I'm nervous about anal?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend wants to try anal with me but I'm not so sure about it. I told him I didn't want to but he said I should at least give it a try. But the thing is, I feel like it might be weird and I'm kind of a neat freak and anal seems dirty. And I heard that it hurts from some of my friends and I guess I'm just nervous he might try and just push it in there, cause the first time we had sex he could only get the tip in and then he pulled me down on him. He said if it hurts we can stop but I don't know... I mean sometimes I feel like I might want to try it, but that usually only lasts a few seconds. I'm kind of the type of person who needs to be pushed to do something I've never done before, just because I've never done it, so I get nervous and scared and I don't know what to do, but once I do it's fine. I don't even understand why he would want to do it in the first place...

[Sugarcookie263]

Anal is not for everybody.

Only attempt this if you're both in the mood to try it.

If you don't want to, then don't.

It all depends on how YOU feel about it.

If you don't want to because of religious reasons, so be it. Don't do it.

If it's just because you're scared to, let me say, that it's possible you may enjoy it very much.

Ask him to be gentle. Make him understand that if he isn't gentle and forces himself on you rougher than you want, it will make you not trust or respect him. You will then be afraid to have sexual relations with him. I'm sure he doesn't want that to happen.

Under no circumstances should he be rough with you unless you like it that way. Even then, he must be careful because he can do a great deal of damage back there if he isn't careful and just "plows" his way through.

If you don't like it, you don't have to continue or do it again and he should respect any decision you make regarding what happens to your body.

From personal experience, it did hurt the first time. I didn't think I'd ever try it again.

With that said, I do enjoy it - NOW. Much of that has to do with the fact that I now have a partner who is very caring and sensitive to my feelings. He is gentle and doesn't play "caveman" with me in that area - thank goodness and thank you to him. :)

Pursue this ONLY if you feel you can trust him.

Should you decide to try this:

1. Relax, don't be tense. Use mood music, lighting, scents, or whatever helps.

2. Start in the doggie position first - you can try whatever is comfortable, but IMO, doggie is usually best for a first-timer. Not only is this position more comfortable for a first-timer (feels more natural), but it helps you gain more trust in your partner with such a sensitive area at stake.

3. Stimulate the area. Whether it be kisses, licking or stroking with his finger or an adult toy on the "outside" of your anus, make it gentle. It will help your muscles relaxed.

4. Use plenty of lubricant, like K-Y for example.

5. You may wish to start off with ONE of his fingers (or a skinny adult toy or ) first before putting his male member in to help open you up for him. Have him rub and caress the area with his finger, penetrating a little at a time. After the initial teasing, depending on his size, he may need to use more than one finger.

6. When you're comfortable with that, have him insert the head of his member very slowly, with small, short thrusts.

7. You should direct him whether to go farther or faster, according to what YOU feel comfortable with. NOT what he WANTS to do. Believe me, it will be a test of his strength to NOT just plow, because it is tight back there, causing MUCH enjoyment to him. I suggest you go slowly and gently at first - even the first few times until you're comfortable with more.

8. Lube up as needed.

9. Remember, if at ANY time it becomes to painful or uncomfortable, you are well within your rights and should tell him to stop.

10. Enjoy yourself!

Good luck!

[suesnagglepuss]

if you're questioning it then you're probably not going to be happy doing it. in the past I always said I would never do anal but then I changed my mind when I had been with my current boyfriend for about 18months. I trusted him completely (still do-lol!) and he started with just a finger and worked his way up if you know what I mean! also I had had a few drinks to kind of numb the pain and help me get over any insecurities/inhibitions. to be honest it sounds like you're worried he'll rush you and if you think he will then DONT even try! it hurts like mad even when you go slow-would dread to think what it would be like if it was rushed! after a few times its great and something different for him as a wee treat now and again. also I found/find it easiest on all fours with my bum in the air-not ladylike I know!- but you have to really trust him in this position as he has all the control.

overall its a personal decision but have a good think about it and never do anything you're not 100% happy about doing and never do anything with anyone you don't trust 100%

hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

I'm just nervous he might try and just push it in there, cause the first time we had sex he could only get the tip in and then he pulled me down on him."

