I feel disgusted at myself...

Me and my ex recently cut things off. When we were arguing last night he told me, "I've heard way too many stories and I know a lot of guys you've been with." that really hurt me. I've never been called a slut, hoe, or anything of the above before. Usually I am called a prude! So after this comment I started to really think. After I lost my virginity at 16 I kinda went on a rampage. I was immature and I loved the attention so I had sex with 4 diff guys when I was 16. In totally I've slept with 7 guys and I'm going to turn 18 this summer. Now, I have a lot more respect for myself and I only have sex with guys who mean something to me. But now looking back on my past I feel really disgusted with myself. DO you think I should? Please, no hurtful comments. I've been hurt too much within the past few months and my self esteem is suffering. uhg.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'll try to avoid hurtful comments, only because you requested... BUT... I will try to leave (what I feel to be) truthful comments.

    I think you hate the feeling of being alone, you like companionship, but I feel that you are also interpreting what love is, and when to have sex. Now mind you, you first off, need to look at what's wrong, and how you can fix it. You've had sex with guys that "mean something" to you... but honestly... I don't think that cuts it. I'm sure by now, guys have probably told each other, and all in all, they probably think you're "easy." Any guy that feels that will try to "mean something to you." You need to avoid relationships for now. Just focus on graduation and just building yourself up. When you get out of school, try again in college. Try having a relationship, but you need to avoid sex. You've got to understand that there is more to an intimate relationship than saying, "I love you," and "Do you trust me (in bed)?" I'm an avid supporter of abstinence, but to each his own... regardless though, you need to wait, because I'm positive that you weren't in these relationships long until you've had sex. maybe a month? Possibly less?

    To answer the question, should you feel disgusted? Yeah, probably. The key is to realize what you did didn't help the situation, and was probably the wrong way to go about things, but then just get over it. I don't mean be apathetic and not care, but learn from this. Don't do things like this and then expect sympathy. Sure you might get a little attention out of it, but more than anything I think you're hurting yourself. As far as I see it, I'm giving you advise, and others are as well... so its up to you to do something with it... and if you don't, I'm sure none of us will care what happens from here on out... because this is your responsibility and its your concern to be mature.

    All in all, its your choice to do what you want. If you want to sleep with every guy in the school, or just one, then that's your choice. Just know there's a consequence for every action, and many things and judgments can be avoided, so the choice is yours, and are all results of your decisions. So don't feel sympathy from others, and don't expect pity parties. Do what you want, but my advise... is to do what is right and start taking care of yourself... because guys like those 7... won't.

  • Objectively any way you slice it, 7 in 2 years is a bit much. Try to stay in single digits before your 20s - or it'll be in your interest to LIE to your men, which of course makes it fair game for them to LIE to you about who they are and stuff, which, needless to say, is not a healthy place to be for either of you when starting a relationship.

    Girls who tend to give themselves up tend to fall into these patterns where either

    a) I'm really into him, I know he's wrong, but he's so fine and into me, it is just a fling, so he does not count.

    b) he's a really great guy and I feel guilty - if all those other guys had me I might as well give it up for him.

    So by mid-20s you have kinda 2 kinds of girls - those that had under 10 or 12 guys, and those that had over 30. And we men a pretty dumb in many ways and could not pick up many subtle and not so subtle things about you, but a difference of single digits and over 30 we can pick up - in the latter case any shred of your girlish innocence will be just GONE. Guys who think you are hot enough for now and just want to be "Mr. #32", won't care; guys who care long term and who are in your social/looks range or better, would normally care.

    • This holds true for a lot of women I've grown up around.

    • @ ThoroughFred you said a lot of right things about the guy, but I have to disagree with your opener, like, big time. If someone willingly and intentionally gets drunk at a party and willingly and intentionally get into a car and on their way home runs over a child, they damn better regret that, for the rest of their lives. The same goes for hurting others, stealing, or doing any number of things to yourself or others. Moving on, yes, but not without adjustment that shame/regret actually help u.

    • I don't think you should feel shame or regret. but you should learn from your experiences and make a life change if you think it is needed. Personally your situation woulden't affect me if we were seeing each other.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Some of you are acting like she should walk around all day with her head down feeling less than a person because she slept with too many guys. Get over yourselves! She had sex, she didn't break any laws or hurt anyone. Why should she keep feeling disgusted with herself, she already has realized her mistakes. People need to stop acting like this girl should be punishing herself everyday and feeling low because she messed up IN THE PAST. Some of yall act like you're mad or something lol. Like "how dare you have sex with a lot of guys! With YOUR vagina!" LMAO

    anyway, The past is in the past. You are not Hester Prynne. You don't have to walk around with a red "A" on your chest because you made mistakes and did things you are not proud of. I know people are gonna try to make you feel like you should feel lower about yourself but they are wrong. Life is a learning experience. You were immature, young and needed attention and affection so you went about it the wrong way. Now you're older, wiser and you know better. You're not the same person you were back then. What is feeling disgusted about yourself going to accomplish? You can't take it back. Punishing yourself for having sex with guys you now regret is probably worse than being promiscuous in the first place. I know his comment hurt because that brought up a time in your life where you probably were feeling hurt and was acting out. But you're done with that. Don't rewind his words in your head, it was during an argument and you're broken up now. He's in the past just like the other guys. Now is your time to pick yourself back up and feel good about yourself. keep your head up, you deserve to. Having pride and loving yourself isn't reserved for girls who have had less than X sexual partners.

