Sexual Health
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I'm so nervous to have sex for the first time.

i know my boyfriend wants to; and he said he would wait as long as I waned to wait but I'm just so apprehensive about it. like I know its going to hurt. which will make it completely un enjoyable. and I heard that horseback riding break the hymen. which in fact, I own a horse:] I ride almost everyday an I have been for 5 years haha. so I'm curious to if my hymen is gone or not. and, what are some things i can do to calm my nerves? him himself being a virgin I'm afraid hell go too hard and deep and it will hurt because he doesn't really know. tips please, and links if ablee
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It doesn't need to hurt, not at all(but the possibility exists)

    My best ideas (if it didn't already happen):

    Choose it yourself and let it happen naturally but don't make a ceremony out of it:

    The house empty, door locked, good birth control. (A glass of champagne maybe), lots of foreplay and orgasms for you from foreplay, the weeks before (daily?) and on that moment too, of course. Be very familiar with his penis and let him be with your vagina.

    A situation to which you're used and which you learned to appreciate, which turns you on.

    That way you will feel very relaxed, there will be enough of your natural lubrication. If not, use water based gel.

    And then, during one relaxed moment the foreplay just will go "all the way"

    If you're not relaxed, next time; there's no reason to stress or hurry.

    My wife was a virgin, has never been on a horse and she felt just a slight burning, soon forgotten as the activities went on.(she used tampons since her 14 years or so)

    Success.

  • Of course my first advice would be to wait for marriage--my wife and I did and we are so happy we both did.

    That said, your OB/Gyn should be able to tell you if your hymen is still intact. Many women who are somewhat athletic, ride bikes, horses, etc., often have their hymen already torn. Also, the hymen naturally gets thinner with age. But you may still have some tearing anyway. You should also be ready for some discomfort and even pain because the penetration by the penis will stretch the vagina more than it has been stretched before.

    Recommendations: 1) go slow and talk to him so he knows how it feels for you as it might be uncomfortable. 2) make sure to use lubrication (I really wish I had been given that advice for my first time).

Most Helpful Girls

  • Hmm... If you're really, really afraid to have sex, you're probably not really to. I know that if I was scared my first time, I would've taken it as a sign not to do it. My first piece of advice would be to make sure that you're absolutely ready. Don't let yourself get into a situtation that you don't want to be in! And he said that he would wait as long as you need, so don't rush yourself on his behalf.

    If you are ready, though, my advice would just be to go slowly. And don't ever be scared to tell him to stop if he's being too rough on you. Sex is about mutual enjoyment. I honestly think the first time is really special, so even if you don't think it's physically enjoyable, if you and the person you're with really care about each other, it'll be enjoyable no matter how it feels. Make sure you're really well lubricated before he enters (you can acheive this by natural means or buy some lube). And foreplay's always a plus to make sure that you're both really worked up :)

    Good luck!

  • I agree with some of the other comments, It's very overrated the pain during first time sex.

    However, some girls are in a lot of pain but surprisingly it does not hurt anywhere near as much for a majority of girls!

    Him being a virgin too, he will also be worrying about things...

    You just have to take it nice and slow.

    Do lots of foreplay and wait till you feel 100% ready to have sex.

    Make sure you protect yourself properly and make sure you really trust the guy and make sure your really sure that your not rushing yourself.

    You hymen question can be easily answered..If you use tampons then it is likely to be broken, especially if you ride horses too.

    Just remember, don't rush into things and try not to worry yourself about it too much, It's only sex after all.

    Best of luck!

  • I agree that if you're really this nervous, you're not ready. As for the pain/hymen issue. Do you use tampons? Do they hurt when you use them? Have you ever inserted anything when masturbating? You don't need to answer these questions here, just think about them. I rode horses from the time I was about 5 years old( I'm 52 now), used tampons, and masturbated/fingered myself before having sex. I NEVER bled a drop or felt any pain at all, ever.. not when alone or my first time having intercourse( at 16). Explore your own body and find out what works and doesn't work, what is uncomfortable, etc. When you're ready, you won't be so nervous, you'll be anxious and excited.. just like you need to be before your first time. Be safe and have fun.

  • Well, you would be able to feel if you broke your hymen, that's the part that hurts! If you broke it riding a horse, then you would have felt a sharp pain followed by blood,it can be confused for a period or spotting, but never lasts longer than a day. You need to relax, if you anticipate something to hurt, it will! so, don't think about how much its going to hurt and focus on the moment, because you only lose your virginity once! To relax, laugh a little, watch comedy, laughing relaxs people. Try eating chocolate, there is endorphines in chocolate that makes you relaxed. But, most of all, do foreplay. It might not even hurt at all if your relaxed enough.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • you are ready to take the next step in your relationship I see. okay, everyone is nervous, whether its their first time ever having sex or their first time having sex with someone special. its good you have a good man. big ups for that one :) they say your hymen stretches over time, which is true, but how much pain you are going to feel not only depends on it bein your first time, but also on the size of your man's penis. you may have a little to no discomfort at all for your first time. my sister didn't feel shit her first time because his penis was small. lol. but anywho, if it hurts to much for your to bear when he is on top, try this position: sit on top of his lap and ride him that way. it worked for me. this guy had a huge _. :) and I agree, definitely take a shower afterwards. your man may be clean, but you can still get bacterial vaginosis, etc. always be clean.anymore questions just ask.

  • Just relax, it probably won't hurt at all. My first time was no big deal. Just use lube and go slow; you'll be fine.

  • it doesn't hurt as much as people make it seem! wait till you know its right.. if you force it... or let it happen before your ready.. its not going to be as pleasant as it should be! go slow and make sure he goes at your pace... its only uncomfortable thee first thrust or two... and if he's going to deep... tell him... you'll be fine... the anticipation is the worst part of first time sex!

  • every girl is nervous. its really not as bad as you think you'll just be a little sore. but I think people exaggerate and my ex had a bulge so it wasn't like I just got a small one. you'll be fine and its worth it especially if you plan on staying with this guy. and I promise sex helps keep that spark going...its weird how its kinda true

  • just trust him he is probably just as scared as you

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