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I have a situation about incest. Help!!

Okay here's my situation. I have a female cousin who's a few years younger than me. We get along great. We are blood related but only a little bit, like around 15-25% the maximum. I'm a first cousin and she's a second or third, not really sure. Our last names are different and we are only related through our grandma. My grandma had my dad with some guy who I've never met, and my grandma had my cousin's mom with another guy who we all consider to be grandpa, so right there the genes are split differently, and through each generation the genes get more and more split. But my cousin and I have known each other our entire lives, so we consider each other 100% family even though we know that we're scientifically not 100% related. I think we really like each other and I would say something to her, but I don't know if its considered incest or what? Also, lets say we do get together and a few years later we decided to get married, have kids, whatever. How should we approach our family with this news? I know incest is a difficult topic to talk about, but if gay marriage and other taboo topics can be more and more accepted these days, I think incest should deserve a shot. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • No-ones 100% related as only 50% of genes are passed on from each parent.

    In England any relationship (sexually) between anyone who is related (blood or not) in a family sense is considered incestual.

    In places like Japan if you aren't blood related or are step-siblings then it isn't legally incest.

    So it depends on where you live- look up the laws.

    Consider the future, will this go down well with the family, this will obviously cause a stir no matter what? What about children if it goes that far? Understand that the child will be more homozygous (more similar genes) which makes them more susceptable to diseases and malfunction (mutations).

    The reason incest is so touchy is because in a gay relationship you can't procreate, hence another life isn't in danger. With incest you are risking an unborn child's life.

    Do YOU want that on your shoulders if it happens? Think seriously about it.

  • Ah, in Ontario, as far as I know, it is only illegal to marry a parents or brother or sister, because people have been marrying their cousins for a very long time. Furthermore, this is a half cousin we are talking about... so you are right, the blood relation is not that close. however, this is very serious, and as you will see in the answers to your question, some people will be appalled. I consider myself to be relatively realistic, and quite liberal, though many people are idealistic and conservative. It could cause you to be alienated from your friends and family, so, is it worth it?

    • I see what you mean about being alienated from friends and family, so that's my main concern. I think me and her both have a thing for each other, so I'm not worried about that. I think if the relationship becomes really serious, we'd approach our family in a way that they would hopefully understand.

Most Helpful Girls

  • actually, incest has always been more acceptable than gay marriage-at least more states allow marriage between cousins than states who allow gay marriage (ridiculous, IMO).

    link

    and

    link

    If you had children, they could have genetic abnormalities, but I'm not a geneticist, so you'd have to talk to someone else about that.

    It is incest, as you are related (the distance doesn't matter). My advise is to find someone else. There are plenty of other people that you can fall in love with and you wouldn't have to rip your family apart to be with. Of course, the family could be accepting of it, it depends where you live and if there is a history of such marriages/relationships in the family.

    If you do pursue a relationship, I'd imagine you should treat it like any other, because it would be-minus the fact that she's your cousin.

  • Based on the degree of separation between you two, I'd say perhaps try dating for a bit - and exactly as slipslender said, sit your parents down to hear about it.

    In terms of having children, seek genetic counselling before you do so. They can offer advice regarding whether or not it is the right decision for you two, with the baby's interest in mind.

  • i wouldn't say anything unless you're as sure as you can be that she's into you too... because if she isn't, that might cause a rift, she might tell another family member...it can get pretty messy.

    • Well I have found out now that she is in fact into me, so if we decide to get together, how do you think we should tell our family?

    • well, I guess go dating for a month or two, see if it even lasts. then if it does, you should sit both sets of parents together and tell them that you've been seeing each other for x many months and that it's getting serious. tell them that you hope they understand and that you two have their support... if they go :o tell them about the percentage stuff, that might make them feel better lol.

    • Thanks for your help. I will see what happens.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 15

  • Baby, you need to get out more and stop thinking with your penis; it's only gonna get you in trouble.

  • thats your family which is digusting! I don't care what cousin it is its STILL your cousin which is still blood! you can't compare gay marriage with incest its not even the same thing lol

  • It is considered incest but there are states that allow cousins to marry...