What do you mean he pulled you down on him..I have never had sex,& I want to know more about the things guys do that are NOT expected...So I'd appreciate a bit of an elaboration - thanks :)

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Well here's the thing. For starters Anal is not for everybody. Not everybody can do it. With that said let me tell you what I know about Anal sex. And if you're not ready for it then I'd advise holding off until you think you might be ready. Because if he just slams it in, then he might cause some serious irreparable damage. But, don't worry about it too much, chances are he's smart enough to know he needs to be gentle.

Here are some tips on how you can do this for the first time and maybe enjoy it a little better.

For one I'd recommend, you not doing it until you're completely comfortable and relaxed about doing it. Believe it or not that does make a difference. Next thing I would recommend is the right preparation. For example lubrication is a must, so try getting some Astro-glide or some K-Y from the pharmacy or something, maybe a sex shop, some Lingerie stores have 'em too. There is also a product called "Anal Ease" (Anal-ese) that helps.

Once you've used some lubricant you should start with things to stimulate the asshole. Start in the doggy position with light touches and taps and after a while your butt should be able to take some inside. Then you move onto fingering. Starting with one finger only, and the finger should be worked in very delicately with a rubbing that is soft gentle and perhaps in a (counter?) clockwise motion. When you are comfortable you can try thrusting, going gently at first and moving harder in intensity when you are ready. Later on you can try 2 fingers, and start by repeating the above process. Depending on the size of his penis you may want to keep this up until you are comfortable with 3 fingers.

From there you can move on to the actual sex part of all this. Still in doggy you should have him press a little bit downward as he tries putting his d!ck in, (I've found with more girls it tends to go easier this way) and make sue he inserts it very slowly and once the head is in you should tell him to lightly move in and out, while very gradually pushing deeper in. When he is all the way in have him move in and out at a medium-low to medium pace, but only if you feel comfortable with it. I recommend only doing it doggy-style on your first few times.

After you are more comfortable with this and you feel you can move onto other things you can try starting in doggy and switching to missionary position anal sex (on your back). I've found that my current Girlfriend really likes it on her back, and nearly every time I do it that way I can get her to orgasm or even make her squirt a little.

Remember to keep using lube as needed. Especially on your first time trying this. If at any point this starts getting too uncomfortable or painful remember that you are well within your right to tell him to stop, or go to hell. I for one vote for kicking him in the balls. Ultimately I think you should wait until you think you'll be alright. Wait until you are sure about him and know you can trust him.

Good luck with this.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I'm checking back on a lot of my old answers like I usually do. I wanted to do a follow up to see if what I told you was at all helpful to you. Did my advice help?

[Shrider]

Like has been said, porn is a definite influence on the desire for anal. Beyond that, there are multiple other reasons why some guys want to try it. It's new, its 'forbidden', it's tighter... some guys (while they probably won't admit it) will also get off on the power trip, just like how some guys get off on the blowjob power trip. All that will explain why about 90% of guys want to do anal.

As to actually doing the deed, its not something that you should, or even can, just jump right in to. I've read (and corroborated from experience) that you need to prepare for about a week or two in advance. Start with a little anal play, rubbing a finger or two around the hole to get you used to the sensation. Next time you two have sex, have him slip the (well-lubricated) tip of his finger inside and just keep it there for a little bit. The next time have him move it around a little bit. Then go a little a little deeper, like to the second knuckle, and have him hold it there. Then have him move it around a little bit. After that try the entire finger. Each of these steps should be done consecutively, don't try and speed things up by doing more than one at any given time you have sex (advance one step each time you do it). Once your comfortable with him moving a finger around in there, try switching to something like a dildo and go through the same process of starting with just the tip and working up to the whole thing.

