I just can't orgasm?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend always tries to hard, he really wants me to have an orgasm, and he asks me sometimes if I've had one yet (not all the time), but every once and a while. But I just can't seem to get it. It feels really good and then it seems like I'm almost close to even having a tiny little orgasm,and I can't seem to grasp it. Sometimes it seems like I've had one, cause I get super spasmy, and my legs quiver and I tighten up and can't help but squirm..but it's not an orgasm. He hasn't tried oral yet...he said he would and he really wants to...but he wants me to ask for it first and I'm not so sure about it in the first place so I'm not about to ask. It just seems so embarrassing having him so close down there, it's not pretty...and I'm kind of shy anyway. What should I do? I feel really stupid when he asks me if I've ever had an orgasm yet and the answers always no. Now I'm worried I'll never have an orgasm, and there's something wrong with me..what can I do?

[TheAnswerer]

If you can't help but tighten up and squirm and get super spasmy, that is an orgasm. You already had one. You are just looking for something that is not there.

This is pretty common you know. Some people overestimate an orgasm so when they have one, they don't recognize it.

Another thing is that if you try too hard, you get it harder. Try to relax and let yourself go. Don't think about whether you will have an orgam or not. Don't think about how you should get one. Clear your mind and focus on the moment. It can make your job easier.

Finally, you don't HAVE TO have an orgasm. If you enjoy the sex, then that's enough. Orgasm is not necessary for enjoying the moment. Was it fun? Do you want to do it again? If yes, then you don't need to (or have to) have an orgasm.

Now, with the orgasm question answered, I will move on to your nest issue: Oral.

Really, there is nothing to be embarassed about it. He saw it already. He felt it already. He knows what it is already. He just wants to get a closer look at it. Besides, you will enjoy it a lot.

It is like eating a candy. You already opened the wrapper. You already gave it to his hands. He's seen it, he's felt it. Why not let him taste it? Both of you can enjoy this experience a lot.

Why not move one step further?

God luck! =)

[Stutz09869]

Foreplay for sure. There are a number of ways foreplay can be best utilized:

1. When he fingers you, tell him to rub up toward your stomach about 3" in, that is the g-spot. Twirling his finger in a 360 circle is also known to work fairly well (how hard or soft should be your call).

2. When he gives you oral, if he lightly stimulates the clitoris with his tongue and does number 1 simultaneously, that is also immensely helpful.

During sex

1. Rub your clitoris while he is inside you (you or him can perform this). Put a pillow under your butt so that when he is penetrating you, the angle of 'attack' is upward, rubbing your g-spot.

2. Involve the anus during sex, potentially with the finger or otherwise, many people find light fingering stimulatory.

3. If 2 is a go, involve penetration, rubbing the clitoris and anal play simultaneously... Almost guaranteed to work.

If you do foreplay properly and try some of this during sex, it is almost guaranteed you will orgasm. If not, you may just not have the innate sexual attraction to your partner, he may still be doing something wrong or you may need to see a physician for further diagnosis.

[dsmarie]

you will have an orgasm! I can see by your age that you are at the time where you are coming into awareness with your body.

You need to know your vaginal area is beautiful ESPECIALLY to men! it is a natural and beautiful part of your body that you needn't be insecure about, however that said I understand the uncomfortableness of having a man so close performing oral so don't worry about doing that right now -- save that for later.

what you need to do to help yourself achieve orgasm is to "relax, relax, relax." I know this seems like an almost impossible task considering that you are getting excited at the same time, but just tell yourself over and over again to relax while you getting spasmy and quivery. Relax into it. It will happen.

[sexuallyfrustrated28]

I can understan about being shy when it comes to oral. At the same time though you are lucky he wants to go down on you and you just have no idea what you are missing. Sometimes oral is even better than sex itself. So if your that shy about him seeing you turn off the lights! I used to have a problem with being ticklish but trust me once he gets down there you are not even gonna be thinking about it. After you try that I agree get on top. Sometimes it's easier to have an orgasm when your on top cause while your on top and well I'm not sure how to word this but while your on top and riding your you know what is rubbing against him so that on top of the actual act of sex will help you to have an orgasm.

