I have scars, lots of them, and I can't have sex?

I'm very self cautious about my scars , I have many cigarette burn scars on my body like 10 spread all over on my thighs , calves ,arms , ass, breasts , my father is abusive and he used to put out cigarets on my body , I also have whip marks on my back , he used to whip me too , my boyfriend wants to have sex , I never had sex before because when I think of being naked I just think of those scars , what to do ? what if he sees them and he's grossed out ? I can't ever be sexy because I look disgusting
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Most Helpful Girls

  • First off I don't even know you and I feel for you and I'm sure many others do as well. So how can someone that loves you feel any differently. Everyone is beautiful in their own right, and most people have scars whether it's bachne, chub a rub, etc. Most people aren't proud of how they look naked...just sayin. Second have sex with the lights off he'll never know. And third it may affect your confidence the first time but after that you get used to each other and if he wants to have sex with hyou he is attracted to you no guy is gonna say oh my a scar I'm completley flacid. you know? Don't worry about it tell him in advance everything will be fine and if he makes a big deal about it (which I doubt) then you know he's not the one for you and keep it movin. Good luck sweet heart :)

  • I know that would be very hard to break the fear of being self conscious over that, I too have things wrong with my skin that I am very shy to be shown to anyone while naked. I suffered from a bad rash at one point of my life, and it has left spots on my skin that I hate. They are ridiculous looking. How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Regardless, if you are willing to make the sexual leap with him, then that means you feel comfortable with him. Let him know why you have the marks, he should be understanding. Don't feel scared, just let him know why they're there and he should be more than understanding and they shouldn't even matter to him.

    I wish you the best.

    • agree

  • I am sorry for what happened to you, that's horrible. :( You can buy certain products that reduce the look of scars and might make them look better but if I was in your bf's position I wouldn't care, the scars on your body don't make you not sexy. Maybe try explaining to your boyfriend first though so he isn't all shocked when he sees them without warning.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I hope you escaped that house of torture long ago!

    Start with telling your boyfriend your history.

    "What if he sees them and he's grossed out ?"

    "I can't ever be sexy because I look disgusting "

    If he loves you, he'll NOT think you're disgusting. If he's grossed out, he doesn't really love YOU, he loves just your image, or some prefabricated image in HIS head. Then he's not the real Mc Coy thus.

    .

    You can always keep a nice nightie on or do what our grandgrandmothers did in the Victorian 19th century: only make love in the dark.

    Good luck, you merit a big part of luck after what you've gone through!

  • Studies have shown that scars don't generally impact how attractive men find women.

    We find good looking people attractive because there are signs that thy have good genetics, are healthy and fertile.

    It seems that the part of our brain that handles sexual attraction (correctly) interprets scars as things that has happened to you, and not part of your genetic makeup.

    That's a fancy way of saying - if you have a hot body with scars, it's still hot.

    • really ? you have no idea how much I'm worried about this

    • Really. Tell him before hand so he won't be surprised. And yeah maybe they don't look 'good' but they likely don't look bad in a way that is a turn off. I'm sure you can still be very sexy.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Well I think if you're going to take that step and start having sex with him you should be able to open up to him about touch/emotional subjects such as your abuse. I would openly tell him about what has happened and how you feel about them.

    I'm pretty sure unless he's a POS that didn't deserve sex from you anyway, he won't mind and will be supportive and caring about your feelings.

  • A real man won't care about your scars. Just to be safe, show him your scars and tell him how you got them before having sex is all

  • No you are sexy.I have scars nothing huge but I have them.Not by abuse just by years of different things and if he doesn't look at you and say don't be afraid look at me you are beautiful and amazing and I am the luckiest man in the world to have you I love you scars and all then he doesn't really love you

  • When you have someone that's truly into you they will see past all that you find "gross or disgusting" they will love you no matter what faults you may have

  • a guy who loves you will never mind :)

  • talk with him beforehand, tell him you're self conscious about your scars before you guys have sex. I'm sure he'd tolerate it if he's a good guy.

  • I can honestly tell you that your scars will be the last thing he'll be thinking about when you're naked in front of him and he's turned on. He won't be thinking about anything but f***ing you.

    Talk to him before about it. A few scars do not make you "disgusting". Everyone has scars.

  • Don't be frightened I think there's a lot of beauty behind those scars whether they are emotional or not.

    I think he will accept you so I don't think you should worry and be ashamed of anything. :)