Do all of the above while you are having intercourse, and be sure to use copious amounts of lube, especially when you get up to the dildo. Once you are comfortable with the dildo you can try it with his penis, but if it hurts really bad stop and relax. I went through this process with an ex and it worked quite well, plus I'm pretty thick and she's a tight ass (pun intended). Once we could do it it felt great for both of us, but each unto their own. That's my suggestion.

By the way, it wasn't that dirty/messy. So long as you go to the bathroom a few hours beforehand and don't feel like you need to go right before it happens, there won't be any feces in the rectum. That doesn't happen until right before you start to go. The feeling of having to go happens because there is feces in the rectum, so you will likely feel similarly with another object (i.e. dildo, penis) up inside there, but don't fret, you don't really have to go and you liekyl won't crap all over him :) There may be a little residual, but nothing more.

[OMG_look_its_nickels]

Be on top, and allow yourself full control... after some finger-wise foreplay. and for the most part, as long as you take care of your "duties" before hand, there shouldn't be too much of a mess, if any at all.. but don't be too awkward if he is greeted by the nosegoblin of last nights dinner. it happens, it's normal.

Now I'm not going to get scientific and spoil the moment here.. but as long as you're on top facing him, or he's on top of you, the curve of the penis should be concurrent with your colon, and thereby, causing little, if any pain.. start slow & have fun!

[wrali]

Anal, as I've said before, is the most beautiful thing a couple can do to express mutual love. My girlfriend experiences intense, intimate pleasure whenever we do it -- so much that she prefers it.

However, when we started, I was gentle, patient and made sure I did it the right way. She was also, after I explained how good it would feel *for her*, pretty keen to try it. If your partner just wants to try it for no solid reason, and isn't paying attention to your pleasure, then don't bother. It'll hurt and you'll hate it.

If you want to do anal -- and it *is* beautiful -- make sure you're with a boy who's careful and wants you to feel good.

[nymphoman]

A finger is thinner than a penis, have him lube his finger and play with your anus gently, if you don't like that (I bet you wont) then you certainly aren't going to like a penis in it.

Don't make the mistake my Girlfriend did and just go for it, she whelped, cried and I burst in to tears because I felt like I had just raped her or something, she had to calm me down that she cried because of the pain and knew it was coming but never thought it would hurt as much as it did, needless to say that was my first go at anal too so I never thought it would hurt her as it did and also needless to say that little experiment started and ended there and then.

[clevername]

Good advice.

[toulouse]

Nymphoman : exactly :) ?why would you want to go for it just because he played with your butt with a couple of fingers.? do it until y9u are comfortable enough that you do not have to question it. when your title is , "how can I safely & comfortable do anal ", as apposed to 'i'm nervous about anal' - then you are good to go :) what is the rush?? >> From what you said about the first time sex thing,i think you need to learn some assertiveness, & your boyfriend needs to learn some patience*

[kcm_05]

good deal.. and just so you know too if you go on top at first you can determine his penetration level which will help ease the pain and help you relax so it doesn't hurt

[Reeses-pieces777]

don't do what you don't want to.

don't let others push you to do what they want if you're not happy with it.

[blackirish]

The worst mistake women ever make when trying anal is not reading up on it and then doing it with an inexperienced guy. Here's what you do: get some buttplugs of various sizes and width. from thin to large. Slowly work up to pretty wide. Then, when the time comes, you have to realize how dirty anal really is. SO you'll either have to have an enema right before, or not eat anything after a morning meal. Doing both is the best way to keep it all clean, and you won't accidentally poop on your boyfriend.

It's slow work, but if more young women would do these things before rushing into it, they would enjoy it much much more.

[budphillips]

You said you didn't want to. He is trying to convince you otherwise. Your boyfriend sucks. DO NOT, EVER, do something that you do not want to do.

There are a billion reasons not to have anal sex. Just make sure if you do it, you TRULY want to and understand the repercussions of an act like that. Good luck!