[Fourkaitlyn]

I have the same problem. Just don't think about it, let it happen. Thinking about it like crazy isn't going to get you one any quicker. And maybe you just take a lnoger time. You should try oral with your boyfriend if he's wanting you to come and willing and wanting to give you oral, you might as well try and see if it works.

Oh and by the way, I don't think my vag looks super hot but it doesn't matter, your boyfriend as already seen it and if he's wanting to get even more close up and personal, he likes it.

[Louise123]

Sweetie, you're on the right track. Please don't worry! This boy is putting too much pressure on you... Ask him to please stop asking you if you have had an orgasm! You have to be relaxed to have an orgasm... That is a MUST... You are tensing up and causing yourself to keep from achieving that O. You will have one... RELAX! Hugz.

[katiesmuff]

Well its been 3 months, have you got it fixed. Are you having spasmatic squirting orgasms yet?

[l-hedoniste]

Let it go. An orgasm isn't a mission, and chasing them makes them flee. It'll come when it comes, and so will you.

[anynymoooooose]

OMG, just let him go down on you already! Lol, it sounds like you're just postponing it. You don't know what you're missing. If he wants to, what do you care? By the way, 99% of vaginas look the same, etc... You're not going to freak him out.

[hardblond1]

Communication is key as we all know but it seems you two do have that connection.

SSSSSSSO give him the confidence to communicate how you like your oral! and see what prospects from there.

[katsrkool05]

OMG THAT'S EXACTLY WAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN I MASTRAUBATE A LOT I NEED TO NO HOW WITHOUT A PARTNER PLZ

[fluffermuffin]

its not your fault. he shouldn't be putting so much pressure on you it will come in time. if you don't feel comfortable with him giving you oral just say you don't want it. sooner or later you will have an orgasm but you can't rush things.

[Femur]

Ok, well if you're uncomfortable with him going down there for the simple fact that you don't think its pretty, its OK. But, honestly the guy won't care. He really wants you to orgasm it seems though so I say let him go down on you. You might be nervous at first but you'll adjust quickly ;).

The first girl I ever got sexual with had never had an orgasm until she was with me. She had had sex twice but never orgasmed before. When we finally got to the point in the relrationship where I went down on her for the first time, 20min later she had her first orgasm ever. Then 20min later I gave her her 2nd one, then 20min later her 3rd lol. Oral seems to work with a lot of girls though to get them to reach orgasm. Some girls can even only reach orgasm through oral.

Some girls just take awhile to get there, too. The other girl I have gotten intimate with had countless orgasms in the past, but never one from another person. She masturbated daily with a showerhead, so I had to top that. It honestly took about a month for me to learn all her buttons and what she liked, and even then it would take me 45min or so to get her to climax (longest ever was 1hr 30min). So he might just need to keep it up. She had those little tiny orgasm spasms too sometimes, too. So don't think its totally unusual to have that. Rhythm and pressure often have to be perfect to reach orgasm with some people. So just keep trying and don't give up!

[Vendrix]

Agreed, oral is dynamite to getting a girl to go off. If he can maintain stimulus down and around your p**** I'm sure you'll orgasm. But don't go into it trying hard, if you concentrate on trying to force yourself to come it won't happen. So relax and enjoy it fully, and you'll see the results.

[GIntrovert]

Foreplay, look it up.

[Mvc123]

You've pretty much answered your own question in your first few words-he's trying too hard to make you orgasm,and it's putting too much pressure-on both of you, but on you especially.

Just take it easy, relax and let it go.

[GspotKing]

let him go south!

[Anonymous]

Buy him some reading material. I'd suggest "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" by Ian Kerner.

It is about the importance of bring you to orgasm, best done orally and manually. Its simple. If the man loves you, he wants this for you by any means at his disposal. You should not have to ask. He should "demand" to give it to you. If the boy does not, it is time for you to move on.

[Anonymous]

go on top I'm sure youd get a orgasm like that lol that's the easiest for both of you

[DoctorSex]

Doggystyle's easier for me :D

[jujujings]

Get him a sexy blindfol or use a tie , bandana or something. Guess what he can still do it with his eyes closed. :0 You won't feel self conscious and you can relax. I think theat sitting on top of his face would be the best position but it might be to much for you. Also, toys are helpful but being he is trying so hard he might feel inadequate if you introduce any right now.