    • Great answer! +5

    • thank you :)

  • We all make mistakes. What you've done is not who you are. Don't be disgusted with yourself, girl! Be proud!

    You turned yourself around, you went from not having self respect and giving your body away freely to seeing yourself as a valuable and worthwhile girl! I'm proud of you, and I don't even know you.

    It's hard to change, but you did. You are beautiful and worthwhile. You made mistakes and have regrets, but don't let that define you. If your ex couldn't forgive your past and couldn't see you changed, then he doesn't deserve you.

    If you are usually called a "prude" now, then I would think it's safe to say you aren't a slut. He should have seen that, too.

    Next time, I would recommend being honest and saying you went through a tough time when you were younger. Don't go into detail or anything, but just tell the guy you date that you made some mistakes and you changed. If he can't accept that, then you can know to move on.

    You'll find a man who will appreciate that you changed yourself. He will love how you came to see yourself as someone who deserves respect. I wish you the best of luck!

  • First of all, who ever you have sex with isn't anyone's business but yours. No one has any room to pass judgment on you. Who you were with in your past doesn't matter, and it shouldn't matter to anyone who claims to love you, because you're with them. You guys were apparently in a heated argument, and he wanted to say something that he knew would get under your skin. He wanted to p*ss you off, and hurt you. You feel you made a few mistakes in the past few years, but we all make mistakes when we're younger and less mature. No reason to beat yourself up about it.

    • its business of a potential partner.. and someone's past does matter; it says about who they are, and who they will be in the future. you don't develop integrity and emotional depth, its either there or its not

    • @dx : You misunderstand then what this girl would consider integrity and emotional depth. It's not gender specific. Morals apply across genders. Therefore, if a guy isn't "lacking" emotional depth and integrity for sleeping a lot of women, then neither are women for doing the same.

    • It's the business of a potential partner if they want it to be, if they want to share that. There's no useful information to be had, other than just some drama, by asking someone how many people they have been with. I'd only care to know that my partner has recently been tested for STDs and is clean. Everything else is irrelevant. Your past doesn't say much about who you will be in the future, that's kind of ridiculous to say. Integrity and emotional depth is not measured in sexual partners.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • absolutely not. You should never be ashamed or otherwise regretful of any experience you willingly and intentionally did. Whether it was a "positive" or "negative" experience you learned something from it. And here you are more mature and more wise as a result. Those experiences made you who you are, and you really have no choice but to accept and love yourself as is. Looking back and feeling regretful literally accomplishes NOTHING.

    As for this dude, clearly he has a lot of growing up to do. The only possible reason a guy could judge a girl for her past experiences is if he was either intimidated by them for being more experienced than him, or worried about his friends opinions of it. Granted that second one can be powerful, but if you mean so little to him that he puts his friends casual most likely uninformed opionions higher than you than he is a LOSER. You are better off walking away knowing HE is the one with the problem, not you.

    As for the actual number of guys, honestly that's not even close to bad. I would say these days those numbers are completely average. Yes there will be a few that hold out, but I can guarantee there are plenty more who could easily double that number without anyone really knowing otherwise.

    Girls who are labeled sluts usually did something to desrve it by way of pissing someone off. Kids can be very mean and in many cases that label was just used as a common insult and stuck despite the truth. Besides, the idea of a SLUT is both powerful and mythical. If you ignore it's power it has none over you. If you cower before it than your reaction reads as guilt and it feeds people's belief that its true. The only person who really knows your history is you, so don't let some idiots that want to judge and label people define who you are. Only you can do that.

    • wow, really great response. thank youu. All my friends and family tell me that HE is the one with problems and its makes me believe it even more to hear it from a complete stranger

    • @ThoroughFred +5 !

    • "The only possible reason a guy could judge a girl for her past experiences is if he was either intimidated by them for being more experienced than him, or worried about his friends opinions of it." - Exactly!

  • it's your past. you were experimental with sex. so what? if your ex knew that about you before or didn't ask you about it at all, then he has nothing to be upset about. it didn't matter to him before and while he was with you to talk about it with you to see if what he was hearing was even true. I think he just said it to mess with you. don't worry about it in the future tho because it's your past. you're done with it and lots of people are worse when it comes to experimenting so you aren't really that bad.