[Pmode]

He wants to do it not only because it feels good, but also because there are unspoken meanings to the act. I mean, "that" place is kinda taboo, forbidden, out of question. He must feel very aroused by that thought. He might even be turned on by it by merely thinking you might love it (yes, you might be surprised). So you see, there's a lot more to it than just putting his penis in your butt.

With this out of the way, if you're going to try it, you should do everything in your power to make this pleasurable. Use water-based lube, lots of it. Insert 1 finger, then 2. Use small/medium if you feel you still aren't good to go. You should also have the total control so you can go at your own pace.

I assume all your friends are all girls, right? As far as you know, they might have done something wrong. It's up to you to make your own opinion.

You should definitely try this. You don't want to miss out on something you might love. And if you don't, well no harm was done. Don't do it anymore, it's that simple.

[Clair]

watch out for scratching with nails.

really try and relax

olive oil is good

i found lubricants to sting

[JonJames]

Great point! Not every lube agrees with every girl. Especially - scented or colored lubes. Some stuff -- like liquid KY -- is just too strong for the asshole. If olive oil works for you -- awesome. One girl liked baby oil -- my dick actually smelled great when I pulled it out! But another girl did not.

[tcheyenne53195]

it doesn't hurt, its mild pain just a little, I can tolerate main easily,

and I'm gonna say it just like this,;

dont do it if ur not ready you will regret it, and make sure you 2 are very strong relationship wise; cause if it turns out bad; or awkward, it could be weird afterwards,

so make sure ur ready

and what kinda man is he pressuring u?

just do what you think is best!

[dreamer010999]

Cool - I was going to suggest to you to try fingers first. Ask him why he wants to try it. Maybe just out of curiosity, maybe he knows it will be really tight, maybe the view. If its the view maybe doggy style will be good enough if you don't like it. By the way, try to make dirty fun in your mind. You can clean up afterwards as much as you like!

[clevername]

First you should probably know everything about it, like, how to do it, what risks are involved, long term effects, what you should do before you actually try it. Then try to make the decision if you want to try it. Also, make the decision yourself, don't let pressure from anyone else affect you.

So understand, its NOT something you just decide you wanna do, and then go do it. It takes a lot of knowledge, preparation, and control.

There are web pages with good information and bad information. If you want I can give you one with decent info.

[JustDance]

lol PORN makes men wanna do this.

Also... its forbidden territory.

Like, I would love to try this with a gf, but obviously, ur gonna need lots of lube and trust the guy first of all to not hurt you and go slow and steady...

[Trango80]

I'm a guy and I think anal is gross. I've never tried it or had the desire to try it. And there are a lot of guys who agree with me. The vagina is great. Seriously, it comes from guys like your boyfriend watching too much porn and then thinking that this is normal during sex. Tell him all that you don't do that.

[saulito]

don't do it...it isn't natural...just have him lick that part...if he likes it so much he wouldn't mind just licking it...don't ruin something that wasn't meant to be penetrated...thats why you have a vagina...

[jaynasty]

TRY IT! if you don't like it you can stop and that ends that however it will turn your guy on a lot just for trying and being open to one of his fantasies or fetishes which is anal also girls can orgasm from anal...it takes some getting used to but in personal experiences it hurts at first but after a few times and starting slow you'll warm up to it...who knows you might even end up enjoying it! you only live once and your not young forever...you should be open to trying different things

[italianbaby]

do something because you are sure you want to. if he loves you he wouldn't mind if you said no, he should be MORE then happy with your sex. bring it up to him. yeah its cool to try new and exciting things but still, if you don't want it, then it shouldn't happen

[CastAwayRI]

It can help to take a mirror and spread your own ass in it -- like put a hand mirror on a chair and do it. You will see that everything is nice and clean and maybe even pink and sweet (after a buble bath of course). Play with it yourself a little. the more comforable You are here, the more confidence You will have when it comes timie to spread your ass hole for real. Does he eat your ass for U? That is KEY!

[afriendlycow]

Try it on yourself alone in your home and lock the door or whatever makes you fell comfortable. You can try your hand or an small object that is smooth and will not hurt you. And only you will know about it, if you don't share it with others. It a way to break it ( you being nervous) by yourself. Just a way you can do it, that's all. And millions people do it.

