naive simply because you are a virgin.

4. As for finding a dude who's worth it? That's tough (especially if they find out that you are looking for someone to give your virginity to--I've seen a lot of assholes act like they were nice guys for a looong time just to get in an innocent girl's pants and leave her). Honestly, I think the best advice would be to relax. When the guy comes, things will fall into place. Like with any other relationship, if you are trying to find it, then you'll just end up with the first jackass you meat while the great guys pass you by.

I hope this helps. This is really a huge topic and I'd be happy to give you more advice if you want it. It was a huge struggle for me and if I can help it be an easier one for you, I'd love to. PM me if you want to talk or update us on here.

[Wildcard]

I understand what you are saying on not wanting to be hurt. but have you taken the time to think about what things you would want in a lover. like, just think about what kinds of things would make you feel awesome. maybe things like comfort, security, connection. and instead of only seeing the darker side of people, seek what things in them you want. and if they don't have those things, I'm sure lots of other guys will.

go out, enjoy yourself, make friends, meet people. don't be afraid to screen your lover beforehand.

[ivarei]

Yeah, a little bit of reliability would be nice =]

[gummibear233]

You have to do what is best for you. Remember that your virginity isn't something you can give twice. You have waited too long for you to just have sex with anyone. I am sure you want your first-time to be with someone special. Wait till you find the right person--you will know and it doesn't mean waiting 6 months it means waiting until you are comfortable with him. Sex is not something that you want to regret. Also don't be stupid when making this decision--know his history and ask to see the papers.

[Sheryl]

then you can always become a hooker like I am to my two boyfriends. its awesum. you get sex and you no longer are a virgin, solves d problem 4 yah. yeah, you are prude.

[Jarett]

Sure, solves her virginity problem, but then she has a whole new problem, being a slut.

[ivarei]

Haha, yeah, thanks for that...i might be a prude, but at least I'm not completely used.

[metaldave20]

you're like me, I'm an open virgin, just means I'm a virgin plan to remain one till marriage, unless the right opp. comes up, (so basically alcohol related sex is a no-no)

[tiredofwaiting33]

Same exact situation as me except I'm not afraid of getting hurt I just don't want to be a virgin.

[here4you]

well its sorta an oxymoron/irony saying I want to be in a relationship and not get hurt

Shakespeare said this quote "when did the course of love ever run smooth?"

and he is right

when ur in love you have to take that risk of getting hurt because you have to realize what is a better benefit you wondering if he was the one? or you getting hurt? and time heals all wounds

so you just have to get over it and look for the good guys not necessarily the hot looking ones cause they are mostly the as*holes but the decent looking ones

[tobiasfawn]

i understand im still a virgin myself and im looking for the right girl to lose it to but you don't have to be a naive virgin you can know a whole lot about sex and still not have had it.

[Anonymous]

it's a pretty tiny thumbnail, but you look fine to me.

As for meeting a nice guy, be active in your community. Join clubs, and volunteer for charity causes.

[ivarei]

You click on the thumb nail and it'll take you to my profile, then you can click on photos and make them bigger.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, I did that. You are still a pretty good looking girl. If you were telling me you aspired to be a model, I would say, ok--maybe a nose job might be in order. But, you have expressed no such aspirations. You are just an ordinary person, and compared to an ordianry person, you are better than average looking. Honestly, I would date you in a heartbeat.

[Opinion Owner]

Seriously, though--overall, you are an attractive girl. I don't lie. I told you the truth about your nose, right? so you know I'm honest. You are nice looking.

[ivarei]

Lol, yeah, I'm not a fan of my nose either. it's my defining jewish quality haha and yeah, I have been offered a modeling job once or twice. but I'm more interested in being an archaeologist :)