  • It's in the past and there's nothing you can do about it now. We all make mistakes and the only thing you can do is learn from them which it sounds like you have. If he's not mature enough to handle it then you're better off without him.

  • You weren't doing anything wrong. At that age, as long as you were having safe sex and not cheating on anyone, it's harmless.

    The only time this would make you a slut would be if you are proud of it - shame means morality. You have obviously grown past this little phase in your life anyway, and are perhaps a little less naive because of it.

    • thats a very rational/logical way to think of that. thank you

  • I won't lie, bedding seven guys before attaining legal age is...quite a lot. However, that's not really the point. You learned from your mistakes, did you not? The past is the past, there's no point crying over spilled milk. You say you have changed, and think things over before sleeping with a guy. In my honest opinion, your ex is probably just feeling hurt and angry, which is why he said what he did. I don't think you should pay much attention to what he says until he cools off. He obviously has a jealousy complex. The important thing is that you recognize your mistakes and have worked to change your past. He really has no right to tell you what or what not to do; ultimately, it's your life, plus, you weren't in a relationship with him back then.

  • I don't count the bad things people do. All that is needed is to see that you don't repeat the behavior. I'm am sure you won't because of how disgusted you are now. You are perfectly normal and fine. We all lose our minds at some point or another and do something reckless.. I would never say you were a slut, or a hoe or anything like that because you have changed for the better.

  • Frankly, in the future if you have a boyfriend who asks how many men you've slept with just don't tell him. You'll both be happier. It's not really a guys business anyway and that will allow you to enter into a relationship without him judging you, because you might be a great girl but if a guy hears that he WILL judge you, even if it's subconsciously, and he'll think you're easy and not girlfriend material or that you won't be faithful to him. More than anything however, he'll feel that he'd be easy to replace, so he can justify leaving you more easily. That's why the trick is to not show your hand, and don't let it identify you; if he does find out then it's simply an aspect of you, not you. A relationship is like a game of poker anyways: The more invested the guy is, the more likely he'll stick around to see your hand. I don't say this to hurt you, I say this because it's true, but you'll likely hate me for it regardless ^^

  • You were just being like another immature daft teenager. We all do stuff we regret but can change what people think just don't sleep with many lads now people soon forget. Maybe get a new boyfriend who doesn't know about your past then can start over :)

  • you WERE a slut, I said WERE

    prove that you aren't a slut anymore, change yourself.

    dont deny that you were a slut, but make it clear that you aren't anymore and make it clear that you are ashamed of what you did.

  • the first step to ending the cycle and stopping what is hurting you the most.

    figure out why you behave this way and stop doing stuff that makes others think you are a 'slut'

    that is mean to call a girl that especially if the guy slept with a girl and then called her that, that's really low for the guy to be saying that and all I can say is you can work on yourself.

    what does your definition of 'mean something to you' mean?

    sit back, think about things before you do anything would be my best advice to you.

  • By the time I was 18 I'd had intercourse with 17, but once you learn and accept your past you really have no need p bing it back up OR explain it to anyone. Your business.

  • Wait, so if I DO think you should you don't want me to tell you because that's a hurtful comment, right?

  • be upfront with all your future bf's... if they can't handle the fact that you've been around, then dump him- immediately. Ya don't need a weak man in your life... get yourself a strong man who will appreciate you.

  • While I understand what you are feeling, I would say why? A woman has the right to sleep with as many men/women as she wishes just like a guy. I don't believe in a double standard. If a guy wants to get laid a lot how can he judge a woman for sleeping with whoever she wants because without women like that, the guy wouldn't get any. I say it this way because I have only been with 2 women ever. my first time (see my recent post) and my current wife who I have been with for 21 years (married 17.5). Though 16 is pretty young I know as a guy I wouldn't have argued if I had the chance at that age. Screw him. Sleep with 100 guys if you wish and feel great about yourself. Especially since for women it is a different experience each time since penises are all different sizes (and sometimes shapes..meaning curved etc..).

  • no, you shouldn't. You were, as you said, immature.

  • I think the best thing you can do is just learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. Make an effort to change what you've done in your past and you'll turn out fine.

  • I don't understand this respect / sex thing. Isn't it disrespectful to *not* have sex with someone you're attracted to? Hmm.

    • Why would it?

    • How is it less disrespectful to yourself than having a lot of sex? That's what I want to know.

  • Your past is irrelevant when you've matured and youve learned from your mistakes.

  • No not really. You're disease free and not pregnant right? If both of those happened then I would say you have to be disgusted with yourself. But damn that's a lot. I'm 21 and at 0.

  • You asked for our opinion. Yes, I think you should.

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