[Nooyen]

OH NOES.

Better stretch first, hun.

Takes at least a week to prepare your hole for that.

[sexyybitchez]

just do it .. it feelsz great put lotz of lotion and lube and you will be fine it hurtz a little but you will get over it and want more

[JonJames]

Great attitude! If a girl "kinda wants to try it" -- that means she has a great chance at loving anal. And yes, once she feels that dick "jump and pump" her colon full of cum -- it will probably happen a lot. It's accepted that vaginal virginity will cause some pain. But if you push through, it gets better. I am still a fan of taking as long as you need to to warm up. That works too -- but sometimes -- if you think you want to take it up the ass -- you DO want to -- so just go with it.

[Botosaui617]

NO! DON'T DO IT! DO NOT DO IT! ask him what's wrong with your vagina. I mean that is what its there for. your butt-hole is a exit-only function. baby girl I don't think I need to tell you the obvious ANAL IS GROSS!

[Mr_Fantastic]

Try it drunk...it will be better.

[watupzbreh]

Fingers are nothing.

When it comes to the penis, you're going to get f***ing worked, it hurts like a mother f***er and I had to fake it just so he would cum, I only tried it because I was on the rag, fingers feel good, but a d*** doesn't.

[toulouse]

I was just wondering why you did not just tell him to pul out, if it hurt that much ? ( He could have ruptured something..pain is supposed to WARN us about danger)

[JonJames]

Was that really the last time you tried it? Or it has happened again?

[jen0908]

Well in my personal opinion if you don't want to do it than he should respect your wishes. I mean if he keeps persisting that you guys have anal sex then tell him he's lucky he is even getting it at all.

Anal sex is very dirty. It is easier to catch an STD that way than regular sex.

That is why HIV and other STD's are common throughout gay relations.

Plus that is sorta gay if a guy wants to have anal sex.

Not saying that your boyfriend is gay, but that is my personal opinion.

[afriendlycow]

She means that your boy mean he has a little homosexual side in him and only wants to do it with girls. This is very common with guys.

[greg_me]

DON'T DO IT! NO MEANS NO! I'm making my boyfriend wait until marriage to have sex with me...and he's kept his promise very long. If you say no, then there's no if's, and's or but's about it.

[KelseyDrewDarling]

I was gonna say, stretch it first. It really doesn't feel bad, especially if you're the one doing it. And after your used to it, let him experiment with you.

[Treetop]

Well, the only thing I can suggest is...sex has to be comfortable at all times. You are just as big a part of the experience that he is. If you aren't comfortable/ready for something, don't let it happen.

If you do have a passing interest, start small. Try fingers. See if you even get a good sensation from it at all. If you find that you do like it, work up to it slowly. There is no need to just rush right into it.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

So have you tried it yet? If so, how did it go?

[Anonymous]

fingers in the butthole... gross. but anal is not that bad at all... it hurts at first of course but it actually feels amazingly great! I want to do it again.. but not let my boyfriend kno that lol haha

[Anonymous]

oh that's nasty... ur WEAK! you let yourself be pressured into doing something you don't wunt! I tell my boyfriend and all my exs ONCE and straight up "NO! if you don't like it then f off"

[Anonymous]

Woo hoo! That's what my boyfriend did to me too!

[Anonymous]

There isn't any easy answer to this question. If you want to try it even a little bit and you trust him, then you should go for it. It's important to get educated before you try anal sex. Sometimes it makes the most sense to start with something "smaller" than his penis. They make vibrators and fingers can also work for this. The most important tip is that lube is key. The anus does not naturally lubricate and you must do this for yourself. If he isn't gentle about this sex act he can really hurt you. Make sure he takes his time.

Please remember:

Lots and lots of lube.

It WILL hurt, there is no question about it, but many women find the experience very pleasurable after they are "broken" in.

Be a clean freak.

Hope this helps. Have fun!