I found out he used 15+ prostitutes in the past?

I met this guy at my friend's party. We exchanged numbers, were texting for weeks, then he finally asked me out on a date. Everything's going great, I've met his friends and we get on really well, It's going to be the 7th date this week. He left his Facebook logged in to my account, and I KNOW I shouldn't of done this, bu curiosity got the better of me and I went through his messages and convos, I found out that he had gotten with a lot foreign prostitutes off websites on a ongoing basis couple of months before we met, like over 5 per 2 weeks at one stage, and the way he was talking about them and other girls in his messages was just so degrading. This is really upsetting me as I really though he wasn't that sort of guy who would do that. He told me sex was a big deal for him - (we haven't had sex yet, done everything apart from it) Should I tell him what I saw and admit I was snooping? or not tell him and break it off gently with some other excuse? I know that it was wrong of me for snooping, but after finding this out it is really bothering me. What should I do? Was using that amount of prostitutes normal for a guy, or a warning sign? please help!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's not... 'Normal', per se. But really you should take into consideration why a person uses that amount. Now, consider why a person hires a prostitute at all; the stereotype is a very lonely man who's got no one around, and that's a very sad and slightly unwanted idea. And that kind of a man will either hire one prostitute once, which shows he really needed it, like he just lost control, or he'll hire the same prostitute over and over again, so they can simulate a sort of relationship, and he builds an emotional connection with her.

    He hasn't done that, so clearly, that's not his story.

    The other side of the coin is the rich business-type, or the rockstar-type, whatever; the bigshot, the kingpin. He hires a girl or two every now and again, maybe when he's laid off a big deal or when he's going to a new town, maybe for a friend or someones got one for him. That kind of use is sporadic, over a few years, and it's mostly for a feeling of power, status or image.

    He's not a bigshot, I'll assume, and he hasn't done that anyway.

    He's hired a crapload of them in a very short space of time. Now, who does that? That's stereotypical of someone who's just got ahold of a lot of money. I don't know if he did, that could be it, or maybe he just decided to finally go for it, but basically, what I'm gonna guess is he just has a bit of a *thing* for it. I'm drawn to prostitutes, see, and I have a real fetish for the whole thing, it turns me on. And there are a lot of people with this fetish for working girls, it's fairly common. And to me, It's likely that's his story. He worked with a bunch of foreign girls, a variety of girls, and in a short space of time. To me that says he just wanted to go for it - he didn't seem to put any significance on it, and he didn't hire the same girl again and again.

    Thats a bit of psychology, right? That's my guess, it was just a bit of a fantasy.

    Now, when you say, 'was just so degrading', what do you mean? If he was degrading towards those girls, then that's something.. Accepting that he may just be into that, if it seems like misogyny is within his nature, you should take that into consideration, if you want to be with someone like that - but if you just felt it was degrading to you, as in, it made qualms with some long held insecurity or something, then I'd encourage you to get over that before you make a decision, because you don't want to be clouded by what you feel is something offensive to you, when really it has nothing to do with you, you get me?

    Either way, wether you can get used to the idea or not, if you feel it's going to pray on your mind, tell him about it. That way he knows what to look out for, and you both know that if it becomes a problem, it's *that* which is the prblem. And if you really can't accept it, tell him, and leave him, because I mean, he deserves someone who's going to be alright with it, right? And you deserve someone you'e alright with. Good luck ^^

    • Oh yeah, that's another thing! I don't think he was lying when he said sex means a lot to him, it's just a matter of context - a question of hats. Sex in and out of a relationship is different, and for the morally inclined holds different significance. Sex with someone he loves is important to him, and clearly you have both gone long enough for that to be true, but with prostitutes, it's different, and that makes canonical sense.

  • I personally like people to be brutally honest with me, and would much prefer a girl sending me a message like that, than just giving me a cryptic reason for cancelling. I hate having to figure out on my own if/why a girl is not interested.

    Last year I went on a date with this girl three times, and at the end of the third date she looked me in the eye and said "I am sorry but this just isn't going to work because..." I said okay and moved on. Now when I see here it is not awkward. However a few other girls I went out with last year, decided to be immature and would blow me off, instead of just being honest and saying they were not interested...and I had to figure out for myself if their blowing off crossed the line from "playing hard to get" to "not interested." When I see these girls around it is a little awkward.

    Honesty is the best policy.

    So I say go with the message as written. However I also agree with Distant, you are not neccesarily in a relationship but six dates is a fair amount, so maybe he desrves an in person "break up" and possibly a reason to explain himself.

Most Helpful Girls

  • WALK AWAY. That has to be the clearest red light that I have ever heard of. A person with morals would never degrade woman like that and I don't care what his reason's are. If you tell him then he will just bullsh*t his way out of it and you will be stuck in a relationship with no future. I would just walk away without saying anything. Most girls don't have this luxury but you were able to see a side of him that you would not have otherwise been able to do. This is a huge warning sign. I can't imagine you being able to have sex with him and not thinking about the other 15 prostitutes that he slept with. It will always be on your mind. Don't waste your time on him. It's one thing for you to have read him saying that he was sorry or ashamed for what he did but he was bragging about it which tells you that he has no remorse or shame for what he did. He could still be doing prostitutes without you even knowing which might be the reason why he isn't trying to get in your pants so fast. He just seems like a real ass to me so be careful.