  • Well, as you were explaining your family dynamic on how you and your cousin we're related, it's easy to say both of you have little over 12% from your grandmother in common. (because you both have three other people splitting up your grandmother's genes, she's giving you and your cousin.) so that's a pretty good idea so where you need to decide on whether you want a relationship that leads to having kids together. I would say the most difficult part is how people are going to look at you when you decide to get together like that. But you also have to remind all the ones that are looking down their nose then there are six different people separating your genes from each other. You both were raised with each other , but not in the same house. And you may never know... There may be some people in your this household that think why haven't you guys got together yet

  • Your half cousins. Half sister, one shared parent. Half cousins, 1 shared grandparent.
    cousin
    Relatedness coefficient: 12.5%
    Degree of relation: 4
    half cousin
    Relatedness coefficient: 6.25%
    Degree of relation: 4
    second cousin
    Relatedness coefficient: 3.125%
    Degree of relation: 6

    This site is supposed to allow links, but it doesn't seem to work. Google "relations calculator"
    Laws vary by country and state. In the US, some states allow 4 degrees of relation, some don't. I think states use degrees of relation, but obviously relatedness coefficient matters more for children. I wouldn't think 6.25% would matter, but you might want to have genetic testing to be sure. It might be hard to forgive yourself if something went wrong.

  • Well there is nothing illegal about it...think Slip gave you the best advice...how well this would go over would probably depend primarily on your family...most of the general public would not even realize that you are cousins...it doesn't bother me...not like you were even 1st cousins let alone brother & sister...

  • "i think incest should deserve a shot" that made me laughhhh cause fuck no

  • As long as you use protecting if you do fuck each other I don't d
    See no reason why not

    • I agree. Date each other, have date sex, see where it goes. Then worry about telling someone if it lasts. Till then live and have fun

  • So u want to fuck her

  • Go for it.

  • it sounds as if ... IF you got together with them.. it doesn't meet the legal requirements to being "incest"

  • Typically, second cousins can marry each other in all US states. It's okay.

  • If you both feel it's ok I say go with it

  • We are attracted to who we are attracted to its normal basic human instinct is to want to have sex with and reproduce with the fittest partner. So of course you will be attracted to someone who has an attractive body its human nature. The problem lies in the the relation of the soul that inhabits that body its totaly normal for you to see a beauriful woman and think inwant to have sex with her even if it is your cousin or sister or mom who ever just dont rape or molest keep it consenting.

  • Just start a new family and teach your kids the right way about how real love over powers blood. And pure blood historically is the best

  • Cousins aren’t even considered incest in most states and countries. The places that claim it’s incest will say it’s ok if you pay the fee to get the waiver.

  • Brother sister ok mom son weird dad daughter shouldn’t be allowed

  • Firstly, you can't be a first cousin and she a second. You'd be the same to each other regardless.

    Secondly, it's been quite historically common, and indeed is still legal in many states, for first cousins to marry. Heck even Einstein married his cousin.

    Third, genetically, anything beyond 1st cousin is about the same risk as a random stranger.

    When you put all that together, your only problem remains family and ethical. Myself personally, I wouldn't have an issue with it. The question is, will your family and yourselves be comfortable with it?

  • Even between first cousins, it's legal, not incest. So relax, you don't have a problem.

    • Really? I thought incest had to do with any two people who were related to each other in any way? What do you consider to be incest? I have some old fashioned people in my family, so how do we break the news to them? Thanks for your help.

    • No, incest has well defined legal meanings. And it doesn't involve cousins. Incest is sex within the nuclear family stretching across multiple generations from 4 to 0, (0 = sibling, 4 = great grand parent) or aunts/uncles with neices/nephews. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. But I'd go with "We're not breaking any laws"

    • First cousins is considered incest in many states but not all...check this out.. link

  • You are kidding, seriously you're kidding right. She is your cousin, she's blood related. You have the same grandma and relatives. She is not an in-law, she your blood relative. Are you not capable of getting a date from a none family member? You should like each other, you're cousins, but not in a sexual way, at all. I have pretty female aunts and relatives, no way I think of them like that. Get it together man! Blood is blood, family is family, there's no boning or mating, how gross!

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