  • I wouldn't do anything if it was me. Yes, I think what you did wasn't right but your curiosity got the best of you. Just because he paid for relations doesn't mean he will do that when he is in a relationship. He may be one of those guys who was waiting for the right person to come along so he didn't tie himself down. You're going to walk away from someone who could have great potential because of some personal choices he made? I think the only thing you would definitely would want to do is make sure he is tested before you sleep with him.

    I was interested in a guy who also paid for escorts. I found out from a family member of his who 'let it slip.' The guy was mortified and afraid I'd judge him. I didn't. I told him it didn't matter to me what he did before I met him. I saw goodness in him that superseded what he did.

    Ultimately you need to do what you can live with and will accept. If you just cannot get past it then break it off gently and walk away.

  • It's completley understanble your upset and want to break up. I think I'd the same. 15 + is a lot and if he talked about them bad, that's even worse. And obviously he lied when he said sex meant a lot to him

    I think there's nothing wrong with admiting you logged into his account. Tell him your sorry but tell what you found out and that it's a deal breaker for you.Give him a chance to explain, but I'm not sure if there is much left to explain. Don't come up with some excuse, just be straight forward, he deserves to know the truth after all

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  • So let me get this straight. You looked through his private messages and now you're going to go one step further and break up with him via text / e-mail? Why not grow a spine and tell him face-to-face?

  • Even though you snooped and that could ruin things if you admit it, things are already ruined! So if you really like him abd want to hear his explanation before you make a decision to dump him then I recommend coming clean. Tell him what you read and what part upsets/disturbs you.

  • No, that's good. You're doing the right thing. Send it.

  • Tell him what you saw and that you're having a hard time processing the info. He may be mad that you looked at his fb account, but you did and you can't go back in time so you may as well admit it so you're not a liar.

    Not sure how many is a lot.

    Personally, I don't think I could date someone like this because it would always haunt me and I would always think he would cheat on me.

  • He could have been going through a tough period and had issues or whatever. But you should talk to him, otherwise it will always be on your mind.

  • You're not in a relationship, so just break it up normally. Tell him you don't feel like going on.

    And good luck in finding a guy who's never been using hookers/escorts ;)

  • I think you're overreacting. I mean, you don't know that he had sex with any of them. He might have only tortured them for hours and dumped their mutilated remains in a retention pond. Really, I think you should sit down and talk it out.

  • Break up with him, gently. He doesn't deserve a distrusting girlfriend who snoops through his personal space and judges him for actions that had absolutely NOTHING to do with her.

    If you're gonna judge someone, do it based on their character. I wouldn't break up with a girl for the sole reason that she was a hooker/sugar baby in the past. That wouldn't be the deal breaker. Her character would be. If I saw that she lacked ambition, pride, and morals... then being involved in classless acts in the past would be the least of my concerns.

    If you are willing to dismiss this man for any reason other than his character, that would be a huge miscalculation on your part.

    • Damn straight, bro. I just don't get this woman logic.

    • <3 BA this man

  • This is bullsh*t, you're being too judgmental. Anything before you shouldn't matter. If you really like him then why would you let something stupid like this get in the way of how you feel. He doesn't have a history of cheating, just a history of being a guy who wanted sex, that's every guy, he just happened to pay for it. I think you should confess you invaded his privacy and hope he doesn't actually dump you for it because now you've given him the reason not to trust you, not the other way around.

  • His past shouldn't matter to you, as long as he stays true to you who cares. unless it's something really bad... and using hookers ins't the worst thing he can do.

    for now mind your business, stop snooping around like a psycho, lol 7th date xD
    going on 7 dates would be too much. either you like him or you don't.

    He doesn't know you snoop, it would be upsetting for him if he thought you really weren't that kind of girl.

    here's what you can do without being a conniving a**hole. ask him what was his past like a couple of months before any type of girls. say you won't be mad or anything, if he's honest he should tell you.

  • With amount of snooping, I'm surprised more female don't get into the private detective business. It seems like the perfect match -- you get paid for your nosey habits.

  • It's none of your business

  • If you think he's trying to play you, walk away.

  • it's easier to get a hooker for sex than going to a bar and buying girls drinks all night and not getting any at the end.

  • you are one of those prostitutes too, you wouldn't have dated him had it not been for the drinks and time he spent, get over it

  • Don't confront him about it, because that would be crazy awkward. But you do have to break up with him. He cannot be trusted and he probably has a couple STDs. Just tell him it isn't working, and that you don't feel a connection.

  • I think you have been played. I think he has just said all the things you wanted to hear but now that you have seen some of his true colors that the gig is up.

  • Don't ever come clean about this just walk away gently with some other excuse. He will lose all respect for you and most likely get angry, not that he seems to have respect for any woman, but just in case. There is no point in upsetting him when you are already making your mind up to leave him. Prostitutes are not normal for a guy and I would consider it as a warning sign. You never know what he could have caught, that would gross me out automatically. I would have been like "Peace out!" walked away with no questions asked if I were you.

  • this has to be dumbest and pettiest reason to break up that I've ever read. I mean, at the end of the day, "dating" is just glorified prostitution. someone is still spending money on you, and essentially buying your time, so what do you mean "that kinda guy"?

    just tell him what truthfully happened and break up with him, so that he is made aware that he is not good enough for a girlfriend that breaches privacy and will blow up over the least significant and irrelevant things.

  • I do look at a woman's sexual past and determine whether I want to stay with her or not, so I think that part's okay. However, there is one thing that I've noticed that irks me about women on this hooker issue. Most seem to be okay with guys having lots of sexual partners. Some of those sexual partners were slutty that have a questionable sexual history and have probably used sex in the past to get something they want, but god forbid the guy goes to a prostitute.

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